I wanted to share some of the stuff we have crafted here out of mostly recycled stuff (would have been thrown away or put in recycled bins). Hopefully, it will inspire the creativity in you :)) I like to create spaces for open imagination to run free. I encourage the incorporation of any toys or bits of stuff that will fit. Most stuff moves so it is a constant new adventure.
The first is a farm I made out of the bottom of a box, some brown textured fabric, green paint, popcycle sticks, left-over fake moss, and lots of room for imagination :)
The Farm
Pigs love mud
Where cows and roosters cohabitate peacefully (lol)
Sheep family
Am I too excited about this farm I made? The horses said “Nay” :))
Noble (after seeing Surf’s Up and then Happy Feet LOVED penguins, so I built him a small icy home for his little penguins out of a small box, some styrofoam, covered in packing paper, painted and sprinkled with white glitter. Upon further reflection, I would have glued the paper onto the styrofoam and painted the “snow-covered rocks” differently (especially since Najaia tore the paper off the styrofoam — I get another shot at it!), but I really love how I made lots of little caves and nooks for penguins (and tigers, as the case may be – but don’t worry, they, too, coexist peacefully).
For the water, I poured a couple blue colors of paint and some white and swirled them just enough to make it look like water — and left a pool of it that took a couple days to completey dry, but I love it!
And Kass made Noble a street for his cars (that we have been meaning to add more cardoboard squares to, so he can place them in such ways like a train track – but we’ve heard no complaints about it as is :))
And this model house was a birthday gift for a friend. Kassidy made the orginal (not pictured here) that inspired me. Her’s was full of tiny little detailed stuff that she so cleverly thought of and used recycled bits of stuff to create. This was one I made:
A bird’s eye view – the couch was made from the bottom and one side of a mushroom container, covered in fabric! And do you see the detailed place settings at the dining room table (each piece made and then glued to a fabric piece/placemat)
The bedroom – there is a desk, 2 wall-mounted bookshelves, a bed (made from a pre-made sushi container), and a lamp
See the baby food container used as a toybox? And a piece of an egg carton for a fruit bowl. See the “family portraits” of birds (it was a stuffed animal bird who was going to live here)?
The books and game come off the bookshelves :))
Kass made the pan for the stove :) Wish I’d done something different with this poor blank wall! lol
A lop-sided curtain for the doorway into the bedroom lol
The front door
Side
Back
Other side – the trees and bushes were fun to paint :)
Another view of the bedroom – the lampshade was made from egg carton, and Kass made the diary :))
So, these are some of the first things I have put together, and they inspire me to be even more imaginative and creative for the future. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I have a certificate in Early Childhood Education/Child Development and had planned to use my BA in psychology as a stepping stone to a masters program in Child Development, but chose instead to give my all to being a stay-at-home homeschooling mama. Blogs like this one I found a week or so ago inspire me in ways I can only begin to express. Here are some pics from their site that give me ideas of what I might want to do next with miniature playscapes :)
And just one more pic from their site (for this blog anyway — I forsee LOTS more pics from their blog!). This is one spot in their play yard :)
I don’t know if you know this about me, but I am a total bag whore — thank goodness I use cloth at the grocery store! It totally justifies me making and buying every beautiful bag I want (and then I don’t have to use those ugly ones grocery stores offer).
In addition to using them at the grocery store, I use them for every other thing in my life: to pack up for parkday or a trip somewhere, to clean out my van, to bring things from the house to the garage, to store stuff in my closets or craft corner, for a giftbag (if I can part with it), to seperate stuff I need to return or do. I think you get the idea :)
I also love craft-cycling (using recycled bits to craft). We make all kinds of stuff from recyled things (like model houses, miniature playscapes, fort supplies for forts made from old sheets, all kinds of papercrafting). Again, I think you get the idea :))
Well, I have a bunch of Kassidy’s old t-shirts that I didn’t have the heart to toss because they were so cute (but didn’t seem like Najaia’s style), and I needed some smaller and light-weight bags for life (like produce bags for the grocery store!), so this is what I did:
It was SUPER easy! I just cut the neckline and sleeves off (to make handles) and then sewed the bottom closed (I serged it, but any sewing machine would work – just beware of how heavy the bag might get when deciding how well to sew it closed). I’m SO excited about this idea, because I have a nice little stack of these kinds of shirts. Now, I just need to figure out what I need to do to use them for produce at the grocery store (like weigh them beforehand?). I’ll post pics of more bags, when I have them done :))
I posted some pics of our new family cloth (and why we use it) here a week or so ago — here are a couple pics again (just because how often do I get a chance to show off their cuteness?
My very first system (about a year and a half ago) was “make little cloths and use them instead of toilet paper”. To an extent, it worked. But there was plenty of room for improvement :)
My system, when I made these new cloths was “make them cute so we will want to use them, and make lots so there is always plenty and no reason to use paper”. Well, last night I came up with an even better system! (btw, it builds upon the last system :)))
I made several of these little drawstring bags out of gauze:
Divide cloth evenly up into all but 1 bag (leave 1 empty).
Keep out 1 full and 1 empty bag, and put the rest away somewhere (say, under the sink).
Use the empty/”dirty” bag for used cloths.
When dirty bag is full, tie closed and toss into laundry.
Grab a full “clean bag” from under the sink (so, you now have 1 full and 1 empty again).
Repeat :)
In the meantime, wash full dirty bag, dry full now-clean bag, and place full fresh bag back under the sink.
[Whew! That was easier than the first 2 times I tried to explain it!!! Btw, pics didn’t help make it simpler — no, no, no *shaking head in utter overwhelm*]
So, the point of this system is “NO LITTLE CLOTHS ALL OVER THE LAUNDRY TO SORT AND STACK”!!!! Isn’t that a great system?? :))))) I’m so proud :) It also helps with people who are squeemish about touching used cloths (*cough*cough*my oldest).
…In case a few things aren’t obvious, they are worth reiterating. The bags are made out of a breathable fabric and not stuffed with too many cloths, so that they can all stay clean-able-y [how do you like that word?!]. Because the gauze is tight-knit, be sure the only (ahem) “particles” inside are the ones you want to stay inside (alright, TMI, rinse off cloth if used for poop or use a mesh bag – with holes).
There are lots of systems for using family cloth! Please share (or post a link) to your’s or one(s) you have read about :))
I joined Facebook to connect with you, my loved ones, not to create or partake in any kind of dissention with you. I want to feel closer to you and all of the people I like and love, not drive wedges made of “differences” (even though I prefer to see it as the diversity of similarities).
As any of you can attest to, Facebook is very easy to lose one’s time in! I spend time all day posting statuses, pictures, and links to stuff I love, and checking all of your statuses, pictures, and interesting links out, too — not to mention all the whole-hearted commenting!! And Facebook has actually only been 1 large part of this giant internet center of gravity I’ve created.
So, I have hit my “too much” mark (well, I ignored it for far too long, and so am backtracking greatly!), and I have deeply renovated my internet time over the last few days. I’ve deleted memberships to every site or group online that I was in (except for Facebook), and I’ve unsubscribed to about 98% of the rest of my time online — it’s just my blog, Facebook, a couple local homeschool groups, and a handful of friends’/beloved blogs. I want to live life from the inside out with my kids, and I want to be present with them. I’m sure you can understand and probably relate <3 (it’s why I love you :))
So, I’m not going to be posting statuses and pictures to Facebook anymore, only SOME updates from my blog. Back to the connection, not dissent bit from the beginning:
I know my blog (and my interests) aren’t for everyone – and they aren’t meant to be. So, I am not going to continue sharing every post I make on my blog onto Facebook — if you want to see the juicey stuff, please subscribe to my blog (if you can’t figure out how to, contact me and I will help you :))).
Otherwise, I will only post to Facebook updates on my blog that are what I call “snapshots of our life” (basically the statuses and pics) :) I think some of you will want to know what we are up to (the way I will be stopping by Facebook at times to check in on you), so I will post that.
My goal is to make your journey into my internet expression of our life (my blog) more comfortable for you. I hope this works :)) I care very much about my connections with the loved ones in my life, and I want to post everything on here so people who aren’t on Facebook can stay updated on us, too :) I just love having a “one-stop shop” for everything :)) So, I hope this helps us to stay connected. And please feel free to leave comments on my blog posts — I will make it available for non-bloggers to be able to :)
As I am purging my life (and specifically my internet life), I have been playing with a thought that basically comes down to this: how much is too much?
When I’m filing away emails or bits of info for later, because I don’t have time right now to process it, it feels like too much for me.
When it takes longer to update myself on my internet life than it does to nurse my babies in the morning, it is too much for me.
When I am losing out on sleep because I am up late reading on the internet (to keep up-to-date, not those awesome inspiration-driven rabbit holes we sometimes find ourselves in), it feels like too much for me.
When I am a part of groups or projects that I don’t have time to grow (or the growing of them takes away from my basic prioreties), it feels like too much for me.
I posted something before called Space is Grace, and it has been surfacing for me recently. I want to have a nice open relationship with space. Feng shui is very important for me. And I am talking about space in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual areas.
In my home, space looks like less furniture, less stuff, less things on walls.
Mentally, space looks like nothing to read or do while I am laying my babies down to nurse and help them sleep.
Emotionally, space means taking the time (having the time) to notice something inside is amiss and taking (having) the time to just sit with it, to feel, to explore.
Spiritual space, for me, means not having all the answers, and having plenty of room to dance to the music I am listening to at the moment.
So, Najaia turned 1 last Sunday. I feel like I cannot get enough of celebrating her first birthday. I want to keep celebrating and sharing and reminiscing about her birth a year ago. It was a huge deal for this family, for me. Bringing Jai into this family has created more love between me and my kids than I ever thought possible. Jai’s birth brought so much love to me from Tribemamas — I’ve never felt so loved and valued in my life <3 I LOVED being pregnant and giving birth and look forward to it again. My freebirth was one of the hugest things to happen in my life — I cannot find the words to express the self trust I found during my unassisted pregnancy and birth. I wanna tell the story and retell the story to everyone who wants to hear. I feel strong, like an Amazon woman, and feminine, like a goddess. I feel wild and sacred and sturdy like an oak tree. I want to keep feeling that way, which is probably why I can’t get my fill of thinking about her birth during this time. It was so beautiful and peaceful. I feel like I was a birthing goddess, even though at the time my perfectionist self only thought of how it could have been better. Now, all I can think about is the success and think of how it has paved the way for my future births. What an experience! When I get a chance, I will post her birth story in my journal. Until then, I just wanna crank up the music, paint beauty all over the place, and celebrate! (oh, and eat cake — told you I can’t stop celebrating!!)
I am continuing to deconstruct my spaces all over the internet. So, I co-created a group on CafeMom called Earthy Tribal Mamas and wanted to share the speecifics with you, in my “building a Tribe” ideas.
This was the group description:
This is a consensually operated and co-created space of supportive and loving mamas, enjoying community, dialogue, joy, information, inspiration, and advice. We strive to be accepting of all choices made from a loving context, but tend toward valuing things like using the nature model, being journey-oriented, homebirthing (unassisted birth), extended breastfeeding, tandem nursing, babywearing, family bedding, cloth diapering, elimination communication, consensual living, emotional responsiveness, connected families, unconditional family relationships, creative problem solving, whole person valuing, nonviolent communication, authentic self-directed learning and living, (radical) unschooling and homeschooling, communal living, sustainable and greener lifestyles, and so much more. Most of us do not share all of these interests, and each of us are at our own place in this journey of living it and integrating these values more fully into our lives — this group is about supporting each of us on our path in a sisterhood, a virtual family and haven that many of us may have difficulty finding in person. This group is a virtual version of a tight-knit group of families who pull together to help each one be successful and sustainable, to heal old wounds and walk more powerfully and purposefully, a virtual “sit around the dining room table in your jammies talking late into the night, with families of kids buried under piles of blankets in the family room”. If these appeal to you, this may be the place for you.
These were the guidelines:
Please look around for a bit and get a feel for the place before posting. This will help you get a feel for the tone and to see if we are a good fit :) There are so many ways to do things, and since we can find *certain* ways almost anywhere, we really wanted to create a place with a specific feel and tone to it that heals and inspires and encourages and validates us. If it feels right, please feel free to dive in. If it isn’t what you are looking for, no hard feelings, and we wish you the best in finding a space that better reflects you. Please see the “Our Mission Statement” and “Participation Tips” threads in the Welcome forum to get a better feel for “guideline” type stuff :)
This was the “Participation Tips” thread (I guess we never finished creating a Mission Statement)
In a democratically run group, every member has a say in what is important to them in terms of interaction guidelines. In a consensually operated group, we try to meet the needs of all the members, regardless of their length of stay. This thread will be a collaborated effort to provide ideas for how to meet the group’s needs and our own while participating in the group. Everyone has an equal voice, and I hope that everyone will find it easy to enjoy each other in this space :)
…and then everyone was invited to share their perspectives. Here was mine:
My thoughts: As far as participation: visit often, contribute lots of interesting and supportive stuff :)) In a group of relationship-oriented people, I am not very concerned about conflicts or even that we cannot navigate them out in the open when they happen. Having said that, these are my ideas :) First of all, we can encounter “mainstream” perspectives by just walking out our front door–this place is meant to be something different. I think it’s a given that we all know this, but worth mentioning still :) Posters: Mostly, I think, be loving. Perhaps be aware of how what you are saying could be interpreted by people, especially ones with a differing opinion. And maybe be aware that you are presenting opinions based on your life experience. The feelings and needs lists [below] may help you to articulate yourself better, especially if you are responding to someone else.
Readers: Again, be loving. Assuming positive intent goes a long way. Maybe rewording something in a way that feels good to you. If something troubles you, what you are taking issue with “from someone else” may be a reflection of something inside you that you may want to explore (and the feelings and needs list, mentioned above, may help with that); if you are at peace with yourself, it is difficult to find conflict with others; and you are only responsible for yourself. I think in order to be reflective of “real life” not a mediated version of it, debates and disagreements may happen, and I think a LOT of growth can come from that. I would love to join the strong and loving voices here to help create and keep this space safe, and I guess I am assuming that we won’t be attracting or encouraging conflict-happy types. I trust we can navigate and negotiate conflicts as they may arise.
Feelings and Needs list (the format did not transfer well, so it will be very long, but worth sharing):
feelings inventory
The following are words we use when we want to express a combination of emotional states and physical sensations. This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.
There are two parts to this list: feelings we may have when our needs are being met and feelings we may have when our needs are not being met.
NVC Model NVC concepts Feelings List Needs List NVC Chapter One
needs inventory
The following list of needs is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.
We have another list that might also be of interest to you: a list of feelings.
Fabric can often be used for things that call for paper :)
I use fabric on my hula hoops.
Fabric can be used to cover wood furniture, especially collage style covered in mod lodge :))
There are sooooo many ideas of things to do with fabric — hopefully, just saying this and sharing a couple things has your mind going :)) Please share your ideas!!!
Kid’s fort from old sheets: It’s just a sheet over the dining room table, with this guys’ stuff under it. It got me thinking about how cool it would be to bring it to the park (or the 4th sheet) to make forts (maybe over a tree branch or over a place on the play structure or a picnic table? I was thinking about letting him paint his, too :). It actually makes a beautiful tablecloth — albeit, a bit too long :). I was also thinking it could be a great stage curtain (which could also be great painted :)
Just wanted to share some fun ideas I posted in my old blog, of things I thought sounded really fun to do with paper :))))) As with all things crafty, these are just jumping off points — we take the ideas and make them our own :)
Kid’s Book: the instructions say to use a copy shop, but of course you can homemake that part, too :))
Papier-Mâché: This article is for fruit, but you could do all KINDS of things!!!
Paper Mobiles: I am excited about the possibilities with this project!! ). I am going to make some. The materials and instructions are in the link, but gonna share here, so I can add my personalized touches to them. I am thinking about making mosaic-style designs on the paper before or after attaching tithe twine. I am also imagining the beautiful beads one can use, and fun ends it can have, how big or small it can be, the amazing colors that can be used. You can use alternatives to paper, too!
One of my own ideas: I made some homemade books the other day from the front and back of cereal boxes. I folded them almost in half with a spine and covered the outer part (with the cereal label) with brown packing paper. Then I folded several pieces of paper in half and cut them to fit. Then I ran a strip of tacky glue along the inside of the spine and stuck the folded edges of the papers in and left them to dry overnight. I used different kinds of paper and I was thinking of different ideas for covering or decorating the books: pressed flowers, pictures, doodles, words from a magazine, pictures from a magazine, calendar pictures, basically any kind of scrapbooking thing. They can also have different purposes: journal, photobook, picture book, story book, nature journal, lapbook, scrapbook, etc. Note: for types of books that will include adding things to it, like a photo album, you will want to use less pages so it closes at the right width. These could make pre-decorated photo books, and then you could send empty ones to family members on Christmas with the intention of sending pictures and letters/cards are given every month the following year, to be inserted into predecorated slots (letter or card or handprint or whatever on top and pic on bottom — kind of like an I-owe-you and memory of a year. Very excited about that idea :)
A journey I took with some friends back in November that started out as love letters:
I’ve been reading my old journals for the past couple days (2002-2003), and I have read some pretty interesting stuff!! Lol Right now, I am reading a love letter to an old boyfriend (a conversation I wanted to have, so I wrote it all out to process it), and I was thinking I want to write myself a love letter! So I wanted to post one and see how beautiful it would be to read all of your love letters to yourselves, too :))))))) Unfortunately, my time limit today will not allow me to do this right now, but mine would start something like, “Dear Me, You have brought so many wonderful things into my life, and I am grateful for every moment. I have learned so much about myself. You have raised my standards from the chumps I had wasted my time with and re-established my hope that there are truly good people in the world, and that what I have been looking for my whole life is possible, that it is within me.” That was actually the beginning of the love letter to a guy, edited where applicable :)) How fun to read what I wrote to someone else, knowing it was really a reflection of me, and flipping it in such a way :)) Then I started thunking about other things I have told men in the past… All a reflection of me :) Oh, this is going to be some fun exercises :))
An excerpt of a reply from my friend, Amy:
So with your comments about the love letters, (“knowing it was really a reflection of me” and “things I have told men in the past….all a reflection of me”), I am wondering if you are thinking along the lines of love, especially “being in love” and “falling in love,” not being about loving/knowing/seeing the other person for who he or she is? But responding to the projection (onto another person) of things desired that are present but not yet developed or actualized in our own personalities? Unmanifest (undeveloped and maybe ready to unfold) qualities or aspects we desire to make a part of ourselves, and see in the beloved (and, when “falling in love” is mutual, it’s happening for them with us.) Just wondering if this is what you’re actually assuming, the whole projection thing of Eros, or if your talk of reflection is something else.
I agreed whole-heartedly :)
And then a quote…
A belief that the behavior of others must be controlled—so that your observation of that good behavior will make you feel good—leaves you feeling vulnerable to their behavior.
We would like to help you to understand that neither the good feeling you find when you observe wanted behavior, nor the bad feeling you find when you observe unwanted behavior, is actually the reason that you feel good or bad. The way you feel is only ever about your alignment, or misalignment, with the Source within you. It is only your relationship with the Source within you (with your own Inner Being) that is the reason for the emotions that you feel.
While it is nice to find things in your physical environment that enhance your good-feeling alignment with your Inner Being, your understanding of why you feel good will make it possible for you to feel good regardless of the behavior of others.
Understanding that the way you feel is really about your Vibrational relationship with your Inner Being—with the Source within you, with the expanded version of you who resides inside your Vortex—gives you complete empowerment and absolute freedom.
I posted this at the old community blog and wanted to share here :))
This can be adjusted sooooooo much, and I would LOVE to hear everyone’s different variations of it. After I share the simple gist, I will brainstorm topics/themes.
Get a board game (just the board, maybe the dice and/or player pieces — but those can be improvised on) and cover each square with your own things, like things to do or say or whatever. You can get ideas from almost any game in the world.
You could have each one alternate, like “share a memory”, “do an impersonation of someone you love”, “hum your favorite song”, “act out your favorite movie”, “tell your 3 favorite …”, “ask the person sitting to your left something funny”, etc. Oh, the list could go on and on.
Another version could be getting a board game piece that spins, like on Life or Twister, and having a different category for each section and then doing something like Truth or Dare, or Pictionary, or charades (sp??), or something like that.
We have this game, “Apples to Apples (kids version)”, and we use the cards to play charades. It is pretty funny seeing someone trying to act out the adjectives lololol
the best part about making your own games is that they can be tailored to be all-ages. I am imagining my son loving this, because he is so young that most of our games are beyond him, and he WANTS to play so badly <3
**Oh, and I wanted to share how this can be used in other contexts, too. Someone recommended making one for a friend who was moving away as a goodbye present (well, making 2 — 1 for each family) full of ideas to keep memories alive. The original poster shared that she and her kids had made one in memory of her sister who had passed on to keep her memories alive. I was just thinking of making one to help a family come up with creative solutions or ideas for something — have to think more on that before I can give more detailed examples of how :))
**Oooh!! And I just thought of something else! You can totally personalize it! Maybe everyone can make their own piece that they play with? Maybe get Candyland gingerbread men and glue a picture of your face onto it? Or paint clay pieces? Or make shapes out of cardboard? Or whatever. And then for the actual board, you can also personalize — use pictures of people and their names (helps little ones especially), cover with really pretty cardstock and pressed flowers…
You could even revamp old boards from thrift stores and sell them at craft fairs or give them as gifts. You could use boards from other games to create your very own made up games. The possibilities are endless :))))
I am going to make them for birthday gifts for the future. And I was thinking we could totally make one for different “conscious listening skills” type practices!!! Wouldn’t that be the funnest way to practice any kind of these skills with kids and a family — there has to be a way to make it into some kind of board game!
p.s. – was thinking of you, Starcat, when I posted this :)))))
Monday, we drove a couple hours up into the mountains to the snow. The kids had so much fun :)) We brought a friend of Kass’ along, and the girls took off to sled while I wrestled with the puppies (who LOVED the snow) and the baby (who did NOT). Noble didn’t remember being in the snow before, and he wanted to do everythig he has seen on movies. It was adorable seeing him do things all on his own, like laying in the snow and making snow angels :)) Here are some pics :)
Excited to FINALLY go up to the snow :)
She would have enjoyed it better if I could have slowly introduced her to snow, instead of trying to not get dragged away by excited puppies :))
Trying to get them to pull her… Didn’t work out as expected :)))
The snowman Noble wanted to make before we left :)
In my attempt to be simple and to the point about why I am cutting back so much on my internet stuff, I feel like I didn’t clarify my reasons enough for my heart to feel my post was complete. I think my title of this post may capture the essence adequately for most, but I sure do love to elaborate <3
Homeschooling: Being a home-base schooling family, I have expectations for the experiences I want to provide for my children. I think the best gift I can give them is my absolute undivided attention, connection, skills about how to live with people and care for a home and everything/everyone in it. I need to be present for all of that. I’ve been missing so much, and so have my kids <3
Single: My kids only have me. The only dad in their life lives on the other side of the country and is but a phone call away, but still only a phone call away. I feel like, being a single mom, I have to give 200% toward parenting, but I feel like I have been giving less than 100, even. I’ve been absent. I owe my kids better, and I owe myself to be the parent I really want to be.
Mama: I L.O.V.E being a mama. It’s my favorite. I look forward to checking in on the anxieties that prevent me from living my favorites. Finding out I was going to be a mom was my initial inspiration in life, and it continues to inspire me to give my best and be successful in my endeavors.
to Three: I am so totally outnumbered LOL People sometimes ask me how I do it all (including the internet stuff), and the short answer is that I haven’t been. If I wasn’t embaressed I would say you should see my house (btw, it’s better now :)). With three kids, I’m already one arm short for family hugs, but it’s even harder when I have my iPhone in one hand :/
The good news, for you Dear Reader, is that my posts are going to be so much juicier, since they will come from a richer life, from a place inside me that will be needing more than ever to take advantage of the outlet I have before me. That’s a tall cup to fill :)) I welcome the challenge and hope we both look forward to the future <3
This is the very long, raw, uncensored story of the birth of my 3rd child. This is cut and pasted from another venue, so if something doesn’t make sense, please ask for clarification…
I’m starting with “The Impact of Najaia’s Birth”, because it was what I wrote first… Creating a Legacy: Najaia’s Birth (2nd Edition)
I wrote a version of Najaia’s birth the morning after she was born, and I am glad that I have it, but it was a part of a process of the birth, so the one I want to share now will include parts of that one that are relevant, but a more current understanding of her birth experience and how it has impacted me. Part of the process of her birth was learning just how much before and after the birth are parts of the birth experience, too. Birth is so much more than just a physical act of bringing a baby into the world. This is my third child, but I have learned so much from this experience, it’s hard to find the words… but I will try
This experience was more than just birth to me; it was life. It was the creation of a legacy of self-trust for my family, and it was raw and wild and real–it wasn’t the spiritual Zen experience, channeling birth goddesses and ancient ancestors, that I had hoped (although, apparently, it looked like it from the outside); it was a manifestation of real life: “the blood, the shit, the pain, the ecstasy, the sweetness, the glory” (excerpt from the poem, “I Am” by a freebirth sister on unassistedbirth.com). Each of those are so symbolic to this birth, and combined they tell a story:
The blood, to me, was the large amount of blood that I lost after the birth but trusted that I was fine concerning, and also the blood clots that I passed after birth that symbolize, to me, uncertainty and interdependence [I had thought they were the placenta coming out in pieces, so we called Kim, a fellow freebirth sister, and asked her what she thought I could do to get the placenta out–just to be clear, I was not concerned about the placenta coming out in pieces, but I just desired some added support on how to get it all out, but found out they were not the placenta but were blood clots, which I had been unaware of]–uncertainty and interdependence are indicative of life and I embrace them in a freebirth, especially because people think the only way to have a safe freebirth is if you know everything possible–it’s a little more realistic to not know everything, and I have found that is okay. The shit was SO raw, the raw part of life and birth–I was scared to “poop” while I was pushing (oh-so modest me) but overcame that QUICKLY (I laughed in the tub thinking how much I could care less about the shit, and I still laugh thinking about how embarrassed I thought I would be but how I ended up really feeling), and it was also the reason Kass changed her mind about climbing into the pool with me during the actual birth LOL. The pain–OH, I cannot express the pain that I was in, that I was not expecting, and what it meant, but I will get back to that. The ecstasy… I had a few contractions that were almost orgasmic, and I could TOTALLY see how birth could be orgasmic; it was amazing. The sweetness–well, she is sleeping on my lap nursing while I type this <3 And the glory was the moment she was born, the moment I had given birth, and it is the power and the legacy of this birth.
This birth was empowering beyond measure (I keep realizing how deeply I was impacted by it), humbling, amazing, “no big deal”, momentarily scary, extremely challenging, and (the part I missed in the first edition of this) so very sacred. There was so much more pain than I had anticipated, and it had left me feeling, afterward, like I hadn’t “done as good” as I could have (1st edition), but I am over that now (2nd edition). I understand that there was SO much residual stuff, from the hardships and challenges in this pregnancy that I thought I was over but came up during the birth process, and I am actually proud of myself for how well I rose to the occasion over and over–from the mental workout of psyching myself through every single contraction, to tapping into my body to know what was happening and what I needed to do, and being able to still work at comforting my kids’ possible fears in between contractions. I fuckin’ rock, and at one point I told myself that a few times in between contractions The pain could have easily been more than I could handle, but I kept myself in alignment with my goals, and I am so proud of myself for that. I know why I had the pain–the push of wanting to give birth (I’d been in labor long enough, I wanted it to be time, so I mentally was pushing it) and the pull of not being ready (that residual stuff I was talking about earlier combined with the fear of more of the pain I was experiencing).
So, the experience was VERY mental and VERY physical. It really did hurt so bad (some people may say “duh” when they read this, but my labor and birth with Kassidy did not hurt at all–in fact, when Kass’ head was half-way out of me, I turned to my mom and said, “This is not as bad as they said it was going to be.”–I REALLY had anticipated and realistically could have expected no pain), and with every contraction I was processing a new issue–I couldn’t seem to get out of my head! It was very frustrating, which added to the stress and compounded the pain… not a good combination. It was challenging doing all that mental work and physically processing, too, during every contraction. I had chunks of contractions where I was at peace and it showed. Some contractions hurt a lot more than others; some you’d never know outwardly that I was having a contraction because it was so dealable. It wasn’t always the intensity of the contraction that determined how I could handle it; oftentimes it was just how clear my head was, which was usually hard to duplicate, and I never knew what to expect with the next one nor what direction it would take. (No wonder, combined with lack of sleep, after she was born it felt like a dream and actually took days for reality to settle in–I’d used everything I had and had nothing on reserves!) Another reason I am impressed with myself is that even with how mentally and emotionally vulnerable I was, when I was trying to figure out why I felt like I wasn’t dilating that last bit, I had a moment where my mind suggested maybe she was transverse, but I was able to tune-in to my body and know that wasn’t true, feel my belly and prove it, and be reassured that it was safe to trust my body and our journey. I never worried (or really even questioned) whether I could do this or if something was wrong–I am impressed with that fact, now that I realize those were/are people’s biggest fears about freebirth. Some mamas have called me a birthing goddess–I am OH-so flattered by that!!!! But I am not a goddess (it was my aspiration with my spiritual Zen hopes)–I am a human, and I understand why they say the gods envy us. This experience was something very mortal, which made it as empowering and impactful as it was.
A couple months ago, I had a very premature “reflection” of my freebirth: Part of me wants to exclaim, “I did it! I did it! I did it!” Another part wants to say, “Of course you did.” It is a dichotomy I have been very much feeling since Najaia’s birth. Some times or days I feel like I am just a fuckin’ freebirthin’ rockin’ mama… and some times or days it has felt so common and normal. I guess the part that feels so exhilarating is contextual: being able to get past that fear and mistrust this society embeds in us. Some of the cool stuff is stuff I would have done regardless of my “assistance status”, like the work, the processing, the listening to my body for direction and position… but the parts that were uniquely freebirth, like not knowing at any time how dilated I was and not having someone to tell me when I “could” push–they feel SO empowering to me (I LOVE LOVE LOVE that I was able to just BE with those parts of my labor, even if at some times I thought it could have been easier if someone had been able to just tell me), and yet, in another society, in another era, in another life, isn’t that just normal? Although I totally see how any woman is capable of freebirth, I completely understand that it is not for everyone, especially with the norm in this country of not trusting oneself (or Mother Nature) and of relying on external experts (I have dubbed myself an “inpert” since my first draft of this birth story, btw . Freebirth is not something that I did–it’s a bright red screaming thread in a tapestry I am weaving for my family and generations to come, a legacy of self-trust that I want to live and embed in my children (especially my future-birthing daughters). Freebirth was not the fairy tale I had dreamed it would be–it was hard, it was challenging, it was do-able… and I feel strong(er) because of it.
Since Najaia’s birth, I have felt a calling toward really being a freebirth advocate, and I am doing it through raising awareness–I love telling people about it, love knowing that I am “living proof” that this is a real, viable option for women and something they may want to consider (not that they HAVE to, but that they can), and I hope that I can help make a difference in a woman’s birth experience by sharing this, the way some very special mamas made this a reality in my life by sharing with me.
For the past few weeks, I keep having this clip from a song from the movie Brother Bear stuck in my head: “This has to be the most beautiful, the most peaceful place, I’ve ever been to. It’s nothing like I’ve ever seen before… When I think about how far I’ve come, I can’t believe it…but I see it.” I woke up with that in my mind the early morning after Najaia’s birth, when I was looking at my 3 sleeping children in my bed. Wow… There were all these things that I had wondered about and looked forward to, during my pregnancy, and now they are happening, and it is just surreal. I am in awe, just stuck in the moment and in love with the big picture, thinking, “This is my life.” This is such a beautiful amazing adventure. It is a kind of peculiar relief that my family is complete–like now the real adventure begins! I have this darling little baby and my amazing toddler and my spunky pre-teen (she just informed us last night that this is what she is, at age 10). We are a rad family Life is good stuff. My body feels amazing–funny what “losing” 20+ pounds overnight does for one’s energy level and such. Noble and I went to the park yesterday (Najaia was in the sling I made for her the night before), and we just played and had fun, and I feel like I can be the mama I want to be now–now that I am not big pregnant in the middle of a heat wave. It feels like a whole new lease on life, though! I can get my house done, and I can get us out of the house to do things exciting! I am just so excited that I can finally participate in life, rather than be looking forward to it I feel like my body is my own, because I am not having anymore babies. I am grateful for all the parenting and sustainability research I did, because I am ready to live it. I gave birth to Najaia, but I feel like I gave new birth to me, too. I am on a freebirthin’ mama high!
Now the actual story: My birth story actually starts years before. I had my daughter when I was 20, and I didn’t feel ready at that time to have a homebirth (honestly, I just hadn’t explored it enough, and couldn’t afford a midwife), but I knew that I wanted to have one later. With my son, we lived in an apartment, and I was afraid of the sound factor (if I knew how AMAZING a homebirth was, I wouldn’t have worried about that fact, but also, once again, we couldn’t have afforded a midwife). When I got pregnant with my 3rd and last child, I knew this had to be a homebirth…. but, again, I could not afford a midwife. I had heard of unassisted childbirth (UC), and although it felt like something I could embrace as a birth option, I just couldn’t imagine it for myself. However, when I found that I could not afford a midwife, a friend (celticreverie) mentioned it, and in explaining why I didn’t feel comfortable with it (mostly, that I needed someone to lean on during the birth, that I was not concerned about problems because I knew my body grew and birthed healthy babies), I realized that I was much more okay with it than I had originally thought. I started doing some research on it, and I realized the potential for empowerment that it held [in fact, anyone who has read The Continuum Concept–I just realized that it ended up feeling like I was fulfilling my “continuum” and continuing to develop healthfully–gawd, I wish I had done this sooner]. Not only did I find the empowerment aspect of it, but I first learned just how safe and responsible it was. In fact, I fully believe that it is the safest option for normal birth, because without some “expert” in the room, the mother assumes her rightful role as expert of her bosy and birth, and can fully atune herself to her body and her baby and their birth path. So, I planned an unassisted home birth in water for this birth. (I also had planned on having a waterbirth for both of my children and was unable to for whatever reason, so I was determined with this one to have my water.)
On Wednesday, September 2nd, I started feeling contractions, but I didn’t realize they were contractions (just that I felt pressure in my pelvis/cervix) until that night when I was posting something on CafeMom, titled “Not-quite Contractions”. I’d probably had about 10 of them throughout the day, but it was during that post that I decided to feel my belly and realized that it was rock-hard: a contraction! I texted my friend, Sandy (who I had met here on CafeMom about 2 years prior to this birth and my sister, who were both going to attend the birth, just to let them know I was aving contractions and would let them know in the morning how I felt. I went to sleep that night expecting to labor all the next day and give birth that night, like had happened with my previous birth. I felt the contractions through the night while I dreamt of being wrapped in the blessings and love of the mamas I have grown so close to, from the CafeMom “group” I started, The Radical Mamas’ Tribe–we call it the Tribe, and that is where/how I had met and knew Sandy (she had come down to visit a couple times before the birth).
I woke up the next morning (Thursday, Sept 3) still having contractions. They felt intense because there was an edge of pain in them (I think that was because they were inactive contractions), so I called Sandy and she began making the necessary arrangements to come down (it was a 3-hour drive). In the meantime, I called to check on the status of my pool I ordered over the weekend with the intention of birthing in. I had called Tuesday (the day I was supposed to have received it) and they had said it was shipped out, so I had intended to get the tracking number so I could contact Fed Ex and find out where it was to pick it up from them, but the company I ordered it from told me that it had not been shipped out yet, which meant there was NO way I was going to get it delivered that day. I became very upset and stressed out–a real mess. My contraction stalled and died down as I made arrangements and prepared for the 3 hour round-trip to go get it from their warehouse inland in the desert in the middle of a heat wave that was breaking records all over the county… ugh. We used the A/C, though, and it ended up being kind of a nice relief (I had been stressing about the kids bickering most of the day, and my brother volunteered to drive me to get the pool), but I can count on one hand how many times I had a contraction for the rest of the day and night. Sandy had shown up while we were off getting the pool, so we just took the rest of the day to enjoy each other’s company and have fun with the kids (she has a son a week younger than Noble, my 2 1/2 year old son). As the sun started to set and my conractions had not picked up, I was stating to feel very bad that I had called Sandy to come down too early, but she assured me that she was going to stay until the birth and that her husband back at home had told her the baby would not be born until the next week–SOOO not funny LOL Sandy was SO awesome–she spoiled Kass and I with home-grown sprouts (which Kass loved so much and Sandy later sent Kass a book on how to grow her own and a couple packages of starter packs!) and other raw and healthy foods She LOVES us and took such good care of us <3 I cannot begin to describe the bond I feel toward this loving *sister* I am blessed to have in my life <3 Our kids get adore each other, too <3
So, Sandy had pumped up the pool so it would ready when we were, and that night my 10-year-old daughter, Kassidy, filled it with warm water while I posted my birth affirmations around the bathroom. When the pool was done, we climbed in together and talked about birth and just connected with each other. Kass asked if she could be in the pool when I birthed Najaia and if she could cut the cord (something I was really looking forward to doing, since I hadn’t gotten to with my first 2, but felt it was more important to give that gift to Kassidy), and of course I said yes. She asked me about one of my birth affirmations, “I am creating a legacy of childbirth”, and I had the honor of explaining what a legacy is and how I was starting one (since my own mother had been intervened with until they would not give her more time to birth naturally and then conned into repeat c-sections). [An amazing part about this extraordinary bonding experience was when I realized the next day that this WAS part of that legacy ]
The next morning (Friday, Sept 4), I woke up and felt 2 really great contractions. They didn’t have that pain-edge, and I realized that they were active and that the other ones had been inactive. I was SO excited about these contractions because I could feel that they were the real deal, that they were going to do the job for me, and as I continued to have thm throughout the day (albeit few & far between), they gave me confidence in my pain-manageable birth–I was able to completely let go of my fear of pain completely (this was my biggest fear because Noble’s birth had been so painful, followed by my fear of my reservations of bringing a 3rd child into the world impacting the speed and progress of my birth, followed by my fear of people distracting me from focusing on my birth and me getting irritated and interrupting my flow, followed by my fear of pooping during pushing with my friend there and a video camera on it). By this point, my younger sister and I had talked and she realized she was not going to be able to come for the birth because of work and needing to sleep. It was just going to be me, Sandy, and the kids (my brother took off at first whiff of birth–he doesn’t handle his loved ones in pain very well at all and left when we got back with the pool to his friend’s place until the day after Najaia was born). Also, I had been losing my mucus plug for the past day or so, and I even had it on the last tissue I used befoe giving birth.
As the sun went down, the contractions had not progressed, and I was starting to stress about how anyone can give birth with a toddler (the distraction and responsibility). My house was a disaster, so I had straightened up my room then went downstairs and started doing some serious cleaning in the kitchen and living room, which REALLY kicked my contractions up. I went upstairs and nursed Noble to sleep, then cleaned my bathroom really good (I had taken the birth affirmations down earlier), emptied the pool that the boys had been playing in and out of all day, then took a shower and doned my birth garb (lol) of a white tank top and a sarrong and my BlessingWay necklace which had beena gift from my fellow Tribesisters, and then I relaxed in bed (maybe this was when I nursed Noble to sleep?). The contractions were coming really good and each contraction made me very happy I actualy even had a couple of contractions that were on the verge of being orgasmic, and I thought, “This is going to be great.” I went ahead and got up and started to re-prepare my birth shrine–I set up the birth affirmations (this time, I put one type on one wall and another type on another wall–can’t explain what the “types” were, just that there were different themes to them) and put the candles and my Gaia statue on the counter, then did a video for Najaia showing her my birth shrine, then tried to fill the pool but could not lift the heavy buckets, so I had to go wake Sandy and ask her if she could fill it (I felt bad waking her up, because it was just after midnight and the last of the kids had just fallen asleep and she had just laid down to rest her eyes, but she just jumped right up and gladly filled it). I laid back down in the bed, but it did NOT feel as comfortable this time. I struggled to get comfortable and just focus on allowing my contractions to come and open me up to birth my baby. I had my eyes closed and when I opened them I saw Sandy lighting the candles and turning off the lights She had asked me how warm I wanted the water, and we agreed she could fill it up most of the way and then once I got it, finish it off to my temperature needs (that heat wave had left me skeptical that I would want hot water). By the time I climbed in, heat sounded like it would feel good and I was having back pains (probably from all the cleaning, but I thought she was posterior, which she could have been), so Sandy poured the last few bucketfuls of hot water straight onto my back, which felt DIVINE!
In the water, I felt most comfortable sitting back on my heels with my knees spread far apart, and then I would lean forward onto my hands during a contraction and focus so much on opening up. My big thing was opening up–every visualization was about opening, and I also visualized her coming down through a turtleneck sweater (the cervix stretching). Sandy put on my CD (Ray Linch’s Deep Breakfast), and I just sat in my pool and *was* (irregular form of the verb “to be”) with my labor and impending birth. Sandy was sitting back updating our friends via Facebook with he iphone (which she had been doing since she got there and continued to do throughout the birth path). At one point during this time, I remember watching Sandy on the floor petting and just totally loving on my cat, Sabastian, who hadn’t come upstairs for weeks during the heat wave, but obviously knew something was going on–I remember watching how wonderful Sandy was with Bash and thinking I could not possibly love this woman any more than in this moment–boy, was I wrong!!! I really didn’t want to have back labor and I thought it was because she was posterior (Kass had been posterior, so I “knew” posterior baby meant back labor, and she had been posterior all through my third trimester), so Sandy rubbed some herbally-medicinal oil on my lower back, giving me a massage. I decided I wanted to get down on all fours and wiggle my butt my in the air to get her to turn so I could have a comfortable remaining labor, but since the kids were on my bed, I decided to use my brother’s (sorry, Ben LOL). I climbed up on all fours and started rolling my butt and hips around in circles, and it felt sooooooooooooo good. This was when I started having to vocalize. I ahd to go to the bathroom (which happened often), so I got up and went into my brother’s bathroom, but a contraction started (they were erratic and inconsistant through my whole labor–just like with Noble’s labor), so I just stood rolling my hips in a wide circle. As I was rolling my hips in circles, I imagined each circle sweeping around the edges of my cervix opening it wider and wider. It felt so good that after I left the bathroom, we set up the vinyl tablecloth on the floor with towels on it, and I did that and walked around in circles for quite a while. Sandy started videotaping, so we got a lot of footage of this time <3
The vocalization at this point was low groans and “hah hah hah”s and “mah mah mah”s, and at this place in my labor, I was doing it as kind of a chanting affirmation: “I want this baby, I want this baby, I want this baby” sounded like “hah hah hah hah, hah hah hah hah, hah hah hah hah”. Sandy brought me a glass of ice for my water and a tuperware of freshly cut watermelon (my favorite food–she knew this <3). She was so unobtrusive about it, too, just slipped in and made only enough sound to let me know what she had done so I could partake in it. I did the circles for a while, then went into the bathroom (my brother’s bathroom, as my toilet was inaccesable from the pool), where Bash followed me. It hurt so bad to even just try to sit down, and I had almost no breaks in between contractions, which were hurting soooo bad. I felt bad, but I was pushing Bash away–in the meantime, Sandy had come back upstairs and was looking for me (I saw this on the video LOL) and she found me and took Bash out of the room.
I went back in the room and climbed back into the tub (and wished the water could be a bit deeper so I could submerge my back). I was aware of few *times* (as in clock) during my labor, but I know it was around 4:40 when I felt like I was about 2 contractions away from being ready to push. We called a dear mutual friend of our’s from the Tribe, Stardove, who wanted to be on speakerphone when I pushed, and we woke Kass up. I had felt like I was so close to pushing, and maybe I had been, but once I was a coupe cntractions deeper I felt like I wasn’t completely-completely dilated because I didn’t feel open enough and when I tested pushing, it didn’t feel like I felt like it should. This was when the labor started to get painful and serious. Sometimes my legs were shaking, like they did when I was pushing with Noble (and probably Kass). Every contraction was a struggle between wanting to just give birth already and being afraid of having the new baby–I was having trouble surrendering, and also afraid of the pain if I surrendered because it was hurting so much already. So, for the next 2 ours-ish, I tried to visualize and complete opening up, as I rode through the very painful contractions and softly “hah hah hah” pushed when I felt compelled, to sustain me–sometimes my body felt compulsive about wanting to just clamp down and push, but the soft pushes satisfied that urge and didn’t hurt as bad as trying to actually push did. I was getting louder and louder with my vocalizations, but the boys were still sleeping not 5 feet away, so I couldn’t have been THAT loud. At one point I got very vocal and during a contraction I yelled at my cervix to open with a loud deep moan. For more depth on the mental stuff during this time, read “The Impact of Najaia’s Birth”.
As soon as Kass had woken up, I felt the need to not freak her out, to give her an experience she wouldn’t be afraid to repeat someday, so when she told me that it looked like it hurt, I explained that it was just hard work. that’s all. Also, I found myself being the comic relief at times, like once after a pretty intense “hah hah hah” contraction, I turned to Kass and said, “This is pretty funny stuff, huh?” We all laughed (even Stardove on the phone), but I couldn’t use that sound for a few more contractions, because I was afraid it would be funny and I would laugh which would hurt and I’d crack and lose it. This was also when I started feeling empowered. I was saying freebirth rocked and that I fuckin rocked I asked them to read some of the birth afirmations, and I was REALLY feeling one in particular (it was an excerpt from a poem by a fellow freebirthing sister, called, “I Am”): “the blood, the shit, the pain, the sweetness, the ecstasy, the glory” (from memory–hopefully I got them right and in the right order!). That one was SO profound for me (which I explain more of in my “Impact” part of this birth story). We videotaped part of this time, but realized we were running out of videotape, so we turned it off to save room for the actual birth. I also remember, during this time, searching my birth affirmations for some inspiration to help me through these contractions, but they were SO not applicable – hahaha. The pain felt like too much. Also, at one point, I kept feeling up inside of me to see if I could feel how dilated I was (I am SO uneducated on this–didn’t even know what was my cervix! so that didn’t help) or if I could feel the head, but I couldn’t. Se I rested my hand at the opening of my yoni and welcomed my baby to come down. I kept saying, “I welcome you.” I think it was around this time that I started to realize how contrary I was actually feeling to this, that I was actually still quite scared of bringing her into the world, so I tried to process this and work through it so I could very much welcome her into the world.
Around 6am, I was having a contraction when Sandy and I heard Kass say, “Hi, Nobi.” I freaked out in the middle of that contraction and was starting to really stress, but Kass was a PRO with him! In fact, I found peace again through chanting, “He’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine” with “hah hah, hah hah, hah hah”s, and those were some of my easiest contractions to ride. Noble’s presence REALLY required me to “rise to the parenting occasion” to not freak him out. I smiled a lot during contractions and was very affectionate and told him I was having his baby sister (he watched birth videos with us, so I figured he knew what I meant) and invited him to join in on my “hah hah hah”s or “heh heh heh”s or whatever vowel fit. At one point during a contraction, Noble turned the volume knob on the music up REALLY loud and I couldn’t help but yelp loudly in surprise and pain (my poor ears, and my poor contraction)–he ran off down the hall and was crying My poor little dude <3 That was tied for “worst contraction” with the second half of the one when Noble woke up. I was alright, though… we all were. When I got up again to stand and roll my hips in circles (I was getting desperate for my cervix to finish opening, so I could birth already), I asked him if he wanted to dance with me.
I can’t remember if I got back into the pool again and was just so miserable, but I hit a point where I was tired of the painful contractions and just wanted to be done. I climbed up on the bed and did the all-fours booty wiggle, begging the baby to roll over. Noble climbed up onto the bed next to me wanting to nurse! Then I got back into the pool, and either shortly after or immediately decided to start pushing. Part of me felt like I wasn’t all the way dilated, but a bigger part felt like I was far enough and didn’t care at that point. The first couple pushes HURT (I was probably forcing the last of my cervix to open or get out of the way), but the pushing felt GREAT and soooooo right (after those first couple). Around this time, Sandy’s son, Eli, woke up, and so the boys were off playing, requiring Sandy and often Kassidy, so I was mostly pushing alone. It took a few contractions before I felt the head move down into the birth canal, and I yelled, “Head!” Sandy and Kass came running over and I think I told them it wasn’t out yet, that I had just felt it inside of me (the reason I say I “think” is because Stardove did not hear me say anything–she thought the head was out and panicked a bit when she wasn’t born in the next couple minutes… Yes, Stardove had remained on the phone for the whole 2 hours!!!!!). Pushing is the best part of labor–you can do something with the energy inside of you (channel it), the time in-between contractions is a real break, and it means it is almost time to hold your baby! Also, for me, it meant being totally out of my head (I had been mentally processing stuff I can’t quite put into words with each contraction–more details in my “Impact” part).
During this time, I kept feeling for the baby’s head, and the first time I felt it was absolutely amazing!!!! I called for Sandy and Kass, and Sandy went to get the camera. Kass was standing there smiling so big. I couldn’t take my hands off her head–I felt something on it and was trying to figure out what it was… “HAIR! She has hair! Oh my god, she has a LOT of hair!!!” Kass got very excited about this, and I asked if she wanted to feel. She looked at the condition of the water (remember my fear about pooping in the water, well I got over that fear fast) and said she would wait–hahaha. I couldn’t stop feeling the baby’s hair It was time to push again, and Sandy was there with the camera. Kass was trying to work the video camera (Sandy helped her set it up). It was still pretty dark in the enclosed bathroom and Kass was telling Sandy to take more pics because the flash helped the videocamera to see. I pushed hard to get the head out, and I was rubbing and stretching out my yoni so that I wouldn’t tear. It seemed like I sat there for a long time with the head out–Sandy was taking a ton of pics. And then it was time to push again, and I pushed HARD to get the body out. She floated up face-down. I caught her, turned her over, and pulled her up to me. She was born at 7:01am.
[The afterbirth parts may be slightly out of order.] As soon as I looked in her eyes, I thought how gorgeous they were and the name Kadara jumped out at me, but I pushed it away because I don’t want it to be her first name, but her middle–this all took a split second. I was immediately amazed with how beautiful she was (funny how amazing it is to finally see what she looks like after wondering for so long, you know?). We called for Noble and told him that he had a baby sister–he wanted to climb into the pool with me, and I did’t deny him. I kept commenting on the fact that she had so much hair. Kass was amazed by the birth and said something like, “You just had a baby, and all you can talk about is her having hair?” (Both my babies were bald, so this was amazing to me!) Noble had taken off his diaper and climbed into the pool, and Kass was crying in amazement, saying this was the happiest she had ever been in her life. Someone handed me the blanket I had set aside to wrap her in, and I remmbered we needed to sterilize the scissors to cut the cord, so I asked Sandy if she wouldn’t mind doing that. Noble and I marvelled at her up close, and Kass from a short distance. I told Noble that she came out of my yoni, and a little bit later he asked if we could put her back–it was so funny because that is such a typical older sibling question, even if he meant it more factually than that he was sick of her and wanted her to go back now.
I was having some cramps and the urge to push, but when I pushed the cord was still going up inside of me. I pushed about 3 times. I asked Sandy to call a fellow freebirthing friend of our’s from the Tribe, because I thought it was the placenta coming out in pieces, and so I wanted some ideas from her as to what I could do to make sure and get all of the pieces out (I was not worried about it being in pieces, because it was only a problem if all the pieces didn’t come out), especially the piece where the cord was attached! Kim suggested that it wasn’t the placenta coming out in pieces but blood clots–they were VERY large blood clots and lots of them, but they came out. Sandy and Kim somehow got disconnected, but I was okay. I laid in the pool with Najaia for ahile waiting for the placenta to come out and dozing off between those painful freakin afterpains–it hurt to try to sit up, so we just laid there and rested. At some point, we called my mom to tell her the baby was born. At about 8:00, we decided to go ahead and cut the cord. We tied it off with a string MB (a fellow Tribesister) had sent for another purpose for Najaia, but I hadn’t gotten it in time, and then Sandy shielded Najaia’s skin while Kass cut the cord At this point, I was ready to get out of the water.
Kass grabbed a new, dry blanket for the baby, and I handed Najaia to Kass, who had wanted to be the second one to hold her, while I climbed into the shower. Once in the shower, I gave a tiny push and the placenta fell out. Kass got me a bag to put it in. I washed up in the shower, got out and got dressed, and climbed into bed. Sandy was holding the baby, so I took the opportunity to nurse Noble, who fell asleep immediately. I then scooted Noble over, got Najaia back from Sandy, and nursed her. We both dozed off for a few minutes. My mom showed up with delicious food for everyone. Life felt unreal at that point–between the lack of sleep, hard work, adrenaline and hormones and goodness-knows what else… I can’t remember the details of the rest of the day, but I was awake for most of the day during visits and also slept during some of those same visits. I cannot begin to express how supported I was during this birth and shortly thereafter (in no particular order, except the first 2):
Sandy, foremost, who put her life on hold, drove 3 hours to me, pampered me with amazing food and even better companionship <3, and was prepared to keep her life on hold and patiently wait for Najaia’s birth. She was the perfect birth companion–completely unobtrusive, perfectly responsive, helpful in all the right ways, and documented most of the labor and got the most amazing pics of the delivery and afterward. She emptied the tub and tidied up and brought me some laundry soap. Even though she was EXHAUSTED, she waited until Annette came before she left. She is beyond amazing! Every moment I just kept thinking, I love you more than I did a moment ago <3 My mom used to ask us, when we were kids, “Have I told you recently how much I love you?” Every time I was overwhelmed with love and thankfulness for her, I asked her this (even after she had left and I couldn’t stop thinking about her).
Kass ROCKS! She was so amazing to bond with during this time, and I am SO grateful at how voluntarily helpful she was (filling the tub, helping with Noble when I woke up, holding the baby whenever I needed to get up and do something).
Stardove stayed on the phone for over 2 hours listening to my birth experience. She also kept the Tribe updated on the details for days, by stalking Sandy’s Facebook account. During those days, she was so excited that she attached her laptop to her hip, stayed up until she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore, and waited with baited breath <3
Many Tribesisters were stalking the posts, sending Blessings and energy through various forms, and pasted poems for her birth <3 So much love <3
Karina got me the gas cards so I could go get my pool and a card signed by loved ones at my old school (even went to 3 different stores to find a card with a mixed baby on it), and came over the day of her birth and helped and stuck around and talked <3
My mom brought us all crepes for breakfast (along with food for the fridge for later) and posted a very sweet status message on MySpace about having an abnormally darling new granddaughter.
My sister came over and brought food for us to eat later and yummies for the time Her boyfriend took Noble outside to play for a while, so he could get some energy out and fresh air and such.
Annette came over for a few hours, and we talked for a little while, and then I got some rest.
I wrote this on another blog I had started, many moons ago. Since this blog is now going to be whole, representing all of me and all of my life, I wanted to share it with you here. This was the description about me on the blog: “I have been on a journey of self for as long as I can remember. I grew up with a nature-oriented, female-empowered mother. I took a detour. This blog is my journey back home.”
Here is the header I used for the blog — I am so proud of it, so beautiful.
Unfortunately, since I first wrote this entry, I neglected the blog the same way I neglected reading more of the book. I look forward to growing a place in my life to read more of the book… Enjoy <3 The remaining is my blog post from that blog:
So, I started reading the book “Women Who Run With Wolves: Myths and stories of the wild woman archetype”, by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Ph. D.
I feel a stirring inside me. This book speaks to the depths of me, the parts of me that long to rise and run free. I have been so domesticated, so civilized, to the expense of my self. She talks about times when we experience the wild woman archetype, maybe during pregnancy or nursing one’s young, attending to a love relationship, sights of great natural beauty, the sound of music that vibrates the sternum and excites the heart, or a word or poem or story. She calls them “tastes of the wild”. Ohhhh, have I had those tastes, and recently, they have left me longing for the whole meal, the lifestyle, the tribe of wild-hearted kindreds.
“The longing for her comes when one happens across someone who has secured this wildish relationship. The longing comes when one realizes one has given scant time to the mystic cookfire or to the dreamtime, too little time to one’s own creative life, one’s life work or one’s true loves.”
She writes, “When women are with the Wild Woman, the fact of that relationship glows through them.” Mmmmm, I’ve felt that. I’ve had days when I felt that glow (today, in fact, and it’s no coincidence — I started reading this book yesterday). Have you seen those woman? The ones who glow and seduce your soul with their allure… The ones who attract equally powerful people into their space or repel some away in fear of her power and beauty.
The author seduces me with words like “soultalk” and “soulfooting”, and talks about “our inner rhythms”.
She talks about the wild woman archetype being similar to wolves:
“Healthy wolves and healthy women share certain psychic characteristics: keen sensing, playful spirit, and a heightened capacity for devotion. Wolves and women are relational by nature, inquiring, possessed of great endurance and strength. They are deeply intuitive, intensely concerned with their young, their mate and their pack. They are experienced in adapting to constantly changing circumstances; they are fiercely stalwart and very brave.”
And they get a bad reputation for their wildness, but wild is really just scary to some because it cannot be controlled — wild has it’s own rules and balances that control cannot dictate. That’s why it is scary to some and deeply appealing to others. The author writes, “… the word wild is not used in it’s modern pejorative sense, meaning out of control, but in it’s original sense, which means to live a natural life, one is which the criatura, creature, has innate integrity and healthy boundaries.”
So, I am feeling very in tune with wolves, and I love that they have a deep relationship with the moon, as I am feeling more connected to her, too. Growing up in an earthy spirituality, it was the wildness that appealed to me, that has called to me since I left, that I long for now. Some stuff does not appeal to me about religion, even the religious aspects of earthy cultures (like hierarchies and some ceremonial stuff), but I feel very connected to a lot of the spiritual aspects, especially the stuff surrounding the power and seduction and freedom of the wild woman archetype. I very much look forward to reconnecting with it. I very much look forward to letting go of some outdated views about myself and gunk that I have been carrying around for far too long. I am ready to sit with the gods and create myself, through digging real deep and releasing the wild woman within.
One of the things I want to do right now is start building a Tribe. I believe strongly in tribal living — and in the very least, a supportive community. It nourishes my soul in the everyday, and supports me to take brave new steps in this adventure of life — and I know I’m not the only one. I want to co-create a tight-knit community of kindreds. I want to chronicle the bits and pieces of my journey, to explore concepts that have to do with building a tribe, to collect information on building and cultivating thriving existing intentional communities, and maybe to inspire others in their own journey toward tribal living.
I already have some posts in the category “building a Tribe”, but since I am not going to have a seperate blog for doing this, I am going to get more intentional on this blog about building my tribe. So, let me start at the beginning: Wanted: Locally: a dedicated group of soulful people to gather with in homes and public spaces, to live life with, to learn with, to create art with, to dance with, to craft with, to cook with, to co-op with, to cry with, to laugh with, to celebrate with, to journey with, to share birth stories and experiences with, to talk all day and late into the night with, to observe and cherish sibling-like relationships between all of our kids with, to have a book club with, to do yoga in the park with, to offer to teach and share our talents with, to support each other, to build and construct life with, to grow passions with, to be open to changing and/or adding to this list with as our Tribe grows and changes.
Worldwide: people who share my values and interests, to pool and explore concepts and resources with. I validate an internet Tribe, and a worldwide Tribe.
It was inevitable. All this soulful deep cleaning, minimalism, simplicity, beautifying. I am going to take everything out of the “internet area of my life” and see what really needs to be put back in to live a whole, organic, natural, family-oriented life.
Currently, that is meaning that I have deleted all other blogs I started (most of you, Dear Readers, don’t even know what I am talking about, because I didn’t have the time and energy to grow them, so I hadn’t publicized them — but the next few posts will be stuff I had been keeping there). I want this blog to be more wholistic — I can’t divide up and sterilize the bits of me and my life any more than I can do it with academic subjects, and I don’t need to try to. This blog is now everything. Hope you like all of me, because all of me is going to be in one place :)) I am going to pour all of me into this one place — pictures, reflections on life and self, updates/snapshots of my family’s life, information and inspiration I may come across. This place is going to be geared toward connecting with friends and family I am already in touch with, and for meeting new ones.
It is also meaning that I am not going to follow the blogs of strangers anymore. They are beautiful, often inspiring. So is my life, and I have been missing it. For every thing I read on someone else’s blog, I could be spending that time with my children or my home or my animals, or finding that in myself and for myself. I need living my life to be where my center of gravity is (thank you, Kristin, for that befitting analogy). This means I will be following the blogs of people I already know and love, to stay connected with them. However, I am not going to get them sent to my email box or read them through Google Reader — I am going to visit them every night, because I find that I am less likely to respond and REALLY connect if it means I have to take extra steps to do so (I’m so sensitive to barriers).
I am going to use Facebook for only 2 reasons: to share my latest blog post and to read select friends’ and familys’ statuses and see pictures, to stay connected and continue to cultivate connections already in place (especially if they don’t have a blog I can follow). Everything I have been doing there I will be doing here now (sharing pics and details of our life).
I am going to unsubscribe to everything that comes to my mailbox (except updates on local groups I am a part of), because there isn’t a thing they can offer me that is worth the time it takes to read about it instead of spending time with my family and living it.
I realized that I use the internet for 3 basic reasons: I am insatiably lonely, I don’t trust myself, and I escape the anxieties that come from living. Big surprise — the internet is not long-term fixing any of these things.
Even the amazing connections I have made via internet leaves me with a hole in my heart because I want to share a backyard with you, and all of you are spread across the country which makes sharing a backyard even closer to impossible (unless everyone wants to uproot their lives and come live on the land I want to buy to start a Tribe — I WILL do this one day in the not too distant future).
Continuing to search out and listen to the voices of others when I have a question or think I am interested in something is not cultivating self-trust, and skipping from step 2 (hmmm, I think I might want to handle this differently) to step 8 (this is how you do it) doesn’t feel like living from the inside out — it’s taking so long to put this stuff into practice because I missed all the steps in the middle because I didn’t live it all. I have just replaced all the “shoulds” in my life from more mainstream ones to more alternative ones — but there are still voices dictating how I should interact with my children, with other people, with the earth, with my home. I need to quiet the other voices so I can hear my own.
Anxieties. So much stuff from my history bubbles to the surface during the day — boredom, frustration, helplessness… So, I grab the closest screen. I want to sit with it, feel it, think about it, follow it, wonder about it and see if it flavors anything else in life. Inside out. Shoving anxiety down doesn’t make it go away, and neither does ignoring it.
I need to figure a lot out. This blog will end up being the conduit between my life and the expression of it. I am an innately expressive being. So, here I am. And I’m off to live life now….
During my sewing day yesterday, I made some of the cutest family cloth, EVER. :)) We have been using family cloth part time for about 2 years. I found out about it after I had been cloth diapering for a couple years, so it wasn’t as big of an “ew” factor as I think some others may feel. Family cloth (in case you haven’t caught on by now, and in case you haven’t read this blog post before) is cloth wipes for the family to use. Besides taking a load off my budget, they take a load off the earth, too. Toilet paper requires cutting down trees, pollution during the processing of them and transportation of them, plastic wrap… – those are just off the top of my head, but I’m sure I could find many more things if I explored it a bit deeper.
There are as many different ways to care for them as there are for cloth diapers. I used to keep them separate and wash them with the cloth diapers, but now, I wash everything together (I use skin-safe cleaners, so I include my cloth towels — no more paper towels around here, either). It works perfect for our family. A load of laundry roughly every other day. We aren’t as germaphobic as some might be, but I do use some vinegar and a few drops of tea tree essential oil when it strikes my fancy.
The only barrier we have found to using cloth wipes exclusively is habit. I am not very good at keeping up on the laundry, so we have been using the wipes when we have them, and paper when we run out (which I buy with the intention of being for guests). So, I decided to remedy that by making a lifetime supply and making them beautiful, so we will WANT to use them and care for them :) I even wrapped them up for each of us like a gift of sustainable deliciousness with “scrap fabric” ribbons :))
I make mine with flannel on one side and terry cloth (towel) on the other — for those times when we need a bit more texture to feel clean ;) …speaking of, and I hope this isn’t TMI for you, but I get them wet before I use them and feel cleaner than dry paper could ever do for me (did you ever see that commercial where they wipe food off plates with a paper towel? Maybe I am starting to see where the roots of this obsession with “down there” being so dirty comes from…?).
Isn’t that purple delicious? I made these for me…
These are for Noble — aren’t those frogs the cutest EVER?! Okay, I’m partial to frogs, and orange :)
These are for Kass – tie dye and peace signs? Perfect for the hippy in us. And the terry cloth is natural, not white, as they look in this pic
These are for Najaia (and a few large ones, not pictured) — once again, “natural”, not white :)
These were too cute to not make — made from scraps from some cloth diapers I made for Jai, so not flannel but cotton knit cheetah print with that luscious purple…
Could I wipe my bum with them? Why not — my bum deserves to be pampered, too ;)
Yesterday, I was a sewin’ fool! I made some long-awaited curtains for my room — well, not THAT long awaited, but when I came up with such a soul-burstingly great idea, it has felt like a long time to have to wait. The sun comes through this window in the morning, and it is one of the things I really look forward to in the mornings. I have never been a sun-worshipper before. I have reveled in the moon, in night, darkness, and cold. I think I got my fill this winter, and with Yule, I have been calling the sun back into my life. So, here they are, to celebrate the returning sun in my window and on the earth and in my life…
They were made from about 10 different batik fabrics, picked because they are my favorites, and because I just knew they would look like stained glass in the window in the mornings. I was right :)) They do. I had turned on the Beatles in my iTunes and got busy. I ended up putting the following song on repeat toward the end, because it was just too perfect to do otherwise. Can you see why I picked that song? Can you imagine how I felt making these? No frustration, just all smiles, even when I hit a snag in my first-attempt-to-ever-design-and-make-curtains experience :) It was amazing <3 I am so in love with these curtains — I can see us growing old together. I have never felt that way about anything before, ever — never even thought about that before. These curtains are so special <3
Whilst (I just love that word — it may be a recent favorite :)) blogging my heart out this week, I managed to not post these pics on here last week, so I thought’ I’d share now :)) Ah, the moments of our life :))
My oldest daughter is now the proud owner of a mohawk.
My baby attended a masquerade ball in our bathroom…
…with Wolverine (who came as Spiderman)
I ran to the store early in the morning and came home to this… MELT MY HEART!
I have this picture of how I would write this. “Wild” would be written long and raw, like blades of wheat extending into the sky for freedom and adventure; the bottoms of the W would extend lower than the “ild”, and “zen” would be written much smaller and squatter and intentionally, under the “ild” — a part of the concept, a place close to the earth, a haven to return to when wild has stretched so far it needs to sink and melt down deep for nourishment and rejuvination.
Wild is earthy and growth and movement. Zen is content with what is, tranquility of being, the essence of beautiful, thoughtful minimalism.
Wild is waves of an ocean at a thriving and exciting shore. Zen is a still lake, deep and contemplative.
Wild is the Amazon jungle, verdant and thriving and rich and dangerous. Zen is a garden with a quarter of small soft rocks, a quarter of soft-sifting sand, a quarter of water, and a quarter of easily-upkept plants, scattered with spots perfect for meditating.
Each of these are a part of me, inside, outside, home, world. They seem like opposites, but really they are two sides of one coin and share so many commonalities, like residing in and coming from nature, being full of nourishment, soaring with spirituality, experienced in solitude or tribally, self-directed.
I am really loving this new name. It very much appeals to my Libra rising (balance), as well as my Pisces sun (soulful), and my Taurus moon (earth-oriented). Let’s see how long it sits with me :)
I am a minimalist at my core. Minimalism is my foundation. I think it is totally possible to live as a minimalist family — kids “need” and can be completely happy with as little amount of stuff as an adult. The thing with minimalism (and I can only speak for myself) is that when we have so little external stuff to care for and maintain and look at and such, we can spend more energy internally, more energy enjoying experiences and relationships, more energy on depth. Because we require so little “stuff”, we can thrive on a smaller budget and we can purchase quality perfect stuff to meet our few needs and desires. If our life were a garden, instead of having many different plants, we would have a few huge ones that were very well taken care of and plenty of time to dance, rest, sing, play, laugh, and cry in our garden since we have so little responsibility. Minimalism can look very different, depending on the person living it. I love being a testament to my own style of minimalism, which centers around a beautiful handmade theme — some I’ve seen can look very sterile and industrial. So, if you research minimalism, don’t be discouraged. You can tailor it to meet your needs :)
If minimalism is my foundation, I build upon it with simplicity. Because a minimalist foundation would be small and practical, my framing can only be, too :) Simplicity looks like adding an ipod and ipod dock to my garden so we can dance to music (and maybe a few instruments that my kids enjoy or could explore), adding an eating area (a small table with storage space underneath for 4 plates, bowls, cups, silverware, a cutting board, a cooler) and a sleeping area (one big bed we all share) or a nice couch to be comfortable and better enjoy each other’s company. Maybe adding a couple twirly skirts for the girls to spin endlessly in, a few books to read together or seperately, a small pile of dirt and some animals, cars, dinosaurs, “guys”, and blocks for my younger kids to play content forever. The bulk of our time would be spent being together, finding new ways to enjoy the spaces we have and the things we have, leaving the garden to see what the world has to offer.
Abundance is embedded in our simple life — in the richness of togetherness, imagination, joy, our values. Abundance of “stuff” might mean we have connections to any and everything we want, like a library full of books (or Amazon to buy and sell), friends willing to loan us stuff, thrift stores to buy from and donate to, a giant world full of free events and days to draw from at our leisure, a few well-rounded amazing places that we pay for membership to (like the Wild Animal Park, an aquarium, and the Museum of Making Music, for example). Abundance is paying for internet so we have access to more information than a together-busy family could ever consume in one lifetime (but we sure try in our spare time!). Abundance is having a digital camera to capture as much beauty and memorable moments as my hard drive will allow. Abundance comes in waves of impermanence. We don’t have to keep everything in our garden forever to be able to enjoy any and everything we want. Abundance may look like my simple sewing interest comes with 2 bookshelves and a large table, and don’t even ask about my simple recycling crafts interest!
Speaking of… A few barriers (and remedies) to this beautiful picture I have just painted: we live consensually and not all of us are as inclined toward impermance of stuff in our space (*cough*cough*myoldest), I have a million started projects, and I have a hard time not accepting something that is free and in good condition. My remedies… Said oldest child can keep as much stuff in her room as long as the door closes. I am working on wrapping up projects (like keeping them all in one place and revisiting them often and trying to find inspiration to complete them) or completing them in one sitting. And we now have a big would-be-empty garage (since we don’t keep a lot of stuff in the garage for keeping) to store the free stuff in for garage sales, Craigslist sales, etc. I have even gathered a few free items that would have been on their way to the dumpster to refinish and find good homes for. It’s quite exciting :)) I look forward to having more time for these interests and sharing them (complete with pictures) with you :)
You may have noticed what seems to be some random posting today (and lots of it!). I am cleaning out another blog I had and posting some of it as new and some of it as archived (stuff from my journey, not info :)) I have updated the tabs at the top of the page as well, so check ’em out and provide feedback if you feel so inspired… Here are a few goodies that didn’t need a whole post to each of themselves :)
We are a radical unschooling family, which is the umbrella term that describes our style of self-initiated natural learning about all aspects of life. It flavors everything in our life, from our family interaction style to personal interests. It determines the ins and outs of our daily life and our grander plans for our future. We are also a consensual living family, so we strive toward mutually-met harmony. Our family interaction style emphasizes keeping each member’s internal compass intact, through trust, connection, authenticity, creativity, and lots of self-reflection.
And
I think it was Dayna Martin who shared that instead of thinking of her home as a museum, it was a workshop, a playground, a studio… This has really helped me to feel comfortable in my home. Now, when I look around, instead of seeing mess that makes my skin itch like nails on a chalkboard, I see a workshop, where clutter and mess and disaster, even, is expected and accepted. I still would like it to be clean (ideally, I want to clean dirt during the day and straighten up at night before bed), but I am completely embracing of it in whatever state it is in now. One simple word: workshop; and my whole perspective on a huge issue in my life changes. Amazing…
And
Daily Affirmation. I thought this might be a wonderful way to start off each day. I got it off the Rethinking Everything Conference e-mail update:
I am here for this and much more. I am here knowing nothing & embracing it all. I give my self fully in service, not because it is good or right but because it is what I want. This is not a task but a dance, a dance that I love. I am ready.
And
Strewing is one of my favorite unschooling concepts. Strewing is the act of introducing new things into life – it is like tossing new things into a child’s path (and your own), and sometimes they lead to deeper interests in them. Some examples could be going to a museum, picking up some books from the library and leaving them somewhere in their view, going to a park day with a new group, making a food dish from another country, seeing a movie, getting cable, etc. The things is, though, to not get attached to the outcome of a child being interested in going further with it. It is just doing it for the sake of doing it. I trust that if my child is “meant” to learn more about it, they will show interest, and we can go from there.
One of the main reasons I love the concept of strewing is because I don’t feel so much pressure. I feel very comfortable with a seperateness of “our stuff” and “new stuff”, which helps me to prioretize my energy. For me, organizing life in this way really helps me to not over-commit, which I do SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much. And then I can add a thing here or there and see if it takes, then incorporate it into our life before moving on to find another opportunity for strewing :)
**I have just started to see something else as strewing: my experience and opinions and whatever I have to offer my kids. So, when something happens that provides opportunity for me to talk, I understand that my POV is an opportunity for strewing :)
And
(from a yahoo group — author not me) Is there anything that happened to you when you were the same age as your son? It is common for your painful memories from your childhood to surface screaming for you to notice and integrate and release them when your child is the age you were when it happened.
And
The mental state called worrying is dreaming while we are awake.
Our worries also cause us to experience fear, anger, and grief.
Yet, when we extract ourselves from this mental daydream and examine our thoughts objectively, we perceive a worry as it is: A thought about something not yet occurred.
Therefore, a worry is an illusion; it contains no substance.
However, because of our inherent creative abilities, when we entertain a particular worry long enough, when it becomes a repetitive loop in our inner dialog, at some point on our timeline it manifests as an actual physical circumstance.
Why? Because worrying is a powerful prayer.
–Michael Brown
And
Posted on another group, I wanted to share how this phrase can be used as a tool. The phrase, “I love myself unconditionally” does not move me the way “What would it be like if I loved myself unconditionally?” Wow. I get flooded with possibilities with the second. So wanted to share this tool :)
And
“How much of your day is consumed by what you perceive you have to do? Rules you think you have to follow? Games you believe you have to play? What can you do to get out from under it all? QUIT! It’s the one choice we never seriously consider. Quit something you feel you must do and you’ll soon discover that you never had to do it in the first place. In the process you’ll discover what you really want to do. By letting go, you’ll experience the genuine fullness and vitality of truly living. Quitting is an easy read and it will free you in all aspects of your life.” — Jerry Stocking