The Home Tour :)))
Okay, so, yes. It took this many months to get things straightened out enough that I feel ready to share pics! I still have work to do (like in the bed area, hence the not-so-many pics LOL).
**edit: Here is an old post with “before” pics :)
Anyone who has ever tried to take pics of such a tight space knows that these barely do it justice LOL I also realized I missed a few pics entirely that I hope to come back soon and add :) The feel I was going for was cozy, beautiful, kid-friendly, self-crafted, vibrantly colored, where everyone has their own little spot to call their own, with plenty of togetherness :)) I love this simple, blissful life :D
From my home to your’s <3
 |
| Looking toward the front of the RV |
Some of the rennovations I did that you can see from this pic are painted the walls white, ripped out the bent-frame couch and put in my own couch from the house (which fit to the inch!!), put in the cat climber for the cats (that doubles as a ladder to get up to the bed), took out the blinds and installed homemade curtains (the colorful one you see is my sun curtain — made 2 winters ago to welcome the sun back and bring warmth and sunshine to our home), and put dry erase board on the fridge front :))
In the loft, I found dry rotted wood that I could poke my finger through (!!) and tons of mold! So, I had to rip out all the wood down to the aluminum siding, and frame and rebuild the walls. HUGE HUGE project that almost did me in! It is still very unfinished, but safe, at least :D We put a queen size mattress up there, and we all sleep sideways with our feet hanging off the end LOL
 |
| The living room area :) |
A better view :)) It is incredibly spacious! People are always amazed. I love this floorplan!
 |
| LOVE our hardwood floors! |
We ripped out the red shag carpet (gag!) and put in hardwood flooring that I found for free on Craigslist, from a guy who was renovating his house and wanted this stuff gone. Still need to sand, stain, and lacquer, but I love it so so much :))) It makes cleaning SO much easier, and no bulky vaccuum to store, either!
 |
| The couch, complete with homemade pillows :))) |
 |
| Where we usually have our TV and game systems set up :)) |
This table was bought as a garage sale by one of my dearest friends. It was so perfect that I bought it from her and Kass used it in her room (we have the carvings of K+K with a heart around it to prove it!). In the RV, my fabulous neighbor built and painted drawers to fit the slots, and it started out as the kids’ play table with all their toys. Currently, it holds various home stuff (electronics, gaming stuff, board games, candles, ipod dock, etc). Next to it, you can see we have one of those clothing type hooks that go over a door, hooked onto the back of the dinette and holding our backpacks and hats and such.
 |
| The dinette area that doubles as a twin bed for company :) |
The dinette cushions still need to be recovered, but they have fabric covering them for now :)) This is such a useful and cozy nook :) The star hanging down from the cubbards above holds a tea light candle :))
 |
| Kitchen shot #1 |
In the kitchen, I tore out the teeeeeensy original sink and put in a full sized sink that someone ditched by the dumpsters behind my old house (YAY!), gutted under the sink and made some cubbard doors to keep all my carefully arranged kitchen stuff inside, painted the back wall plum with raised spirals to take the focus off the horendous condition of the wood, and shifted some cubbard fronts around since the cubbard above the sink used to hold a microwave.
 |
| From the side |
 |
| And the other side :))) |
Those were the only magnets I saved out of gobs of ones Kassidy used to make at daycare <3 They are my favorites :D
 |
| The bathroom |
Don’t even know where to start in explaining to bathroom! Okay, I took a jigsaw to the door frame to widen it a bit (we are using a curtain as a door for now, until I build and install some saloon doors out of the same wood as my flooring and cubbard doors — yeah!), ripped off the black moldy wood walls and installed water-friendly walls (expensive!!) after taking the back wall down to the aluminum siding again and rebuilding due to more dry rot, tore out the bulk of the water-damaged sink tops and built a shelf on the back wall for holding stuff, (not pictured above the window) is a repurposed wood shelf/cubby for holding toothbrushes, etc., and painted like crazy in there!! We currently have our shoe basket in there, after finding spiders hiding under it when it was outside… We use the tub as a laundry hamper, since we can’t really use it until we stay somewhere with full hookups :))
 |
| Dreamy spots we can create :))) |
 |
| The kids’ playroom :) |
The add-a-room!!!! OMGosh, what a LIFESAVER!! It not only quadrooples our square footage, but it is so cool and peaceful in there. All the kids’ toys are in that giant wicker trunk, and the kids have lots of outdoor stuff. All of this stacks neatly on that table inside when we are between campsites :))
 |
| A shady spot under a tree with a great view :) |
 |
| Kass’ favorite spot in the house :) |
This is Kass’ little nook :D Sometimes she sleeps in it with an electric heater to stay warm :)) It stores in the van when we are between campsites, or up on the bed if the van is indisposed :))
 |
| Home sweet home :)) |
Ahhhhh, Bliss.
So, we opted for a different setup than mentioned in my last post. That site was not beautiful, and I really needed some wild green open space in my life. So, we picked a different campground. Here are a few snapshots of our month. Just what this soul needed <3
 |
| Camp is set up :) |
 |
| The view from our first site… |
 |
| How I set up the add-a-room :) |
 |
| The lake with ducks, and magic baby connection <3 |
 |
| Horses on the trails :) |
 |
| Undisturbed teen time :)) |
 |
| Miles of nature trails = LOTS of adventures :) |
 |
| A playground :) |
 |
| Wild animals |
 |
| Fun with fellow campers |
 |
| Company with some of our favorite people :) |
 |
| More of our favorite people :) |
 |
| Mamas who mother the way I do <3 |
 |
| Magic baby connection and plenty to explore together :) |
 |
| Peace |
 |
| Zen |
 |
| Joy |
Ready, Set…
Next week we stay at our first monthly campsite. I am bursting with excitement for personal and professional reasons!!!
Firstly, we are hoping to get into a site that is in our favorite town, so we will have easy access to all our favorite places to go and things to do :)) The only hang-up is that they don’t usually take RVs as old as our’s, so I have to bring pics and cross my fingers that we pass the “attractive enough” test… I think we can do that :)) If they are fine, we are IN! If not, we will go to a campground that is much farther away — either way, I AM going to stay in one place for a whole month (hopefully more than just 1! lol).
Secondly, I am itching to dive back into the unschooling community here and possibly start a co-op, to free up some time for me and other parents to do what needs to be done without sacrificing that unschool flavor for our kids’ days and lifestyles. More on this later, as I start building a tribe locally.
And thirdly, this will finally give me the security and groundedness to dig down into my businesshood and get things growing. I have so many ideas and support :)) I am going to be re-vamping my site here to promote and support this new direction. I’m really excited about what that means :)
I took some time to ask what my expertise was, what I had to offer the world. I thought about the bazillion hours I have spend in the last 5 years of transforming my own life, and realized that what I have to offer is helping families concerning gentle parenting, unschooling, unpacking birth fears, and catapulting into personal free living. I can also toss in my credentials: a BA in psychology topped off with some formal child development certificates, and then there is 4 years of unschooling my children as well as having been unschooled myself during high school years, SO FREAKIN MANY hours of heavy research and deep reflection on the before-mentioned topics, an unassisted birth with my youngest, and 13 years of amazing relationships with my children through thick and thin, only child and multiples, consensual parenting and single parenting :)) Wow, I have done a lot!
So, I plan to be jumping right in and getting stuff going as soon as I am settled down in our new home-spot. I want to provide phone consultations/coaching for families who need specialized help in one area or another, parenting classes online and locally in person, e-books, videos, and whatever other mediums I can think of to share everything that is bursting forth! My prices will start off SUPER reasonable, as I practice and learn and get all organized and such. So, if you have been interested in looking into some coaching but couldn’t afford it (I know, unschoolers are usually 1-income families), this might be a great opportunity for you (or a gift for a friend).
April is the month!!! Growing good stuff this Spring :D

 |
| Photo found here |

The Prodigal Woman
I know it has been a while since I have posted on here. I will be honest, I haven’t been feeling very insightful recently. The weird part is that I have been proud of myself for living more aligned with my values of love and peace through adversity than ever. But stress and some other things that feel “unaligned” seem to monopolize that place where insight used to grow and want to be shared from.
We have been just BEing recently. It has been free-ing, but I feel kinda unproductive. I had such big dreams for this RV-journey that we were going to embark upon. Now I feel like I am spinning my wheels (very slowly, even) in mud. I am trying to dream, to stay focused on my dreams. I think I used up all my motivation and inspiration LOL Now, I am replenishing? Who knows…
So, our plans at this point are to comandeer some land (LOL) and start building and growing a life. I need some stillness. I miss the comfort that comes with being in the same space over and over and over and over. I want to lay in one spot in the sun on the grass for about a month, I think LOL
I am ready for a small beautiful home nestled on big green faery land not too far from the beach, to build things and grow things, to live sustainably, to richly unschool my children, to create a face Tribe, to run my own business, to have the freedom to spontaneously travel, to love a partner and build together a wildly blissful life and family, with lots and lots and lots of stolen romance.
A place for building big dreams, treehouses, a big swing, animal habitats, playhouses, pillow forts, fairy gardens, labrynths, coy ponds, and anything else I can find on the internet to inspire me :)
I have sure come full circle. I wanted to get out of my house because I was feeling restless about just laying around browsing the internet at my will, feeling over-full on inspiration and needing experiences to live them. Now, I am reallllllly looking forward to just laying around browsing the internet at my will, feeling over-full on inspiration LOL
I am grateful for the journeys I have taken, even if they all end up leading right back to home. I guess that makes me a bit of an adventurer LOL I feel like the prodigal woman :)) And I have a whole new appreciation for it all. I love the life I have lived, the many adventures (often contrasting) that I have undertaken, and what meaning it all brings to my present. I love how thinking about it reminds me of the powerful manifestor that I am. I have really done a lot of things! I have felt so passionately about so much in my life — what a blessed life to have lived. Not that it is over. No, not at all :)))
I think I am learning to not take it all so seriously. I used to be such an extremist, like something I was going to do or was into was radically completely amazingly transforming everything in my life from the bottom up. Okay, so maybe it did. Maybe it’s just more normalized for me to radically change everything from the ground up now? Well, whatever it is, I feel less attached to the permanence I once felt about the whole thing.
I was afraid to grow on land, the way I want to now. I was afraid to invest in something that would ultimately be impermanent. But I have learned that I can beautify the world, even if I don’t stay with that spot forever. And I have learned that I will find another amazing wild chapter to pursue once this land chapter has died off in my heart. I don’t have to be afraid of something being amazing, or of something ending or being gone. I will keep on trekin’.
Home is…
…where the heart is.
This has a whole new meaning for me right now. It is oh-so-clear to me that home is the abode my heart is invested in being in. I have learned a lot about “home” recently. “Home” has changed so much. In the last couple years, we have lived in a huge house of our own, a medium house of our own, an RV of our own, a van of our own, and now staying with a friend in her home.
I used to struggle with feeling at home in our home. I had so many issues about it being clean enough, and then about it being too clean and feeling sterile. I was uncomfortable, and so I think people sensed my discomfort and felt uncomfortable, too. People didn’t come over and stay all day every day, and we didn’t have a lot of friends who we did that with, either.
I always longed for it. And I love love LOVE being here with my friends. Finally, I feel like I am living tribally, communally. This is such an amazing exercise in togetherness.
I love staying with my friend in her home, but I am ready to have our own home, to be in our own home.
I got into the RV knowing that afterward I was going to live in a house on some land and grow roots, family depth, and everlasting community. I am ready to invest in some land, on some land, into some land. Our family is bursting with an abundance of ideas for our land, like a labrynth, a tree house, a garden, a huge sandbox, lots and lots of outdoor area for play and exploration. A swing for me and my beloved to sit in on a warm night or a beautiful day. A fort. A playhouse with a kitchen. All of this homemade, of course. Oh, yes. Yummy to my soul.
A lease-locked box attached to the earth didn’t sound appealing to me in the very recent past, even. But now, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I have so many ideas for the inside, too — little bits that make a house feel like a warm and inviting home, a place to grow a family and a love relationship and community of unschoolers and red-tenters.
Now to convince myself that this can be manifested as quickly as I manifested this RV lol
I’m ready. We all are <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
This is Our Life
The novelty is wearing off. And we are still in love :))) Sorry to annihilate a suspenseful post — I’m just so excited to share LOL
I feel like we are going through the throes of life, and I keep checking in to see if we need to make some big changes (like give up our big dreams of a roadventure and settle back into a house), and I keep coming up with “This is still perfect”.
A house isn’t going to save us from the funk :) And even if it would be nice to sit or lay somewhere for a whole day or more, a house isn’t the “big picture cure”, so we find a place to sit or lay for as long as possible (which has been the library for us for the last 2 days — from open to close). I have gone inside on retreat. I opened up Netflix on my laptop for Noble, and he watched for 2 days straight (minus sleeping and hardcore park play the mornings before the library opened up). And I read. I finished 3 partially-read books the first day (I haven’t finished 3 books over the last 3 YEARS, so that was quite an accomplishment), and the next day I read a couple magazines put out for counselors, which helped me get through my block to being a guru.
I feel rejuvinated and ready for my next step in life. I have so many ideas that revolve around travel. Eek! I am thinking about putting on free workshops in various community centers across the country about living big dreams. Oooh, Living Big Dreams — I LOVE that name!
I really want to live my calling. I have been thinking so much about that recently. I have been wondering what my Message is, how it is similar and how it is different from other messages that are close to me. I have been in creative mode — thinking of a million ways to create in various areas of my life.
If I were a goddess (and I am, ask Goddess Leonie), what would I be the goddess of? Ooooooh, how do I narrow it down to just one thing? LOL Self Truth? Self Design? Enthusiastic Living? Actualizing Big Dreams? Ooooh, so much deliciousness :)) Still need to find the most core-est (LMAO) connection between the 2, because THAT is it, I think :)) Every venture in my life has come from that place, and what an adventure it has been! LOL
According to Heather Madder, our whole life is created and meant to hone, challenge, and experience our life message. What has my whole life revolved around? Self, definitely…. Being true to myself. Grasping for big dreams and making them happen. Learning to Trust my Truth and mywholeself. Taking off my blinders and following the callings inside me for new direction. Shaking off old bits and growing up to the sky. Letting go and allowing in the seasons life experiences. Living more NATUREly. Ditching my shackles and dancing a life of free.
I’m seeing that theme again…
I know this can’t just be my message. I know I am not the only naturally-carefree-spirited child who grew up to be reserved and afraid. I know connecting with fellow Sunshine People will help us all BURST out of the thick heavy clouds that we carry around us to keep our sun rays inside, safe.
I think there is a reason that my enthusiasm is contageous for people — it is my calling, and a part of my message.
I think I just found that connection between Self and Truth and Dreams…. My Dreams and my Self are One, and this is Truth. Hmmmm, gonna sit with that for a while today and see if it is the core-est Truth of my message.
Free self and dreams. Ooooh, I like it :)) Gonna take it and run :))
 |
| This is like a view of our life… |
This Self-Guided Journey

 |
| Yes, another pic of the road from the driver’s seat :) |

I am a radical unschooler to the depths of me. I am proud to be realizing how deeply I have internalized this philosophy that feels so right in my head and in my heart. Maybe that is why I am so easily integrating it? I feel like it and I are the same.
So far, the last few months have been an experience of opening myself up to the raw, to the authentic, to searching for alignment during all of this. I often feel lost and overwhelmed by what I have done. Sometimes, I wonder what the heck I just did. Once or twice I have even asked myself if this was the right thing to do.
Parts of me wants to climb back under the covers and bury myself in familiar comfort. But a bigger part of me has undertaken an adventure, and the deepest depths of my soul reply with a resounding yesssssssssss, when I ask if this was right. (Plus, I can crawl up on a blanket in a park and get the same comfort — oh, yeah, baby!)
It can be scary, but it is right. Even if I regret that I gave up my free housing to return to someday, even if I am already ready to ditch the RV. I never would be where I am right now if I hadn’t experienced what I have so far. I never would have been ready for a house again if I hadn’t ditched the house I had and given my all to this path. I always would have wondered about this RV if I hadn’t followed the inside of me that said it was right — it didn’t have to be right for forever, but it was right when it was right.
This is a self-guided journey, and I am thankful that I am very attuned with my self. I know what I want, even if I am not always sure how it is going to happen. Sometimes, I get scared when I feel something calling me — I am not always trusting of myself or my journey, and that is shifting more and more.
I get questioned a lot (who doesn’t when they exit the throes of traditional living?). Now that I am internalizing “I am a self-trust master”, I feel less inclined to justify myself or even answer questions. Is it my job to calm other’s fears about my life (especially when every answer has been covered in depth in my blog LOL)? I think there are no better answers than to just live it and let people see. And people often seem uncomfortable when someone isn’t sure about things, so it is just easier to keep living my truth on my path, than express to people that I don’t know something but that it is okay. I am flying by the seat of my pants, and this is AMAZING right now! It is meant to be, and it is healing, and it will all be okay.
It is okay. I can comfort people in their anxiety about my path, the way I wish I had been comforted as a child with anxiety… It’s okay, and I will be present with you until you feel okay (even if it is just holding a space of “okay” in our relationship).
I am feeling very strongly aligned with my truths these days. Moreso than ever before. I guess when I cleared away all the gunk piled on top of my Truth, my Truth is clearer and more demanding. It’s been quite a treat coming out of denial (and I don’t mean the river in Egypt) about things. Getting real. And I mean real real. Like “f*ck it if they don’t get it” real — I’m tired of all the busywork. Tara calls this “nailing it”. At least, I hope this is it… I’m still in the early learning stages.
This self-guided journey means that it is guided BY me, OF me, FROM me, FOR me. And that may mean that folks see me driving in circles, crying and feeling lost, and appearing to backstep, but it is all forward, and it is all coming from within — a self-guided journey.
It is Fall, and I am LIVING deconstruction right now, watching things die away from my life, celebrating old leaves drying up and becoming compost for new growth. I am looking forward to hybernating for a while this Winter in retreat, and then rebirthing like a pheonix this Spring. By Summer, I should be rejuvinated and bursting with life! Haha, as if I am not already… hahahahahah
Today has been a chocolate-covered macadamia nut day, with my journal close. I started the day in sweats and boots and a hoodie — oh yeah, THAT kind of day. Yummy for the insides :))
I am ready to undertake probably one of the biggest parts of this journey: social anxieties. I am ready to heal through relationships, ready to meet my peeps in person and be vulnerable and authentic and invite rejection and acceptance. How F-ing scary! These people I have been loving and sharing with for years, who know the depths of my soul but not how I am actualizing them or not — will they see me and “catch me” being an imposter? Will they see through me and see that I am just a wanna be, a poser? Will they see inside me, and will they unconditionally accept what they find? Can I?
Even bigger than that, can I be comfortable leaning on them for help? Found a landmine — I will be back about that later.
Alright, enough babbling about my view of my journey from this spot.
Please, PLEASE share with me about how you exercise being assured of your own self-guided journey.
p.s. – I forgot to mention my whole point, which was that I trust my path, and I am just following it for what it is. I know all the answers I have been searching for are on the journey when I stop resisting.
I Feel It Coming
I am starting to itch. The open road is calling me.
It was a whisper buried beneath this wild ride of a transition. With nothing left to drown it out, it is getting louder and more demanding.
It sounds like the wind, full of promises, whispering sweet everythings into my ear like the swishing in a seashell.
It comes in snapshots before my eyes of open highways with picturesque landscapes, whenever I get into the van and look out my giant front window.
It’s a restlessness in the depths of my muscles and my very soul, like it is pulling me toward new horizons by the seat of my pants.
Sometimes, I get wrapped up in my fears and try to quiet the voice — please wait, I beg. I’m not ready.
Not good enough, I am hearing is it’s new reply. It promises healing to all the things that are “keeping me here” — my oldest child’s emotional nourishment, my own “unstuckness”, my social anxieties resolved, our financial sustainablity.
Promises of healing. Experiences to stretch. Opportunities to grow.
A long overdue vacation of the spiritual and soulful sort.
……..
If I left November 2nd, eastbound, we would be in Florida for the coldest months of the year. When it started to warm up, we could head north. Then we could head west and spend the late summer in Oregon. And then back down here in time for next winter.
A year trip (depth). In the van (simplicity). Connecting with my tribe. Having experiences. Retreating in nature. Growing as a family and as individuals.
This feels right <3
Look out, World, here we come!
p.s. – yesterday I felt lost and cried a lot. I love the clarity that grows from that <3
It’s All Downhill to the Beach
 |
| This is so symbolic of our journey |
I was born in a town by the ocean, and lived in this giant county for 10 years of my life, until we moved to New Mexico and then Colorado and travelled all over the US. Then we moved back to this town by the ocean that I was born in (that is now a city). We have been here for 17 years.
Once I got over missing the Rocky Mountains, I really loved living so close to the ocean. I can feel it inside me, the pull. I have always loved the idea of the beach, although all that sand that gets in nooks and crannies and is hard to walk on has actually been a barrier to enjoying the beach.
I am a Pisces — I am water. I am soooooo water. One of the biggest parts about living nomadically is being able to be as changeable as water needs to be.
Once I started selling everything we own, it all just flowed. The whole experience just flowed. We spent a lot of time working on the RV and postponing the adventures that come from living in the RV. But once we got to a point where the RV was done enough, we went to the harbor and stayed there for 4 days. That was when I fell in love with the beach, sand and all. In fact, the sand in nooks and crannies suddenly was a reminder that we were living on the beach, and it was wonderful.
We found peace in the sand, and the walk on the jetty still lingers in my awareness.
I feel so connected to the ocean and to the beach life right now, I can only begin to explain. Where the RV is parked right now is a block away from the beach, and we wake up to the sight of the ocean from our bedroom window. It feels so right to be so close to the beach. We have been staying pretty close to it in our adventures.
The picture above was taken on one of those adventures by the beach. The hill just led right down to the beach, and it seemed somehow symbolic of our life right now, in a way that I wasn’t ready to explore just yet… Now I am.
Our life has been downhill to the beach over the last few months — downhill (the flow of the simplification process) to the beach (I seem to be have been led to the beach and can’t leave). The beach, the ocean is so symbolic to me. The ocean has always called me, being the water woman I am, and now I can be with it; the beach has been a barrier that is now “not easy” but brings it’s own “life symbolism” that I have been enjoying soaking in.
Living in the RV really is much easier than living in a house. I feel like it is downhill. SO easy. I mean, other than the whole “stuff keeps breaking” bit. I think staying in the van will be even easier. The less distractions from what’s important, the better :))
It’s all downhill to the beach…
Picking Up the Pieces
I have had a nice little adventure in “deconstruction land”, where I realized some deep and powerful barriers in my life. I can’t wait to share them with you. I have felt like a mess for a couple days, and now I am picking up the pieces, a bit more mindful than before, a bit more aligned than before, a bit more able to design my life than before.
Tara describes it best… These barriers are like a wall that you keep bumping into. Oh, was I bumping. In fact, they were so deeply a part of my foundation that I couldn’t even see them. I am very blessed to be doing some digging deep and Organic Life Coaching with Tara (from The Organic Sister). She was able to catch stuff that I couldn’t see. It has been amazing — not all happy, wonderful stuff. Just A.MAZ.ING. Revelation after revelation. She is so intuitive, and she picks stuff up before I even know it is there, and she really nails it when I am doing something I am not even aware of. She is awesome — shameless plug for her :))
So, what is this stuff I have been realizing that has been shaking my world, you may ask?
I justify. So so so sososososososososo badly. In fact, once she mentioned it and I started digging, I realized that almost everything I do (outside of just DOING something) is justifying, be it to myself or to others. It is really shaping my awareness in relationships — some relationships are heavy with me feeling like I need to justify myself, and some I feel so free knowing they believe the best and there is no need. It is helping me pave my path in friendships.
The reason I justify myself is because I am still practicing being a self-trust master. When I look back on how far I have come in self-trust, I see how awesomely far I have come. What I can see that is left is not justifying my crazy ventrues, my callings in life, my wildness. Does a master justify themselves to people who are in doubt? Especially in a “please understand and accept my path because I need your support” kind of way? Heck no! They just go about their life being true to their Truth. Being a self trust master is a form of ninja — stay deeply centered, avoid attacks, maintain daily. I am working on embodying the affirmation that I am a self-trust master. I can feel it growing from my heart out into my limbs. It feels AMAZING.
I get this serious anxiety around cleanliness and clutter and many more things. I have been trying to unpack it for a couple years. I haven’t been able to find the root of it, and then, as I was already below the surface for some other stuff, I tapped into the “anxiety plant” and think I located the root: “when things are dirty, bad things happen”. I was punished as a child for dirtiness (mostly by my well-intentioned stepmom), and me being the “pleaser” that I have always been really internalized the lesson. Realizing this made punishment *click* for me. It’s not always an intentional punishment, like being grounded… it can be as simple as a look or an exhale of just the right length. I internalized a lot of punishment (anxiety-causing stuff), and I think this accounts for the bulk of my anxiety in life. WHEW! That was helpful!!!
Another is that I realized that I can stop digging deep. This has been an AMAZING realization. It may seem obvious to others, but not for me. I mean, I was digging like a maniac. I just kept digging, not trusting that I was far enough, that this was enough, that I am good now. I didn’t trust that I could assess when I am done digging on something — I thought I was not digging deep enough. Becoming a self-trusting master and realizing the bulk of my anxiety stems more from conditioning than some unbeknowst (sounds like a word to me!) thing I was missing has helped with this.
And lastly, I am getting real with myself and letting go of the denial I am in on stuff. If I am resistant to something, it’s because I am in denial about something concerning it. I’m trying to get real with as many of those things as possible. Usually, I am in denial because I try hard to intentionally be different or feel differently. I am going to get real before I try to build on that thing with intention.
…….. so.
That crash course update was about as fast as it came to me, too. This has been over the last, like 2 weeks! That is a LOT for 2 weeks.
That is what I love about living on the road (okay, so I haven’t left the county yet — I’m still “on the road”!). Once I got rid of the rug, I had to deal with all the crud I had been hiding under it! That was totally intentional. I am arranging life in such a way that my experiences will facilitate the learning I am wanting in my life, for my life. The road is ruthless — it doesn’t allow you a rug to sweep crap under or space to run and hide from it. The road is more like a magnet, drawing in experiences to help you deal with the crud. Deal with it, or keep having problems.
One last bit to what I have been dealing with is bigger than I have explored yet, and that is my “issues” in social situations. I have had serious social anxieties that are all being thrown up in my face as I am having more and more interactions with people and leaning on friends more than I ever would have wanted to. Feelings of unworthiness, fear of loss, frustration over differences… oh, yeh, baby — it’s all surfacing and demanding processing before I drown.
The other thing that has happened in this adventure so far, that has been way more than I expected, is the wonderfulness of experiences with my children. We are on the move daily. I have been needing this in my life, in my unschool journey. Facebook has become my homeschool portfolio, chocked full of pictures and snippets of what fills our days :)
This adventure has already been way more than I even dreamed of, all over the place.
Vanpacking
– it’s like backpacking, only the van does all the work.
Can you believe that after living in the RV for a month and half, I am still feeling like we are living with so much excess, like I haven’t whittled away enough, like *stuff* is still getting in the way of experiences, and an RV is too big and too much?
Simpler. Smaller. Easier.
Pluses about the RV
- it has a bathroom
- it is indoors and house-like for rainy days and family/input days
- it has a fridge and kitchen in general
- it’s gorgeous on the inside
Pluses about traveling in the van
- gas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- go places 3 times as fast or only spend a third of the gas money
- smaller (easier to maneuver and park)
- only the very most important *stuff* present (allowing for the most experiences)
- more space above the bed (in the RV above the cab is about 2 feet, in the back of the van would be like 3 or 4 feet!)
- we would be invisible — no one notices a silver minivan
- the van is MUCH more reliable (newer, better condition engine, etc.)
The RV is feeling heavy to me — it’s so high maintenance. And it’s an eye sore on the outside until I can paint it, which feels like it will never get done! I am all about beauty, AND I don’t want to get treated worse (classism and all).
I am looking to have a very specific journey. I don’t know the details, but I know it requires dumping the excess shit in my life and getting real. I’m so tired of so much!!!!!!! I am realizing that I used to be agoraphobic and a slight hoarder, and I am realizing just how stopped my life was for so many years. I buried my self under layers of anxiety and stuff, and I am trying to uncover me and get to know me. I need some retreat, some time to have lots of experiences (especially with my children), to find something that is lost.
This is a spiritual quest, a soulful journey. I am looking for something, and I don’t know what it is or where exactly it is, but I know it is on this path and I will know when I have it.
I am thinking about taking the van for a trip up the west coast — just strapping some surfboards and a solar panel to the roof of my van, building a bed frame in the back of it for an uber-comfy bed, piling our stuff under the bed, and hitting the open road. I think I need the simple mobility, the retreat, the ocean, my books and writing supplies, and plenty of space to deconstruct and regrow, the family solitude, the Tribe experiences (meeting some of my Tribe along the way), and room for the unexpected.
Somehow, we will head back down here, especially in time for Thanksgiving in a super cool RV campsite for 2 weeks (blessings from a dear new friend) and decide what we want to do at that point. Do we want to sell the van, sell the RV, travel in the van a bit longer and return to the RV after making our national tour we had planned before, or something else entirely.
I think I really need this trip. I think I really need to do this in the van. I feel absolutely crazy, but not crazy enough. I really want to embrace my crazy and be real.
Peace in the Sand
I am still soaking in the soul nourishment from our overnight camping at the beach. It started upon arrival. We found the perfect spot, overlooking the playground, next to the new bathrooms, and within eyeshot of a firepit we wanted to nab that night. An amazing soul sister and her family came to join us for a bit of fun at the playground, then blessed us with the means to spend the night there.
This mama was in Pisces heaven!
I took a gazillion pictures and spent SO.MUCH.TIME just reflecting and standing in awe of how our time was perfectly unfolding.
After our friends/family left, we ran down to the water, where the kids played and I explained some stuff about the ocean to my Pisces son (like how the tides work and how sea creatures once lived in the shells we were finding).

 |
| I am home |

 |
| We found peace in the sand |

The kids got wet and sandy, and we headed back up to rinse off in the showers, as some new friends of ours showed up to bar-b-que with us.

 |
| The sun starting to set |
The food and the company was delicious — complete with the s’mores :)) We quickly realized that the firewood we (overpricedly) purchased was not going to be enough to get us through the bar-b-que even, so Kass went on a hunt for more firewood and blessed us with some HUGE heavy pieces that I knew would last us all night :))

 |
| The firepit was magic, toasty, incredibly healing. |
 After our friends left, me and the kids just sat there with the fire — the kids did a bit of dancing around to their favorite tunes, and Kass serenaded us to her favorite YouTube videos until her phone died. And we just sat. Noble fell asleep in my arms. I sat there for a long time thinking, “This is it. This is what this is all about.”
After I went and laid him inside the RV (and Kass stayed inside to read), Najaia and I grabbed my drum and headed back out to the firepit. It was a full moon. Let me back up a bit…. When I was pregnant with Najaia, I developed a burning desire to drum, so for my birthday right after she was born, I bought a djembe drum off Craigslist with background and energy I could vibe with :) I had plans to visit drum circles and hula hoop jams :) Well, we haven’t left the house with it, but the kids have enjed showing me what natural drummers they are inside :)) I, personally, seem to not be made for drumming, as I cannot keep a rhythm to save my life.
So, I bring the drum down to the firepit. And Najaia and I get comfy and start drumming together. I close my eyes and think of the full moon, and let the full moon channel through me. I can’t say the sound was necessarily something I would proudly display, but it flowed through me and was a first step on my drum-playing-learning journey <3 What was most amazing was the magic that Najaia and I shared. As you can imagine, her and I don’t get a lot of alone time together. This was extra-special :))
That night, I got to fall asleep to the sound of waves crashing at the shore… *melt*
The next morning, Najaia awoke with me, and we headed out to the playground to play, where I met an amazing hippy mama with kids spaced almost exactly like mine! I kept thinking, gosh, now that I have gotten out of the house in the last month and a half, I am meeting the most AWESOME people! Noble awoke while we were at the playground, and after our friends left, I grabbed my drum, and me and the babies headed down to the water.
The beach was almost empty (early morning, school in session), and that was where the drumming magic happened. It started with the kids drumming (and Najaia dancing, too)
and then it was my turn to drum. I channeled the ocean and listened to the drum, and it seemed my arms knew what to do, and my hands, too. It sounded AMAZING! Suddenly, the drum was a wonderland of sounds and feels and movements.
What rose up out of me was definitely drum-circle worthy. I was REALLY jamming. It was so awesome.
Noble asked if we could go up to the playground and I explained that I was playing for the waves. Suddenly, a wave starts climbing up the sand toward us – probably 10 feet of recently-wet sand, and at least 15 feet of dry sand… and stops about 4 feet from us. I was in awe and almost leapt up and cheered. I silently thanked the ocean for the greeting, the acknowledgement that I was playing for her. I look down the beach as far as I can see and see that it only came up that high in about 3 spots.
Noble’s jaw has practically dropped. He takes the drum and starts drumming.
 |
| still drumming almost 20 minutes later |
He drums the tide in <3
Finally, he gets the sand-climbing wave he was waiting for :)) We decide to join Najaia in water play :))
 |
| digging for sand crabs |
 |
| running away from the wave |
 |
| Off on an adventure :) |

 |
| Cutest baby feet pic I have ever seen :)) You can see her little pink-with-black-spots toenails :) |
 Then we head back up to the RV with plans to walk out on the jedi (sp? — the rock entrance/exit to the harbor). After we get changed, the sound of seals “ar-ar-AR”ing draws the babies to the boat docks part of the harbor :))
 |
| The CUTEST cloth diaper EVER, special made for Najaia from her Auntie MB — it’s a purple tiedyed star! |

 |
| Kass joins us :)) |

 |
| Sisters <3 |
 |
| Doing what boys do <3 (or what my kids do LOL) |
 |
| Making her sister feel better <3 |
As it turns out, there were 4 seals sunbathing in the water :)) (and one playing and “ar-ar-AR”ing :))
I really wanted to get out on the jedi, and we had a birthday party to attend, so the time was a bit crunched. So, I talked the kids into going back to the RV with me to get ready for our hike out into the ocean :)) We ended up eating lunch (bread, bree, and apples — YUM!), and when we headed out of the RV, we ran into a dear friend who happened to be at the playground with her daughter! So, we stuck around with them for a little while.
Wow, she touched my heart by expressing how encouraging my journey (via facebook) has been for her recently. We hugged for a long time. It was just what I needed to seal up the beach visit. I showed her the inside of the RV (hahaha, in all it’s messiness!), and we said good bye. As I drove away, I felt the peace lingering. We stopped to dump our tanks and made new friends (full-timers of 10 years currently renting some horse-land property in Vista).
I love this life.
i. love. this. life.
Peace
During all the chaos, I had a few moments when we were driving by a gentleman sitting at the entrance of a shopping center collecting change, and we would make eye contact and he would throw up the peace sign, and everything inside me would rise up and resound, “Yeeeeessssssssss!!!!!!!”
Peace. Oneness. That is what this is all about.
I saw this same gentleman a handful of times – each one reminding me of the beautiful humanity of people. This man touched my soul and my journey in ways he never could have imagined. It was like an amazing photograph — in a pocket in this crazy world is the eye of the storm: the gentleman with the peace sign.
He reminded me of this graphic that I have loved so much for so many years:
So, Monday was the day I wrapped up our storage situation. My friend’s garage no longer holds anything that belongs to me, and the van (that we are still trying to sell) only has in it a folding table and chairs and 2 large hula hoops that we will probably strap to top of an economy car that we will buy when we sell the van :)) Yesterday, as I situated our stuff in a more permanent manner, I realized that we can comfortably live with what we own right now. Wow. That is amazing. It only took 1 1/2 months longer than I had anticipated LOL
Peace. Stuff peace. If the whole world went quiet and you sat down in the middle and meditated without interruption – THAT is the calm I feel from having stuff peace.
Ahhh, peace.
On, Tuesday, we were driving down to the beach, and I spotted a woman in a crowd waiting to cross the street with dreads that stuck up in all directions on her head. I couldn’t help but smile big to her, and she smiled back — an enthusiastic “That’s right” kind of smile :) And as she passed by us to cross the street, she held up 2 fingers to share a moment of global peace and oneness with me.
I almost died!!!!!!! The peace sign again. I haven’t seen so many peace signs (and from a delicious rainbow of folks) since the 60s — okay, I was in the womb in the 60s, but I can imagine :)
The beach was A.MAZ.ING. It was just what this wild zen tribe needed, just what this peace-seeking bohemian Pisces mama needed. And there, we found peace in the sand…
This trip to the beach rivaled the overnight campsite for soul nourishment. This is exactly why we gave up everything we owned and moved into an RV. Boondocking and staying in our old neighborhood were great for my tiny wallet, but staying in these spots made me remember why I want to flourish in self-sustainability! I want this to be my life. The inner peace that I find when we are parked somewhere where we can get out and explore overnight fills me up in ways I can only begin to explain. I want this to be my life.
Peace to you, Dearest Tribe <3
BEing in Nomads Land
In another life I was a stressed out mama of 3 children, a rapidly growing puppy, and 2 cats, with a big house to clean and care for and unlimited water, electricity, and internet. I had all the time in the world to sit on said internet, because I didn’t leave that big house very often. I am certainly a creature of comfort, and everything I wanted and loved and collected over time to enjoy was there. I often went months without being face-to-face with someone other than my children (or my brother who usually lived with us). I had social anxieties that were buried beneath a life inside my house and deep important friendships via the internet.
Then, I got this wild hair (maybe it was one of those sacred gray ones on my head that I wanted to proudly display to the world?), and I decided to sell everything I own and fix up an old RV (and I had 2 months to do it). Crazy, right? Yeahhhhhhh, that sounds like me :)
4 days after living in this RV, I didn’t remember the old life. The transition was often loud and sometimes painful and always flowing. I just went with it. I just kept the flow going. Out with the old, in with the new. I stayed mindful of the waves of processing that were happening as I let go of everything I had accumulated in my adulthood, everything that measured my adult success, everything that made me feel grounded and safe and secure in this world: 30-odd years of furniture, do-dads, and keepsakes (not to mention paperwork and crafting supplies!). It all just flowed out of my life, either through garage sales, Craigslist, free piles of stuff, theft, or whoever was around that liked something. It all went… Well, it is still leaving, actually. Until I will be whittled down to a mama with many warm bodies and stuffed nooks and crannies in a 24 ft (bumper to bumper) home on wheels.
Ahhhhh… Nomads land. I was made for this. The comforts of home with a changing view :) Radical minimalism. Life so simple you can’t hide from your issues and there is more than enough room for growth. Oh, was I made for this. So many moments where I was just in awe of the perfection of this life for us, where I have resonated with the alignment of this life for us. The transition was wild, and the moment we were in, it was zen. Not that it has been easy – none of it has been (even the stuff I thought would be easy), not that it has been crazy-free, but it has all been worth it. I love a bit of hard labor. I don’t mind working hard at the things I love.
I think I know why this radical revolution feels so different than some changes I have made in my life. This change was all about subtracting. Subtracting the excess, subtracting the stuff that doesn’t really really really matter. And now that I have subtracted SO.VERY.MUCH, I have infinite room to grow new things. I have some pretty big things I am growing, actually :)) More on that soon.
So, today, I am a less stressed out mama. I am also a mama with a cleaner home, who goes outside several times a day and knows almost everyone in my old neighborhood, a mama who has space to sort out and sit with those anxiety issues that used to get swept under the rug, a mama who is riding the waves of this experience and appreciating every dip, loop, and climb. This has been and continues to be a wild experience, and I am really loving living so much in the present that my plans only extend out a week or so :)))
I have missed blogging so very much, and I already think my blog is due another make-over (hahaha). This blog is like my internet lifering. And I love Facebook. But this is my space to dig deep and share broad…
If you have any questions, please ask in the comments section below. So much has changed, I wouldn’t even know where to begin describing all of it :)))
I love you!
The Amazing RV Renovation
 |
| I love the app I took this pic with, especially since it made this pic look old, so it could be my mom and her brand new RV! lol |
I have been having the most amazing time fixing up this RV for the last few days (yesterday ended up a day of park fun instead of work for the most part) :)) Words really cannot describe, but I would sure love to try!
So, first off, the easiest: I own it! I am allowed to do this! I can explore and experiment and pick and prod and PERSONALIZE to my living pleasure :))) I have this amazing vision in my head of it finished, and I love getting there!! Even better, I love the little detours that provide opportunities I hadn’t imagined, to personalize it :)) This is feeling more and more like home every minute! I am so in love with this RV! I was in love with it before, like a blank canvas to an artist, but I am painting now (literally!), and I am LOVING what is flowing through me! WOWSERS!
I am learning SO much about every detail of her as I paint and tinker around. I have watched videos of people who renovated their RVs or converted buses or whatever, and it is really awesome getting in here and doing my own! I really cannot believe how easy this is. I am definitely on ameteur status with tools, and I am amazed with my resourcefulness with a hammer, a screwgun, and a few screwdrivers :))) I was inspired by the guy who built an amazing hobbit-style house, with just a saw and a hammer. I can do this RV renovation with the limited tools I already own (except I will need a saw of some sort, and I will be very thankful that Lowes cuts wood I will need, with their powersaws, as long as I go in with the measurements :)))) I am learning about every inch of her as I paint and look around and notice things that aren’t working (or are) and want to know more about them. It’s kinda the epitome of unschooling going on over here :)))
And this is like climbing through a rabbit hole. I go to fix one thing that leads to another thing and then I find I can do this with that thing. Wow. I did a lot of reading and preparing, and now those things are starting to grow in my visions of spaces (like the kitchen, for example — thinking I might make a flow/living kitchen now since I am probably going to have to gut it anyway, because the storage is horrendous for living in!). I remember in one person’s videos about their RV renovation that they said there is always 1 surprise when renovating a used RV. I think I found mine :)) The night before last, I had a detailed list of what “needed” to be done, and today the list grew a bit unexpectedly, and I am THRILLED about that!!!! In fact, as things come up, I see more and more clearly how those things happened to allow me to even better suit this space for us. I can’t wait to show you all this gorgeous space that I see so clearly in my head and am seeing slowly manifesting into reality before my eyes. Renovating this RV is definitely an organic process. I am keeping lists, more for ideas of things to check later to see if I still want to do (and so I can share with you all what I have done and want to do, etc, and because it is fun! I love making lists), but I am renovating based on flowing through every inch of the RV and knowing my needs :))
I am trying really hard to make sure my kids feel like this is their home, too, that they get to help with what they want to help with :) It has been AWESOME to see Noble just jump in with some tools and start messing around with stuff, and Najaia, too :) And Kass has helped a bit and talked with me about ideas for spots :))) I have to be careful to keep their experience intact while quickly manifesting my own visions, too :)))
I’ve realized a comfy bed is priority number 1 right now.
 |
| The loft space (“before”) |
I LOVE sleeping in the RV. I love spending every moment in there :))) The first 3 nights, we slept in the RV, but the last 2 nights we have had to sleep in the house, because that unexpected surprise (mentioned earlier) involves the bed area up top, and I have to gut most of the space up there. Well, I have found that the house doesn’t feel like home anymore. It feels weird being in there. I just want to stay out here with my love!!!!!
This RV LOVES us <3 She is so happy to have us in here fixing her up <3 I truly feel like her name is Gypsy Goddess. She is quite the goddess, and I feel the goddess coming out of her as I peel away the outdated layers and lavish her with love and beauty — okay, maybe I’m projecting my own self-love! :)))
Everyone LOVES her! The neighbor kids can’t hang out enough (especially when they got to climb up into the loft), and the babies love climbing all over her and playing in her! The first thing Noble did when the Leapleys left after signing the paperwork was strip down naked :))))) He knew he was home <3 He tells everyone we see that we live in an RV, and he calls it “home” :))) He thinks of people in his life and asks me if we are going to drive to see them in our RV, and he says it is bigger or faster than every car he sees on the road :))) Even the cat loves it!! Sabastian has been in here all day and all night with us every day <3
 |
| Where we usually find him sleeping :)) (the loft) |
 |
| Posing for a picture — no, he just needed some attention when I was trying to shoot the cabinets :D |
 |
| He loves being in here so much, he even tolerates the baby playing with him while he sleeps <3 |
I am especially excited about the neighborhood kids coming over and hanging out and seeing me work on her, because they think it is so cool, and since we live in a poorer neighborhood, I feel like it makes it more of a reality for them to have one someday, too, if they wanted to :))
I wish I could take video of my progress, but the mic on my iPod is really bad (sounds really muffled), so you wouldn’t be able to hear me :(( I wish more people could have seen her “before”. I wish I had been able to take better “before” pictures so you could really see what all I have done :))) I’m BURSTING with pride with myself for what I have found myself to be capable of. Wow, me. So far, it’s been mostly construction type stuff, with a teensy touch of electrical.
I’ve so got this.
And let me just say that if you are local and want to come see what’s going on in here, please feel free to come check it out! It is so wonderful having company to come share this awesome journey with :))) That goes double if you own a shop vac or any other tools that may make this easier (like a saw LOL), and especially if you have any expertise you can share with me! :))) LOL
This RV was already so awesome when we got it. Like I keep telling the Leapley’s, I am so grateful for an RV in such great condition, so I can focus on all the fun stuff :)) Even though we have come across a couple little things that are more than just topical, how blessed are we that it is so minor! This RV came to us in a condition we could have vacationed in comfortably, and the reason I am renovating it (other than I just love the opportunity to) is because we are hoping to live in it for several years. I decided, instead of just “painting over” some issues, that I was going to get down to the root (or the wood or the aluminum siding, as the case may be) and build it back up, since this will be our home for a long time, and because I don’t want to have to do it later (and find the paint colors again and what not — I have my prioreties on straight! lol). I want to get it all in tip-top shape immediately, especially while we have a house and room to do all this now :)) It’s also a good opportunity to learn what we will need from the tools and bits of stuff that I have held onto (screws, wheels, etc), since I am doing everything now, so we don’t have to carry that stuff around if I won’t ever need it (or can get it later when we actually do need it). I am so grateful for the chance to learn and do, and more learning :)))
Alright, so here is my list of stuff that I have done.
- Spackled, taped, primered, and painted most of the interior (including places you don’t see much of, like under the dinette cushions);
- 
- painting also included removing the edges of the carpet, so I could paint down to the wood in prep for wood floors
- New knobs on the cubbard doors above the windows (haven’t done the kitchen, bathroom, and closets yet)
- All blinds out, and new curtain rods up (hoping the blinds fit my house ones that the dog completely annihilated in his anger at me about not being seperated right now)
- In the process of removing all red leather ( including the cab); I tried painting it white but realized it was paneling wrapped in foam and leather, so I took the foam and leather off and attached the paneling, waiting to be painted :)
- Removed paneling and (if needed) wood in upper bed area because of serious water/rot — removed 1 window because the wood was so rotted around it, it crumbled away
- Started to remove the carpet in the upper bed area before I realized that the wood under it by the window was black and water/rot damaged, so I have to take that whole thing out and rebuild a new one anyway
- Removed broken visor in driver’s spot and screws from paneling in the cab
- Shorted out the electrical (long story) and learned how to change a fuse :))))
 |
| you can see the contrast between the dark wood that was in the whole RV and the white paint I did |
 |
| My big helper :))))) |
All that in 3 days amongst keeping my children alive, fed, relatively clean, and recently prioritizing activities and nap time ;))
My next step is to check the other side of the bed area for water/rot because there seems to be *something* based on the exterior. Then, once the bed area around the windows is checked and properly gutted, I am going to work on taking the flooring out of the loft area (2x4s sandwiched between plywood as a heavy duty frame).
Right now, the bed pulls out to be a queen, but it had this cool sliding floor thing to make the bed smaller and the cab space below bigger, but we won’t need that or be able to use it, so I am building a whole new bed floor from scratch (and salvaged pieces that are in good condition). We are going to have a queen mattress on top and a foam mattress topper. We won’t be able to sit up in bed (because the bedding will be so high), but an uber comfy bed is worth it :)) There are plenty of other places to sit :)
After I get the bed all finished, I am going to install my beautiful brown leather couch and take out this one:
And then my next priority will be either reupholstering the drivers cab (seats, doors, floor carpet) and possibly putting in a new stereo (just need a radio and an iPod dock)
or gutting the kitchen.
The next step will probably be the bathroom.
 |
| Mural made of pebbles |
At that point, I would LOVE to hit the road for a week or so (a trial run, so to speak, to assess our needs better while we still have the house and our stuff to draw from) and then come back and finish the kitchen, renovate the closet space (it’s just a big giant open space)
and reupholster the cushions for the dinette (might actually do that on our trial run)
 |
| leather on one side and fabric on the other — which I will do, too :) |
Somewhere in there, I need to make a few more curtains and detail/paint the exterior (including a gorgeous mural my sister is going to do on the back!). Hopefully, I will have money for solar panels, and I will need to learn electrical basics and figure out my current electrical system and adjust it to be solar. I may need a new water pump and a bigger freshwater tank (currently 20 gallons — it should be a crime to put such a tiny tank in an RV that sleeps so many people!). I’m going to get new tires. I think I’m going to get a crash-course on the other appliances I’m not so sure about, so I can understand them better and take care of them better. I would like to learn how to change my own oil and other basics that I can do to pamper my beauty while she pampers us :)))
This is the feel I am going for in the whole RV :))))) I’m so excited about creating it :))
Ready
Wild horses couldn’t drag me from this life right now. I am water, and I am in my flow, and I cannot be stopped. Rocks may stand in my way, but slide right by without breaking my stride.
On Facebook I recently wrote, “I JUST WANT TO BURST OUT OF THIS F*CKING LIFE!!!!!!! I am so tired of the sandbags holding me down and holding me back from the greatness within me that wants to explode into my reality! I feel like cobwebs are sticking to me, and I’m about to go ninja on their butts! Gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwd!!!! Just get me the f*ck out of here already.”
Forgive the F-bombs — they seem to spill out of me in times of explosions :))
I want to talk about the bolded part, though.
I feel like this lifestyle is going to lighten my load in life. I am so super-simple, and having this house and all the responsibilities and limits that come with them stops me from putting that energy into living and experiencing.
Everyone prioritizes what they value. Some value having a house and lots of beautiful and useful things. When you don’t have those things to take up energy, what do you have? Well, I will be telling you in about a month :))
It seems that I will have a teeny little comfortable space that requires my energy, a space that is do-able and perfect for me, with lots of left-over energy for other things in my life. What I need lots of is closeness with my family and reflection time.
I am also anticipating having the energy to get more involved with community and events, since we can carry our home over and have it close-by when needed. Living to the extreme northwest of our county has meant lots of driving, if we want to do anything. Also, driving our home means that I don’t have to have the kids all ready to go and everything packed up before we head out the door to go somewhere — I am really looking forward to being punctual! LOL
Since our expenses will be so much less, it seems we will finally have the kind of income where we can enjoy places we previously couldn’t afford. I am very much looking forward to taking my kids to some wonderful and exciting places, as well as some peaceful and beautiful places. I want to give my kids the most of what I feel is important — family closeness, simple living, and an abundance of experiences :))
I have been reading blogs, talking with people, researching places to go, and making my own plans for about a year. I feel like I have been engaged for a year and tomorrow (when our RV is being delivered) is when I marry the road-life. I’m ready, and there is no turning back now.
It will be a month-long hand-fasting, where we will exchange vows of commitment in the form of financial, emotional, and time investment as I renovate the RV and learn about myself during the process of having free-reign over owning my own home. I am so excited about this upcoming experience. Tomorrow, we sign the papers <3
I’m so ready. I’ve only been waiting a couple weeks for this RV, but I’ve been waiting my whole life for this road life. Enough preparation, I’m ready to touch this life, ready to deal with the tangible stuff, ready to feel my dreams materializing.
And the best part is that this is just the first step in the whole journey ahead of us in life. Who KNOWS where this step may take us :) Who KNOWS where we may be in a year, in 3 years, in 10 years. OH, the universe is full of limitless possibilities!!!
I’m ready!
Radical Gardening
I have been doing some research the past few days on what I am calling radical gardening, which (for me) is a combination of permaculture (which is the only way I will roll), small space gardening, and all things gardening alternative.
After all this research my brain was kinda tied up in a knot with how to make this happen when we move into our RV in a few days. I have decided to take this one step at a time and adjust to living in the RV (and what kind of space we are looking at) before building a garden, but all this delicious information is going to percolate in my brain and grow in our lives :)) I’m very excited to share some of the cool information that I found! Enjoy the following delicious radical gardening buffet :)))
In January of this year, my friend, Kimra, first got me to thinking about alternative gardening spaces when she posted this blog post.
This is another fellow self-identified radical gardener, and so is she.
I am going to post a few links/pics to the stuff I want to combine somehow for us :))
 |
| using shoe holders! (my friend, Kimra, adds her own suggestion for this in her blog post above) |

 |
| gardening in reclaimed gutters |

 |
| I can see this one on almost any wall |


 |
| This has me thinking about towing a trailer garden |
**EEK! Jumping on to edit to add a few links I totally forgot about other alternative gardening ways:
Container Gardening: this is uber-helpful (what and when to plant), practically a one-shop-stop for planning to container garden, another AMAZING container garden link
Carrying the Torch
I come from a long line of wild women on my mom’s side of the family. For those who understand the significance of this, Kassidy is the 7th generation first-born daughter. Women roll powerfully in our maternal legacy. Let me tell you a bit about this legacy, as I was told…
My great great grandmother defied the traditional woman’s role of homemaker and did something outside the home that she was passionate about (politics? business? I can’t remember, but it was definitely viewed as a man’s world). She didn’t, however, pass on the baby-maker aspect, and had 8 children, who my great grandmother (who was the oldest) raised and cared for until they were old enough to care for themselves.
My great grandmother took the love of her life and her life on the road. She traveled for years with a man called Red (red hair), and they painted the sides of trucks for their next meals and their next destinations. It was said the family never knew when she was in town because she valued her freedom so fiercely. She, however, left her daughter (not from Red) at home to be raised by her siblings who she had dedicated her earlier life to raising.
My grandmother, it was told, would take off into the land behind their home with the dog (who was very protective of her), even as young as 2 years old. She grew up a wild child on wild land in Texas. Tragically she drowned in a river when she was only 18 years old (my mom was 6 months old, on the embankment when it happened). (I believe Najaia may be her reincarnation — Najaia is as free as I imagine my grandmother having been, even at such a young age)
***Edit — I found out that my grandmother travelled with my great grandmother for many years, until the family felt it was a problem that she wasn’t getting consistency, and so she went to live with the siblings when she was older.**
My mother is the only generation I actually got to experience first-hand. She was a wild woman through and through. She was a total hippie, a definite gypsy (even before we lived on the road in my teens for 3 years, we moved at least once a year across 3 different states), an empowered and empowering woman, an attached mama only following her heart with little-to-no support from family. I was raised Pagan by a single mom before it was cool or common :)) Still, my mom reminds me daily that there is nothing to fear with growing older — she has her own Harley (sometimes riding topless LOL), she goes on travels and adventures with her newest love by land and by sea, has a zen garden and an impressive vegetable garden, and she is not afraid to question traditional styles of thinking or living. My mom just ROCKS!
Insert me. I feel like I pale in comparison LOL Granted, I have a few years and at least a couple crazy decisions to live through before it would be fair to compare :))) I am not really creating a legacy. I’m just carrying the torch.
I am proud to live so authentically for my children, to pass the torch on to them :)) I already, definitely, see my kids continuing this legacy. We are definitely a wild tribe :)
I feel like I am cutting this post short, but my oldest has been waiting patiently for my computer, and, really, this blog is kinda the testament to the newest chapters of this family legacy. Living on the road is going to be just amazing, on so many levels. My friend, Cindy Leapley (who is passing their RV on to us), keeps telling me that I was made for this life. I really really was.
The Rig
Alright, so some of you have been following this blog long enough to hear me say that I want the RV we get to have the same floorplan as the RV of our friends, the Leapley’s. Cindy and Steve have been wondering since they bought it last year if it was going to be big enough for their family of 7, and we have talked on more than one occasion about me buying it from them. It just hasn’t worked out that way, which has been perfect for both of us at the times :))
My friends left May 1st for their adventure. They planned for a vacation, not a permanent home, a soul journey of sorts to do some healing and living before coming home to plant some roots. They planned to be back in August for a wedding and were ready to pass their RV off to us at that point, because they wouldn’t need it anymore, especially since they have learned that it REALLY is too small for their easy comfort. Since I want to be out of here before August (my lease is up August 1st), I kept this as my back-up plan, still searching and being open to how we were going to get some destined RV much sooner.
For the past few weeks, I have been feeling like I need to be in an RV immediately. Not the average, “I am ready”, but “I was ready long ago, and now this is unbearable.” I want the RV in front of my house already, so I can move in the stuff I want to keep and see very clearly what is left, so I know what to do with it. Right now, it all feels overwhelming, like the time between now and August 1st feels so far that it is hopeless to start too early, mixed with knowing I can’t ever start too soon, because I don’t want to be rushing around at the last minute. That push-and-pull is what made me sick, and the anxiety is what caused all the tension headache I had for 3 days.
So, this morning, my friends, the Leapleys, called to tell me that something completely unexpected and important (a different sister’s wedding set here in July) has come up to interrupt their plans, and they are actually bringing the RV back next week and picking up their van for the rest of the trip (so they can move faster and cheaper and be back sooner). So, we are getting their RV next week.
Lemme just say that again. We are getting our RV next week. EEEEEEK!
This RV is perfect on so many levels!!!
- It is called a Travelcraft — have you SEEN the name of my blog? Our Wildcrafted Life
- It has the floor plan that I was determined to have (with the extra seats already removed!).
- It has half the miles of the Jamboree that I wanted from a dealership.
- My friends have worked out most of the kinks over the last few months (and especially living in for a couple weeks now).
- It is already filled with the wonderful and loving energy of this AMAZING family <3
- It is like a quarter of the price of the Jamboree I was wanting!!!!!!
- But the best part, again: it will be here next week!!!!!!!!
Lemme show you a pic of a DIFFERENT Travelcraft. I don’t have a pic of our’s, but it looks kinda like this one (different colors, maybe a different year):
I know, it’s older than the Jamboree and has aluminum siding, but I can’t beat the price and the rest of the perfectness, so there ya go :))
I am SO glad that getting an RV finally caught up with me being ready to be in one already :)) I love when the universe unfolds to remind me that my pace is right and that it is okay to trust that it will all end up working out how I want it to, because it always does <3
Okay, Dreads; Trade-offs; & a Soul Journey
I loooooooove dreads. Ja’s dreads were, I am shameless to admit, one of the biggest reasons I initially gave him the time of day (or night, as it were). Noble’s dreads are one of my top 10 favorite things in the whole world. I’ve considered dreads for myself, but keep finding that I love my wild curls even better.
I always imagined having my dread-head son and my curly girly, and it seemed meant to be, as her curls are bigger and silky soft. One problem: she hates getting her hair brushed. She yells “No!” and runs down the hall and out of the house if I even try. It’s a bit easier in the shower, when I can soak her hair in conditioner while I comb/brush, easy distract her, move slowly and mindfully, and do a lot of “emotional damage control” in a small confined space.
Well, it’s been over a week since we brushed her hair, with everyone being sick. And today I realized that I understood why my stepmom just chopped all of our (her own, my older sister who is half Black, and myself) curls off to about an inch or 2 long. This is so much work, and it’s losing it’s meaning for all of us. As I brushed and imagined life in an RV, I released my attachments and submitted to “Okay, dreads.” WHOOSH! Sudden alignment.
This is going to be a win-win all over the place! She won’t have to get her hair brushed, the upkeep is minimal and requires a lot less stuff in the RV, less water it will need (which is a big deal in an RV that plans to live unplugged), and an added bonus — it will be fun to see it grow long instead of out :))) Not that I don’t love me an afro (have you seen my hair?).
Speaking of, I have decided now is the time to start using baking soda and apple cider vinegar for my hair instead of shampoo and conditioner. If I start now, it will give me about 2 1/2 months for my hair to adjust and transition, so it will be easy when we are on the road :)) Also, I am open to a dread/curls combo for my hair. We shall see with time :)))
A trade off….. I’ve enjoyed looking at ways to trade-off stuff/space with experiences. I mean, that’s kind of the main goal of this adventure in the first place. I was thinking of leaving my foot care stuff and getting a pedicure with Kass once a month-ish! I’m hoping it will be some great me & Kass time. It will mean less stuff in the RV, which is always nice. And mostly, we and our feet deserve the pampering – the scrubbing, the detail work, the massage. Oh, the massage *melt* That got me to thinking what a wonderful benefit regular massage and chiropractic alignment would be for Kass and I as we realign our bodies and lives with healthiness and slow intentional living. Another way to align our life :)))
Speaking of healing, soul journey….. I kept thinking this was going to be a spiritual journey, but I am realizing this is going to be much more of a soul journey, tempered with a bit of spiritualness :)) I have known all along that this was going to be a journey of self and that it would require solitude, maybe in large doses. I thought I could find that “self” in snippets during days and in between visits. I thought I could eek by for the first couple visits and nab it in a larger quantity later in the journey, so we could hurry and get on the road and get out of familiar territory and not miss anyone during our far-shot trajectory.
At this point in my preparation for finding a deeper level of self and connecting with beloveds, it is becoming more and more clear to me that we need to take some serious time to ourselves before we descend upon anyone :))
We need time to detox from this “junk food” life, we need to adjust to being unplugged, and we need to do some healing and connection with ourselves and each other before we can really do a visit with you justice. Right now, I’m a little insecure about visits. I’m insecure about some bits of myself that are out of alignment or underdeveloped, and I’m insecure about my wild bunch. Not to say that you wouldn’t love us in our imperfections or be fine with our wildness, but I don’t want to compound those insecurities with the anxiety I would feel if I was insecure. I want to feel confident and comfortable, and I want to feel like we are healthy and well-adjusted. We all have some healing and adjusting to do before we start connecting with our tribe <3
This is what I currently think the first couple steps of our journey will look like:
I think our first stop will be a reasonably-priced campground with gorgeous, natural, and quiet grounds to do the initial detox and adjustment, to work out the kinks close to familiarity. The plan is to have no Internet, extreme minimal technology, maybe no phone even, to spend about a month or two indulging in nature, immersing ourselves in the simplest family living, and some serious alignment. I am saying a month or two, but I really have no idea how long it will take to feel ready — could be much less, could be even longer?
Once we are all ready to move on and get out on the road, our road freedom will begin. I have clue where we will start heading, because it will depend on the season, our budget, our priorities, and our newfound internal compass’ direction.
There is a certain internal nourishment that comes with making all these plans. It’s as if realizing what we need most kinda heals that part inside us, so we are open to the next priority in our journey. It started with wanting to take life one step at a time, then wanting to race around and see everyone, then it was about spending depth with each person, and now it is finding our inner alignment first. It’s exciting to see what may come up next! I hope you don’t mind being strung along on this internal journey <3 What I do know is that when we pull up to your house, we will all be better for it :)))
Why We Need Our Own Comfy Space
Some of you have been so kind to offer your homes to us when we pull through. Aww, such kindness, such innocence. You wouldn’t believe what you were getting yourself into, and I prefer to keep friends loved ones and some sort of happiness with my kids that is not based on expecting or forcing them to be less “all of them” than they are.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how convenient it would be if we really could have just travelled in our van towing a pop-up trailer — oh, the gas-saving fantasies I have! And then I open my eyes in my reality and realize why we need something bigger.
Lemme share a few fun reasons why, no, really, we need our own comfy space:
- my babies live naked
- you have yet to see my hair or my attire in the morning before I have groomed
- we have a large dog who sleeps in bed with us at night
- we are a family of 4 radical unschoolers — have you any clue what that looks like on any given day?
- I am known to sleep topless at night
And some more serious reasons (no, those were not serious reasons LOL)
- we are going to be doing this for a long time, and having a HOME on wheels that we can safely crawl back into is part of the “this IS a healthy and responsible way of raising children” bit for me right now :)
- our home will be set up for comfort, so your guest bed won’t necessarily be more comfy than our bed — in fact, I am determined to have the comfiest bed possible!
Now, having said that, there are a few things I look forward to at your house:
- a long hot shower
- maybe washing a couple loads of laundry
- mostly, just being with you during peek hours and retreating to our den when it feels right :))
I am very excited to learn as I go, about visiting people. We will be like temporary neighbors :))) That’s the best part about living a nomadic lifestyle: everyone is our neighbor, especially at one point or another :)
Now, having just written that, I am realizing, you all are prepared for my kids and I, but my fur-son, Kai, is kinda glued to the hip (and when he isn’t, he is digging holes and chewing things up, so he really needs to be glued to our hip). I have already learned about the necessary camping and site-seeing adjustments/alternatives that is going to require (especially since he is a big dog). How do YOU think that is going to impact our visit? Feel free to think on it and get back to me ;)
Current Plans
Hello, beloved one <3
So, the path of life keeps shifting before us — it’s so exciting!!!! But it sure makes it hard to pin things down for other’s :)) The only guarantee that I can give you is “I will be there when you see the whites of my eyes, but I will be there.”
A couple things seem to have changed in the plans I shared before, and I wanted to share what those will be. Firstly, we most likely will not be keeping the house. We will probably be travelling by RV. We will probably be leaving in July (no later than August 1st — the last day of my lease). We will probably be doing the 4 corners the opposite direction I had originally planned. We will be moving slower (gas prices and RV gas mileage — yikes!).
I may take a quick trip in the van up to San Fransisco and Oregon, and swing down through Colorado for 4th of July (fireworks are illegal in California) to party with some loved ones, before coming home to sell the van, buy the RV, and get out of this house.
I will be stopping along the way everywhere we know someone. I don’t want to miss anyone.
So, now the dates are a little wierd. I am thinking, if we are going through Texas in September, we may have to go to the Rethinking Everything Conference. I need to really sit with that and decide if this is do-able, so I can let other’s know, in case they want to join us.
We have a month or 2 to poke around Texas and Louisiana.
We hope to be in Florida when winter comes, so we can play snowbirds this year :))
Once it starts warming up, we will head north toward Maine, visiting family and friends along the way.
Then head west (down into the Ohio area), where we can spend far more than a week with each loved one, if we want to :))
Then across to Kansas and into Colorado, and either to Washington and then down, or straight back into California — our next trip will probably be up to Alaska, and we can head back up through the San Fran and Oregon areas then. The end of the trip is always the hardest to plan, because it is so far from where we are now, and it is so close to our next trip, that we never know the last few stops. But, I think you get the point of the current plan.
I won’t know what we are travelling in, until we have purchased it and are living in it. I won’t know when we will be somewhere until we are leaving the stop before. But I do know that each of you mean so much to me, and I look forward to being able to visit you unhurried. I will get there, I promise <3
I have one other bombshell to drop on you all. I probably will not get a cell phone for the trip (other than an emergency prepaid phone). I think I am just going to get internet (especially since I can text from my ipod with it). I will see — it’s another thing I really have to think about :))
I look forward to some uninterrupted solitude, to sort out some inside reflection stuff. Just me, one book at a time, my journal, and an array of marker/pens to get creative. Some comfy spots with a beautiful view. Some whole foods. A heart and a mind full of infinite creativity and brilliance :)
I look forward to the weightlessness of living nomadically. I look forward to letting go of obligations and meaninglessness. I don’t know how impressed my little ones are going to be with traveling, except to play with new friends and see cool new spots in nature to explore. I’m looking forward to living that simply :)) I want to type a blog post under a tree with a view, or explore a riverbank for hours on end, slide down sanddunes on a snow disk, have a picnic by a waterfall. I want my world to revolve around who to visit and what to see and explore in the next moment (I just had a Freudian slip — I typed oment: OMent) :))
I look forward to being free of these walls and all this stuff :)) I can say that now without feeling a weight in my gut — I decided I’m not tied to it, so I can find contentment in the dis-ease I was feeling about all of it before. I may be looking at a painted wall, but this is what my spirit sees:
I’ve Gotte Be Me
Me serenading all of us with a song that has been the soundtrack of my heart for the last couple days :)) In all my wonderful imperfections :))))) A gift of vulnerable perfection for you :))
I just love how I got stagefright and forgot the lyrics in the beginning LOL And how my voice sounded like crap because I am still sick! I love especially that I didn’t care about any of that and made the video anyway :)))) And that I still shared it even after watching it LOL Here is to putting oneself out there :)))
Wild Sacred Soul 