A space to find deep nourishment and expansive joy

snapshot of our life

The Home Tour :)))

Okay, so, yes. It took this many months to get things straightened out enough that I feel ready to share pics! I still have work to do (like in the bed area, hence the not-so-many pics LOL).

**edit: Here is an old post with “before” pics :)

Anyone who has ever tried to take pics of such a tight space knows that these barely do it justice LOL I also realized I missed a few pics entirely that I hope to come back soon and add :) The feel I was going for was cozy, beautiful, kid-friendly, self-crafted, vibrantly colored, where everyone has their own little spot to call their own, with plenty of togetherness :)) I love this simple, blissful life :D

From my home to your’s <3

Looking toward the front of the RV

Some of the rennovations I did that you can see from this pic are painted the walls white, ripped out the bent-frame couch and put in my own couch from the house (which fit to the inch!!), put in the cat climber for the cats (that doubles as a ladder to get up to the bed), took out the blinds and installed homemade curtains (the colorful one you see is my sun curtain — made 2 winters ago to welcome the sun back and bring warmth and sunshine to our home), and put dry erase board on the fridge front :))

In the loft, I found dry rotted wood that I could poke my finger through (!!) and tons of mold! So, I had to rip out all the wood down to the aluminum siding, and frame and rebuild the walls. HUGE HUGE project that almost did me in! It is still very unfinished, but safe, at least :D We put a queen size mattress up there, and we all sleep sideways with our feet hanging off the end LOL

The living room area :)

A better view :)) It is incredibly spacious! People are always amazed. I love this floorplan!

LOVE our hardwood floors!

We ripped out the red shag carpet (gag!) and put in hardwood flooring that I found for free on Craigslist, from a guy who was renovating his house and wanted this stuff gone. Still need to sand, stain, and lacquer, but I love it so so much :))) It makes cleaning SO much easier, and no bulky vaccuum to store, either!

The couch, complete with homemade pillows :)))

Where we usually have our TV and game systems set up :))

This table was bought as a garage sale by one of my dearest friends. It was so perfect that I bought it from her and Kass used it in her room (we have the carvings of K+K with a heart around it to prove it!). In the RV, my fabulous neighbor built and painted drawers to fit the slots, and it started out as the kids’ play table with all their toys. Currently, it holds various home stuff (electronics, gaming stuff, board games, candles, ipod dock, etc). Next to it, you can see we have one of those clothing type hooks that go over a door, hooked onto the back of the dinette and holding our backpacks and hats and such.

The dinette area that doubles as a twin bed for company :)

The dinette cushions still need to be recovered, but they have fabric covering them for now :)) This is such a useful and cozy nook :) The star hanging down from the cubbards above holds a tea light candle :))

Kitchen shot #1

In the kitchen, I tore out the teeeeeensy original sink and put in a full sized sink that someone ditched by the dumpsters behind my old house (YAY!), gutted under the sink and made some cubbard doors to keep all my carefully arranged kitchen stuff inside, painted the back wall plum with raised spirals to take the focus off the horendous condition of the wood, and shifted some cubbard fronts around since the cubbard above the sink used to hold a microwave.

From the side

And the other side :)))

Those were the only magnets I saved out of gobs of ones Kassidy used to make at daycare <3 They are my favorites :D

The bathroom

Don’t even know where to start in explaining to bathroom! Okay, I took a jigsaw to the door frame to widen it a bit (we are using a curtain as a door for now, until I build and install some saloon doors out of the same wood as my flooring and cubbard doors — yeah!), ripped off the black moldy wood walls and installed water-friendly walls (expensive!!) after taking the back wall down to the aluminum siding again and rebuilding due to more dry rot, tore out the bulk of the water-damaged sink tops and built a shelf on the back wall for holding stuff, (not pictured above the window) is a repurposed wood shelf/cubby for holding toothbrushes, etc., and painted like crazy in there!! We currently have our shoe basket in there, after finding spiders hiding under it when it was outside… We use the tub as a laundry hamper, since we can’t really use it until we stay somewhere with full hookups :))

Dreamy spots we can create :)))

The kids’ playroom :)

The add-a-room!!!! OMGosh, what a LIFESAVER!! It not only quadrooples our square footage, but it is so cool and peaceful in there. All the kids’ toys are in that giant wicker trunk, and the kids have lots of outdoor stuff. All of this stacks neatly on that table inside when we are between campsites :))

A shady spot under a tree with a great view :)

Kass’ favorite spot in the house :)

This is Kass’ little nook :D Sometimes she sleeps in it with an electric heater to stay warm :)) It stores in the van when we are between campsites, or up on the bed if the van is indisposed :))

Home sweet home :))

Ahhhhh, Bliss.

So, we opted for a different setup than mentioned in my last post. That site was not beautiful, and I really needed some wild green open space in my life. So, we picked a different campground. Here are a few snapshots of our month. Just what this soul needed <3

Camp is set up :)

The view from our first site…

How I set up the add-a-room :)

The lake with ducks, and magic baby connection <3

Horses on the trails :)

Undisturbed teen time :))

Miles of nature trails = LOTS of adventures :)

A playground :)

Wild animals

Fun with fellow campers

Company with some of our favorite people :)

More of our favorite people :)
Mamas who mother the way I do <3

Magic baby connection and plenty to explore together :)
Peace

Zen

Joy

Ready, Set…

Next week we stay at our first monthly campsite. I am bursting with excitement for personal and professional reasons!!!

Firstly, we are hoping to get into a site that is in our favorite town, so we will have easy access to all our favorite places to go and things to do :)) The only hang-up is that they don’t usually take RVs as old as our’s, so I have to bring pics and cross my fingers that we pass the “attractive enough” test… I think we can do that :)) If they are fine, we are IN! If not, we will go to a campground that is much farther away — either way, I AM going to stay in one place for a whole month (hopefully more than just 1! lol).

Secondly, I am itching to dive back into the unschooling community here and possibly start a co-op, to free up some time for me and other parents to do what needs to be done without sacrificing that unschool flavor for our kids’ days and lifestyles. More on this later, as I start building a tribe locally.

And thirdly, this will finally give me the security and groundedness to dig down into my businesshood and get things growing. I have so many ideas and support :)) I am going to be re-vamping my site here to promote and support this new direction. I’m really excited about what that means :)

I took some time to ask what my expertise was, what I had to offer the world. I thought about the bazillion hours I have spend in the last 5 years of transforming my own life, and realized that what I have to offer is helping families concerning gentle parenting, unschooling, unpacking birth fears, and catapulting into personal free living. I can also toss in my credentials: a BA in psychology topped off with some formal child development certificates, and then there is 4 years of unschooling my children as well as having been unschooled myself during high school years, SO FREAKIN MANY hours of heavy research and deep reflection on the before-mentioned topics, an unassisted birth with my youngest, and 13 years of amazing relationships with my children through thick and thin, only child and multiples, consensual parenting and single parenting :)) Wow, I have done a lot!

So, I plan to be jumping right in and getting stuff going as soon as I am settled down in our new home-spot. I want to provide phone consultations/coaching for families who need specialized help in one area or another, parenting classes online and locally in person, e-books, videos, and whatever other mediums I can think of to share everything that is bursting forth! My prices will start off SUPER reasonable, as I practice and learn and get all organized and such. So, if you have been interested in looking into some coaching but couldn’t afford it (I know, unschoolers are usually 1-income families), this might be a great opportunity for you (or a gift for a friend).

April is the month!!! Growing good stuff this Spring :D


Photo found here




The Prodigal Woman

I know it has been a while since I have posted on here. I will be honest, I haven’t been feeling very insightful recently. The weird part is that I have been proud of myself for living more aligned with my values of love and peace through adversity than ever. But stress and some other things that feel “unaligned” seem to monopolize that place where insight used to grow and want to be shared from.

We have been just BEing recently. It has been free-ing, but I feel kinda unproductive. I had such big dreams for this RV-journey that we were going to embark upon. Now I feel like I am spinning my wheels (very slowly, even) in mud. I am trying to dream, to stay focused on my dreams. I think I used up all my motivation and inspiration LOL Now, I am replenishing? Who knows…

So, our plans at this point are to comandeer some land (LOL) and start building and growing a life. I need some stillness. I miss the comfort that comes with being in the same space over and over and over and over. I want to lay in one spot in the sun on the grass for about a month, I think LOL

I am ready for a small beautiful home nestled on big green faery land not too far from the beach, to build things and grow things, to live sustainably, to richly unschool my children, to create a face Tribe, to run my own business, to have the freedom to spontaneously travel, to love a partner and build together a wildly blissful life and family, with lots and lots and lots of stolen romance.

A place for building big dreams, treehouses, a big swing, animal habitats, playhouses, pillow forts, fairy gardens, labrynths, coy ponds, and anything else I can find on the internet to inspire me :)

I have sure come full circle. I wanted to get out of my house because I was feeling restless about just laying around browsing the internet at my will, feeling over-full on inspiration and needing experiences to live them. Now, I am reallllllly looking forward to just laying around browsing the internet at my will, feeling over-full on inspiration LOL

I am grateful for the journeys I have taken, even if they all end up leading right back to home. I guess that makes me a bit of an adventurer LOL I feel like the prodigal woman :)) And I have a whole new appreciation for it all. I love the life I have lived, the many adventures (often contrasting) that I have undertaken, and what meaning it all brings to my present. I love how thinking about it reminds me of the powerful manifestor that I am. I have really done a lot of things! I have felt so passionately about so much in my life — what a blessed life to have lived. Not that it is over. No, not at all :)))

I think I am learning to not take it all so seriously. I used to be such an extremist, like something I was going to do or was into was radically completely amazingly transforming everything in my life from the bottom up. Okay, so maybe it did. Maybe it’s just more normalized for me to radically change everything from the ground up now? Well, whatever it is, I feel less attached to the permanence I once felt about the whole thing.

I was afraid to grow on land, the way I want to now. I was afraid to invest in something that would ultimately be impermanent. But I have learned that I can beautify the world, even if I don’t stay with that spot forever. And I have learned that I will find another amazing wild chapter to pursue once this land chapter has died off in my heart. I don’t have to be afraid of something being amazing, or of something ending or being gone. I will keep on trekin’.


Amazon Warrior Monk Rockstar

I shaved my head to release my attachment to my hair and my attachment to my idea of beauty. I thought it was going to be a lesson in embracing the ugly. I knew it would humble and “right” me in ways I could not even know yet.

I shaved my head as a symbolic piece to a cleansing formula of my life. I released who I was to find out who I am. I let go of the old and opened up to the new. I could feel my head opening up to the universe, pouring in enlightenment and Oneness.

I felt strong, like an Amazon Warrior, and I quickly took to resonating with the title Amazon warrior monk.

I wasn’t expecting to feel more radiant and sexy than I remembered ever feeling before. I felt so fresh, so alive, so free. Just wow.

And now a new chapter of this shaved head experience is emerging… I went out to a club with a few GORGEOUS friends a couple weeks ago. I kept feeling the pull to go to a club and experience some place that is so “superficial” while aligned deeply with my unattachment to my hair and my old beauty ideal. The most surprising thing happened! I haven’t had so much attention and guys buying my drinks and so much FUN since I was 60 pounds lighter with blond curls down to my butt. I was a show-stopper! Wowsers!!! Suddenly, my shaved head was the “new emerging hair style that few could pull off but I did so well”. Whoodathunk! So now I feel kinda like a rockstar, and I have taken to accentuating my eyes, since they POP with a shaved head :)
Everywhere I go, people rave about my shaved head. I didn’t think I was going into this as “my new hairstyle” — it was just an experience, and I was ready to get quick about growing my curls back out before I’d even shaved my head. But now, I am really feeling ROCKING this shaved head.
I feel bold and powerful. I know this was “supposed” to be the year of aligning with my “right” in preparation of stepping into my power. But “rightness” was so short-lived, and boldness seems to be my pathway to powerful. Rightness, as it turns out, didn’t need to be done (like cleaning the house), but something I live, like stretching for a long walk. And I am suddenly feeling READY to be powerful.
I am learning more and more that my fears are usually just not being ready, they are sort of excuses for my gut feeling of not being ready for something. I love sinking into that readiness (or not-readiness, as the case may be) and living life a bit and seeing how it automatically corrects itself over a bazillion little moments between my acknowledgement that I am not ready and that moment when I realize “oh yeah, baby, here we go!”
Maybe without my hair, I move free-er and so am ready sooner? LOL I don’t know. But I am so ready. I am ready to manifest this power and channel some AMAZINGNESS in this upcoming year. I am bold. I am powerful. I am not a watered down version of me. I am not shy. I am an Amazon warrior monk rockstar… women-circling tribe-creating goddess guru. Oh yes, this is me :) Trailblazer. Firestarter.
p.s. – my wardrobe has become more bright and brilliant, too. Pics to come :))

p.s.s. – I wrote this for Tara’s blog:

It was perfect, a part of the deep cleansing I was doing, a way to take what was inside and wear it outside, a symbol of new transformation in my life. I thought it was going to be a lesson in embracing my ugly – I wasn’t expecting to feel so radiant and sexy! I have bounds of clarity, especially in what is “other people’s stuff” and what’s mine (like how some people can see my beauty, some feel shaving my head is weird, and some people were way more attached to my curls than even I was). Sometimes I feel like a monk ripe with readiness for enlightenment, and sometimes I feel like a gypsy goddess extraordinaire. One thing is for sure, this is the mark of a new beginning for me. I feel reborn. I have been making some serious space in my life over the past few months, and I look forward to growing with my hair and appreciating it all in new ways. My curls are not what make me beautiful – I am.


Laid to Rest



I wish a picture could capture and words describe what this feels like for me: plush green grass to stretch out on and my grandma’s handmade quilt liberated from a box to live in nature and participate in memory-making again ♥

 I posted this picture and caption on Facebook 4 days before. This quilt, the fact that my grandmother made it with her hands, and I was giving it a new life… It has all been very profound to me on this journey. Almost every day I spread it in the grass and lay on it, and the bright colors in contrast to the grass, and the comfort it provides — they have been one of the highlights of the journey so far.

I posted this picture on Facebook 4 days before my grandmother passed away. I did not know my grandmother very well. I heard she was a firecracker all her life, and I know she had a lot of healing to do, which made her absent most of my life (until I was an adult). I spent very little time with her, and most recently, it was very difficult, as her beginning stages of dementia made what I thought would be an amazing intergenerational experience a sad and frustrating visit. She died thinking I didn’t like her. Now it is too late to tell her that she just stirred me in uncomfortable personal ways, places that I wasn’t ready to grow yet.

Because I didn’t have a lot of memories with her, my first initial reaction was that I have now lost the last of a whole generation in my life. What a big open space that just created.

Because I didn’t have a lot of memories with her, I am saddest for the stories that have been silenced and never told. Her stories. Her family’s stories, that I will never know now. I am sad for the memories that could have been made.

This has all been laid to rest.

And today, on this quilt, I lay to rest, during the most alive and thriving time of my life. And this quilt, made by the hands of my grandmother, is an integral part of this experience and adventure.

I honor her by living with this quilt.

I honor her by taking the time to stretch and grow in the ways I wasn’t ready to before.

Maybe I will do it while laying on her quilt, wrapped in her love, knowing she is still around, if not in the physical. And she is with me to still process all this stuff.

Be in peace, Grandma Sylvia <3


Buena Vista Park Hike

Today was another day of adventure :)) I love taking off to explore somewhere, not knowing what may be ahead, and with all the time in the world to go as slow as we want to allow for the depth and the unexpected, called learning :)

We started off with some duck feeding and lake poking :)

Then the group pictures…

And a few individual pics that are too perfect to not share :))

Okay, this one is from yesterday, but it was too good to not share right now :))

This was from yesterday, too LOL

My darling baby today!

After the picture taking session had ended and my cell phone battery was dead, we grabbed the digital camera and started our adventure :))

We found…

this amazing giant tree!



The kids practiced beginning science…



… and I swelled in awe of the sacred feminine in nature <3

Then…

we found a tree with loooooow branches :))
for Jaja to practice crawling on

And then we found…

a log bridge :))

where Jaja did a happy dance the first time she crossed it alone :))

and then felt courageous enough to race across it!

(so cute while she balances)

and Noble walked across it like the crabs we saw at the beach the other day
Then Jaja decided to plop down in the dirt on the trail and draw some spirals in the sand (she is SO my baby)

Noble had to get in on that :D

Practicing his “b”s for Noble :))

Oh, and THEN…

we found the most awesome natural climbing structure EVER (so far in this outdoor adventure)

and it reinforced a feeling of ability and self-confidence for Noble

He is just so proud of himself <3

and the baby just chugs right along after him :)))

Then we saw

a quaint little bridge overlooking some water with sticks — I mean SNAKES in it (well, Noble swore they were snakes LOL)

Jaja needed a better look :))

And then she needed to be carried, so I didn’t get any more pics. Another thing I didn’t get pics of was when we strayed from the big trail down into a path through the trees. I couldn’t help it, my curiosity got the best of me, and I am so glad we did. Even though I ended up walking through a spiderweb and ending up with a spider crawling down my back, it was really an adventure! Off the beaten path, being trailblazers! It brought me immediately back to my youth of playing in canyons and places just like this (maybe the smell of the same kinds of trees played a part in that, too!). It was wonderful to see some beautiful sites and explore some options (for a day when I wasn’t in flip-flops) for more adventure.

The wide range of learning really amazed me. Just on that hike, the babies learned math (counting sticks they found, growing in awareness of how time), social studies (having a sense of where we were on a “u” shaped path), science (differentiating between the kinds of birds we saw — ducks, geese, and another –, picking at plants, talking about different reasons why things were how they were or how they may have gotten that way, observing living things in their natural habitat), motor skills (dancing, running, climbing, writing/drawing, walking), social skills (interacting with fellow hikers and each other, taking turns, helping each other), literacy (we read the signs together that we saw, drew letters in the dirt, and noticed branches that looked like letters), art (drawing in the dirt, recognizing contrasting colors in the plants), and we played the “senses game” where we close our eyes and talk about what we hear, what we smell, what we feel, etc. They got to exercise their imagination muscles with stories about wild animals in the area, and make plans for the future (a couple good picnic areas for future hikes).

Oh yes, this was a fulfilling day, as an unschooling family, as mama in love with her babies, and as a nomad living for experiences that nourish the soul and sweep away the gunk :))


The Path of the Jetty

The kids and I had an adventure yesterday. I have heard people talk about walking labrynths, about how they are symbolic of life. That is how this was for me. It was certainly an opportunity to work through some stuff.
I love that we did it barefoot.
I love that the babies did what they were comfortable with. And I love that that meant Noble did the whole thing himself (leaping from rock to rock saying he was sticking like Spiderman) and that Najaia about 98% of it herself or holding my hand (with her free hand — the other hand held her treasure, a feather :)), until she got too tired and wanted to be held.

I love that I got to explore my fear of falling — it’s roots possibly from my mom’s fear of heights/falling and her fears scaring me, the reality of me actually falling, when/how different spots felt, and how being a big mama confirms my fears (like an added fear that equipment will fail because of my size).
I love that when I was working on overcoming my fear of falling, I had a giant 2-year-old on my side or back to further test/challenge/push my sense of balance.
I loved going so far (almost to the end) and knowing we had done it.
I loved stopping when I knew it was time, not pushing myself to finish or feeling any less accomplished for not going all the way to the end :))



Our view of the beach from our spot on the jetty :))
I loved sitting at the end with my baby (who calls herself Jaja, and so now so do I :)) while she sorted out her frustrations about me not holding her (Kassidy’s friend held her) while I was trying to get the perfect picture of Noble leaping from one rock to the other. 
That was awesome.
I loved finding my way :))
When I see this picture, may I always remember how empowered I felt that day…
I loved the close-up focus on the path, constantly scanning the rocks to see where my next step would be, and then sometimes stepping back and looking at the bigger picture to find the best path — such life symbolism!
I love that the waves sometimes landed hard on the rocks and threw a spray up into the air or onto us, and it would distract me, so I would have to stop, enjoy the spray, and then refocus on my internal balance and path.
I love that I was getting better and better at it, and will be even better in the future.
Living and learning in layers on the jetty.

Peace in the Sand

I am still soaking in the soul nourishment from our overnight camping at the beach. It started upon arrival. We found the perfect spot, overlooking the playground, next to the new bathrooms, and within eyeshot of a firepit we wanted to nab that night. An amazing soul sister and her family came to join us for a bit of fun at the playground, then blessed us with the means to spend the night there.

This mama was in Pisces heaven!

I took a gazillion pictures and spent SO.MUCH.TIME just reflecting and standing in awe of how our time was perfectly unfolding.

After our friends/family left, we ran down to the water, where the kids played and I explained some stuff about the ocean to my Pisces son (like how the tides work and how sea creatures once lived in the shells we were finding).



I am home



We found peace in the sand



The kids got wet and sandy, and we headed back up to rinse off in the showers, as some new friends of ours showed up to bar-b-que with us.



The sun starting to set

The food and the company was delicious — complete with the s’mores :)) We quickly realized that the firewood we (overpricedly) purchased was not going to be enough to get us through the bar-b-que even, so Kass went on a hunt for more firewood and blessed us with some HUGE heavy pieces that I knew would last us all night :))



The firepit was magic, toasty, incredibly healing.

 After our friends left, me and the kids just sat there with the fire — the kids did a bit of dancing around to their favorite tunes, and Kass serenaded us to her favorite YouTube videos until her phone died. And we just sat. Noble fell asleep in my arms. I sat there for a long time thinking, “This is it. This is what this is all about.”

After I went and laid him inside the RV (and Kass stayed inside to read), Najaia and I grabbed my drum and headed back out to the firepit. It was a full moon. Let me back up a bit…. When I was pregnant with Najaia, I developed a burning desire to drum, so for my birthday right after she was born, I bought a djembe drum off Craigslist with background and energy I could vibe with :)  I had plans to visit drum circles and hula hoop jams :) Well, we haven’t left the house with it, but the kids have enjed showing me what natural drummers they are inside :)) I, personally, seem to not be made for drumming, as I cannot keep a rhythm to save my life.

So, I bring the drum down to the firepit. And Najaia and I get comfy and start drumming together. I close my eyes and think of the full moon, and let the full moon channel through me. I can’t say the sound was necessarily something I would proudly display, but it flowed through me and was a first step on my drum-playing-learning journey <3 What was most amazing was the magic that Najaia and I shared. As you can imagine, her and I don’t get a lot of alone time together. This was extra-special :))

That night, I got to fall asleep to the sound of waves crashing at the shore… *melt*

The next morning, Najaia awoke with me, and we headed out to the playground to play, where I met an amazing hippy mama with kids spaced almost exactly like mine! I kept thinking, gosh, now that I have gotten out of the house in the last month and a half, I am meeting the most AWESOME people! Noble awoke while we were at the playground, and after our friends left, I grabbed my drum, and me and the babies headed down to the water.

The beach was almost empty (early morning, school in session), and that was where the drumming magic happened. It started with the kids drumming (and Najaia dancing, too)

and then it was my turn to drum. I channeled the ocean and listened to the drum, and it seemed my arms knew what to do, and my hands, too. It sounded AMAZING! Suddenly, the drum was a wonderland of sounds and feels and movements.

What rose up out of me was definitely drum-circle worthy. I was REALLY jamming. It was so awesome.

Noble asked if we could go up to the playground and I explained that I was playing for the waves. Suddenly, a wave starts climbing up the sand toward us – probably 10 feet of recently-wet sand, and at least 15 feet of dry sand… and stops about 4 feet from us. I was in awe and almost leapt up and cheered. I silently thanked the ocean for the greeting, the acknowledgement that I was playing for her. I look down the beach as far as I can see and see that it only came up that high in about 3 spots.

Noble’s jaw has practically dropped. He takes the drum and starts drumming.

still drumming almost 20 minutes later

He drums the tide in <3

Finally, he gets the sand-climbing wave he was waiting for :)) We decide to join Najaia in water play :))

digging for sand crabs

running away from the wave

Off on an adventure :)



Cutest baby feet pic I have ever seen :)) You can see her little pink-with-black-spots toenails :)

 Then we head back up to the RV with plans to walk out on the jedi (sp? — the rock entrance/exit to the harbor). After we get changed, the sound of seals “ar-ar-AR”ing draws the babies to the boat docks part of the harbor :))

The CUTEST cloth diaper EVER, special made for Najaia from her Auntie MB — it’s a purple tiedyed star!



Kass joins us :))



Sisters <3

Doing what boys do <3 (or what my kids do LOL)

Making her sister feel better <3

As it turns out, there were 4 seals sunbathing in the water :)) (and one playing and “ar-ar-AR”ing :))

I really wanted to get out on the jedi, and we had a birthday party to attend, so the time was a bit crunched. So, I talked the kids into going back to the RV with me to get ready for our hike out into the ocean :)) We ended up eating lunch (bread, bree, and apples — YUM!), and when we headed out of the RV, we ran into a dear friend who happened to be at the playground with her daughter! So, we stuck around with them for a little while.

Wow, she touched my heart by expressing how encouraging my journey (via facebook) has been for her recently. We hugged for a long time. It was just what I needed to seal up the beach visit. I showed her the inside of the RV (hahaha, in all it’s messiness!), and we said good bye. As I drove away, I felt the peace lingering. We stopped to dump our tanks and made new friends (full-timers of 10 years currently renting some horse-land property in Vista).

I love this life.

i. love. this. life.


The Amazing RV Renovation

I love the app I took this pic with, especially since it made this pic look old,
so it could be my mom and her brand new RV! lol

Note: pics below, when I start talking about what I a doing and plan to do — but be forewarned, I did not get great “before” pics. The RV is small, and there isn’t a lot of room to scoot back and get a pic of a whole area, much less all the different walls, but there are some pics, nonetheless :))
Note again: I started writing this post the night before last, added more and edited yesterday, and am wrapping up this morning, so please excuse the possible less-than-seamlessness of it :)
Alright, here we go!

I have been having the most amazing time fixing up this RV for the last few days (yesterday ended up a day of park fun instead of work for the most part) :)) Words really cannot describe, but I would sure love to try!

So, first off, the easiest: I own it! I am allowed to do this! I can explore and experiment and pick and prod and PERSONALIZE to my living pleasure :))) I have this amazing vision in my head of it finished, and I love getting there!! Even better, I love the little detours that provide opportunities I hadn’t imagined, to personalize it :)) This is feeling more and more like home every minute! I am so in love with this RV! I was in love with it before, like a blank canvas to an artist, but I am painting now (literally!), and I am LOVING what is flowing through me! WOWSERS!

I am learning SO much about every detail of her as I paint and tinker around. I have watched videos of people who renovated their RVs or converted buses or whatever, and it is really awesome getting in here and doing my own! I really cannot believe how easy this is. I am definitely on ameteur status with tools, and I am amazed with my resourcefulness with a hammer, a screwgun, and a few screwdrivers :))) I was inspired by the guy who built an amazing hobbit-style house, with just a saw and a hammer. I can do this RV renovation with the limited tools I already own (except I will need a saw of some sort, and I will be very thankful that Lowes cuts wood I will need, with their powersaws, as long as I go in with the measurements :)))) I am learning about every inch of her as I paint and look around and notice things that aren’t working (or are) and want to know more about them. It’s kinda the epitome of unschooling going on over here :)))

And this is like climbing through a rabbit hole. I go to fix one thing that leads to another thing and then I find I can do this with that thing. Wow. I did a lot of reading and preparing, and now those things are starting to grow in my visions of spaces (like the kitchen, for example — thinking I might make a flow/living kitchen now since I am probably going to have to gut it anyway, because the storage is horrendous for living in!). I remember in one person’s videos about their RV renovation that they said there is always 1 surprise when renovating a used RV. I think I found mine :)) The night before last, I had a detailed list of what “needed” to be done, and today the list grew a bit unexpectedly, and I am THRILLED about that!!!! In fact, as things come up, I see more and more clearly how those things happened to allow me to even better suit this space for us. I can’t wait to show you all this gorgeous space that I see so clearly in my head and am seeing slowly manifesting into reality before my eyes. Renovating this RV is definitely an organic process. I am keeping lists, more for ideas of things to check later to see if I still want to do (and so I can share with you all what I have done and want to do, etc, and because it is fun! I love making lists), but I am renovating based on flowing through every inch of the RV and knowing my needs :))

I am trying really hard to make sure my kids feel like this is their home, too, that they get to help with what they want to help with :) It has been AWESOME to see Noble just jump in with some tools and start messing around with stuff, and Najaia, too :) And Kass has helped a bit and talked with me about ideas for spots :))) I have to be careful to keep their experience intact while quickly manifesting my own visions, too :)))

I’ve realized a comfy bed is priority number 1 right now.

The loft space (“before”)

I LOVE sleeping in the RV. I love spending every moment in there :))) The first 3 nights, we slept in the RV, but the last 2 nights we have had to sleep in the house, because that unexpected surprise (mentioned earlier) involves the bed area up top, and I have to gut most of the space up there. Well, I have found that the house doesn’t feel like home anymore. It feels weird being in there. I just want to stay out here with my love!!!!!

This RV LOVES us <3 She is so happy to have us in here fixing her up <3 I truly feel like her name is Gypsy Goddess. She is quite the goddess, and I feel the goddess coming out of her as I peel away the outdated layers and lavish her with love and beauty — okay, maybe I’m projecting my own self-love! :)))

Everyone LOVES her! The neighbor kids can’t hang out enough (especially when they got to climb up into the loft), and the babies love climbing all over her and playing in her! The first thing Noble did when the Leapleys left after signing the paperwork was strip down naked :))))) He knew he was home <3 He tells everyone we see that we live in an RV, and he calls it “home” :))) He thinks of people in his life and asks me if we are going to drive to see them in our RV, and he says it is bigger or faster than every car he sees on the road :))) Even the cat loves it!! Sabastian has been in here all day and all night with us every day <3

Where we usually find him sleeping :)) (the loft)

Posing for a picture — no, he just needed some attention when I was trying to shoot the cabinets :D

He loves being in here so much,
he even tolerates the baby playing with him while he sleeps <3

I am especially excited about the neighborhood kids coming over and hanging out and seeing me work on her, because they think it is so cool, and since we live in a poorer neighborhood, I feel like it makes it more of a reality for them to have one someday, too, if they wanted to :))

I wish I could take video of my progress, but the mic on my iPod is really bad (sounds really muffled), so you wouldn’t be able to hear me :(( I wish more people could have seen her “before”. I wish I had been able to take better “before” pictures so you could really see what all I have done :))) I’m BURSTING with pride with myself for what I have found myself to be capable of. Wow, me. So far, it’s been mostly construction type stuff, with a teensy touch of electrical.

I’ve so got this.

And let me just say that if you are local and want to come see what’s going on in here, please feel free to come check it out! It is so wonderful having company to come share this awesome journey with :))) That goes double if you own a shop vac or any other tools that may make this easier (like a saw LOL), and especially if you have any expertise you can share with me! :))) LOL

This RV was already so awesome when we got it. Like I keep telling the Leapley’s, I am so grateful for an RV in such great condition, so I can focus on all the fun stuff :)) Even though we have come across a couple little things that are more than just topical, how blessed are we that it is so minor! This RV came to us in a condition we could have vacationed in comfortably, and the reason I am renovating it (other than I just love the opportunity to) is because we are hoping to live in it for several years. I decided, instead of just “painting over” some issues, that I was going to get down to the root (or the wood or the aluminum siding, as the case may be) and build it back up, since this will be our home for a long time, and because I don’t want to have to do it later (and find the paint colors again and what not — I have my prioreties on straight! lol). I want to get it all in tip-top shape immediately, especially while we have a house and room to do all this now :)) It’s also a good opportunity to learn what we will need from the tools and bits of stuff that I have held onto (screws, wheels, etc), since I am doing everything now, so we don’t have to carry that stuff around if I won’t ever need it (or can get it later when we actually do need it). I am so grateful for the chance to learn and do, and more learning :)))

Alright, so here is my list of stuff that I have done.

  • Spackled, taped, primered, and painted most of the interior (including places you don’t see much of, like under the dinette cushions);
    

    you can see the contrast between the dark wood that was in the whole RV and the white paint I did
  • painting also included removing the edges of the carpet, so I could paint down to the wood in prep for wood floors
  • New knobs on the cubbard doors above the windows (haven’t done the kitchen, bathroom, and closets yet)
  • All blinds out, and new curtain rods up (hoping the blinds fit my house ones that the dog completely annihilated in his anger at me about not being seperated right now)
  • In the process of removing all red leather ( including the cab); I tried painting it white but realized it was paneling wrapped in foam and leather, so I took the foam and leather off and attached the paneling, waiting to be painted :)
  • Removed paneling and (if needed) wood in upper bed area because of serious water/rot — removed 1 window because the wood was so rotted around it, it crumbled away
  • My big helper :)))))
  • Started to remove the carpet in the upper bed area before I realized that the wood under it by the window was black and water/rot damaged, so I have to take that whole thing out and rebuild a new one anyway
  • Removed broken visor in driver’s spot and screws from paneling in the cab
  • Shorted out the electrical (long story) and learned how to change a fuse :))))

All that in 3 days amongst keeping my children alive, fed, relatively clean, and recently prioritizing activities and nap time ;))

My next step is to check the other side of the bed area for water/rot because there seems to be *something* based on the exterior. Then, once the bed area around the windows is checked and properly gutted, I am going to work on taking the flooring out of the loft area (2x4s sandwiched between plywood as a heavy duty frame).

Right now, the bed pulls out to be a queen, but it had this cool sliding floor thing to make the bed smaller and the cab space below bigger, but we won’t need that or be able to use it, so I am building a whole new bed floor from scratch (and salvaged pieces that are in good condition). We are going to have a queen mattress on top and a foam mattress topper. We won’t be able to sit up in bed (because the bedding will be so high), but an uber comfy bed is worth it :)) There are plenty of other places to sit :)

After I get the bed all finished, I am going to install my beautiful brown leather couch and take out this one:

And then my next priority will be either reupholstering the drivers cab (seats, doors, floor carpet) and possibly putting in a new stereo (just need a radio and an iPod dock)

or gutting the kitchen.

In the kitchen, the cabinets above the the sink will remain (but it needs a cabinet door where the microwave was and additional shelving, which I will have to figure out how to add), and the stove and oven will remain (gonna make a “counter top” to go over it so I have some counter space to work on when the burners aren’t in use), and the fridge will remain (but I’m taking the leather fronts off and replace with chalkboard painted wood). I would like to put in a slightly bigger sink if possible (with another counter top cover thing), and I am going to gut the bottom (horrible use of space down there, and the kitchen is teeny, so I need every square inch I can get!). I am going to add some kind of beautiful splash sides just above the countertops, and I am gonna paint the kitchen plum. It will inspire me to cook and prepare food more when it is beautiful, and it will be a constant reminder of the goddessy earth-mama-y art of nourishing my family (purple does that for me :)) It’s going to be fun figuring out how to make a compost bin and other “living kitchen” or “flow kitchen” things I shared in a previous post :))))

The next step will probably be the bathroom.

Another big project. Probably needs all new walls (don’t have pics of the cabinets above the window, because the lighting from the window made the rest of the picture just look like black space), and there is possibly water/rot around the back window. The cabinets and storage areas in there are, again, not ideal for space-maximizing (I know, they didn’t intend people to live in them, just visit), so that will be remedied. The tub is AWESOME, but it will need a new shower head, for sure. I anticipate some major beautifying, because I am quite particular about my bathroom looking like the temple it is, complete with a plant near the toilet. We shall see on the details, but that room is going to be LOTS of fun :))
The next thing to do will be the floors. I want to put in something that will be easy to clean (and the tool to do it requires very little space), so hardwood floors would be ideal. But I also want something child/dog friendly (fairly scratch-proof), and not a fortune or too heavy. There are some great options out there, and I will decide when we get closer to that step. I was thinking it would be awesome to find some kind of way to do something like this:
Mural made of pebbles

At that point, I would LOVE to hit the road for a week or so (a trial run, so to speak, to assess our needs better while we still have the house and our stuff to draw from) and then come back and finish the kitchen, renovate the closet space (it’s just a big giant open space)

and reupholster the cushions for the dinette (might actually do that on our trial run)

leather on one side and fabric on the other — which I will do, too :)

Somewhere in there, I need to make a few more curtains and detail/paint the exterior (including a gorgeous mural my sister is going to do on the back!). Hopefully, I will have money for solar panels, and I will need to learn electrical basics and figure out my current electrical system and adjust it to be solar. I may need a new water pump and a bigger freshwater tank (currently 20 gallons — it should be a crime to put such a tiny tank in an RV that sleeps so many people!). I’m going to get new tires. I think I’m going to get a crash-course on the other appliances I’m not so sure about, so I can understand them better and take care of them better. I would like to learn how to change my own oil and other basics that I can do to pamper my beauty while she pampers us :)))

This is the feel I am going for in the whole RV :))))) I’m so excited about creating it :))


Happy Celebrating Rebirth Day

Although, we do not identify as Christians, we do love excuses to celebrate :)))) And the celebration of rebirth seems to be univeral around this time of year (Spring), so I can get down with that :)) Here are some pics of our day:

In her Sunday best :))

Saying “cheeeeese”
He is going to melt hearts someday…

Can I take a moment to express just how much I love them? Wow, words can’t begin to describe!

Searching for the Ostara bunny

Trying to find that bunny

Basket time :))

Kassidy being a bunny :)))

Speaking of bunnies…. A chocolate one curled up in the grass with some eggs made of fabric scraps :)

Bash had to get in on the love action :))))

He tolerated this for about 10 seconds LOL

One says “celebrate” and the other says “rebirth” (hollow eggs that I was going to make tacky earrings out of LOL)

Gay pride rabbit egg :))))

“stained glass” or “tie-dyed” eggs :)))

We always write their names on one egg each every year :))

My favorite eggs — no surprise LOL purple stars and spirals :))))))))))))))

Some Spring-themed cupcakes that I made — delicious :)

He knew how to look for eggs this year :))

Najaia’s first time egg hunting :)

She got the hang of it real fast :D

Livin’ in March

It’s been about a month since I posted some snapshots of our life, so I guess I am due for a post on that :)))

A day of balloons, right after Noble’s birthday — Noble wanted to show off his tricks

Najaia had to get in on the fun :))

While Kai was sick, the cats allowed him close, and they kinda bonded

He bonded even more deeply with us, too <3

Kass made this to hang in our big window, and it looks like stained glass against the sun :) So beautiful :))

My friend, Karina’s birthday :)))

I am so proud of this cake, so had to take another pic. It was SO delicious, too!

Noble and Najaia clipped clip-on-earrings in my hair :))

I cut my hair (too short) and made the most of it :))

Started getting creative with things I could put in my hair — this was made from scraps from my curtains :))

This is also a scrap from my curtains :))))))

So cute — another angle :)

I look so dyke here :)) I love it ;)

Najaia helping nurse Kai back to health (hand-feeding him)

They got really close during this ordeal <3

Went to visit my stepkids. Here is Kass with Izayah (12 yrs old)

Jakqel couldn’t get enough of Najaia :))

Noble loved him some Jakqel :))

Most of the crew :))

These 2 were partners in crime :))

Speaking of partners in crime :))))

March 2011
March 2007

Just bein cute — he loves to sleep with his head on our pillows :)))

The newest fun in our house — the water table! Every day or so we find something new to put in it and play with, but even nothing but water works!!! :))

Even Kai likes to play :)))

So, that was a bit of March. I am not so good at taking pics of so many things we do. Partly because my camera doubles as my ipod, so if we are listening to music, I usually don’t get a pic, and also because usually I am involved in most of the things, so I don’t get a lot of pics. I think I have a remedy for that… We shall see <3


I Met The Organic Sister

…about 2 weeks ago, but I had just cause to only post about it now, I promise :))

Firstly, we thought we were going to get together again before she left (which was Monday). Secondly, I have been creating away on my big surprise! And lastly, and most importantly, I needed it’s impact to set in before I could do a post justice.

Lemme tell you a bit about The Organic Sister, (the online identity and the person, Tara) for me. I resonate so deeply with her blog that when I deleted my subscriptions to all blogs I was following (except my personal friends), she was 1 of 3 (“strangers”) blogs I didn’t cancel my subscription to. He blog speaks deep within my soul, it speaks deeply FOR my soul. In addition to her being a whole-life unschooler, she knows that “organic” is much more than just preservative-free foods. Organic is living life from the inside out, and she definitely does that :) Her organic ways of passionately living and creating her soul’s purpose (like that “Organic” graphic on my sidebar) are inspiring to me like a soul guide. For example, my favorite part about her life: her family travels full-time in an RV home on wheels :))))) She inspires me all over the place… More about my own journey with that later :) On to the visit….

So, we went over last Monday, to their little RV spot for a potluck with other TOS fans :) We were the first ones there (no surprise given my enthusiam, but HUGE surprise if you know me well enough to know that I am painstakingly late to EVERYTHING, including our own parties LOL).

I was SO scared that I was gonna be starstruck LOL I was afraid I was gonna want an autograph or something LOL As we were preparing to go, I was having all those haunting things I feel when meeting really cool people, about not being “enough” of something or the other. But I remembered, this is The Organic Sister, and she started a site called Sustainable Baby Steps – of COURSE she will understand that we are moving in that direction but aren’t fully there yet.

I have this horrible anxiety when it comes to meeting people face-to-face that I have connected so well with online. On more than one occasion, I have had pretty heart-breaking experiences of meeting people who I connected with so beautifully online fall apart in person. So, I was scared the enchantment would be broken, among other things.

And then we knocked on the door, and Tara answered, and I felt like I was being reunited with an old friend <3 I’d seen her pictures, seen her move and talk on video. It felt like down-to-earth reuinion, for me <3 I coulnd’t believe how awesomely easy it was for me to be present with her and the other amazing new and already-established friends who visited that day, too :)

We got a tour of Jazz (their new RV – a 5th wheel), and it was surreal being in a space I had seen in a video tour a week or so before. As we were sitting there throughout the day, I just kept having these little completely-distracting moments of catching something that I remembered from the video. It was totally cool.

Meeting new friends ROCKED. I am so happy about the awesome (LOCAL!) families I met that day, especially ones who are making plans to buy and RV and head out onto their own adventures :)) It was great to talk with people about their plans and see more clearly where I stand with my own :)))) It felt like a radical unschooling parkday – the kids were playing all over to their childhood heart’s contents and the adults were partaking in the delicious discussions that happen when likeminded folk gather. It was peace.

Speaking of friends, a dear family (the Leapley’s) who started coming to our radical unschooling parkday last year also joined us :))) When I first met this family, I knew I loved them. I felt a spark, a click, a connection, and the months since (and recently) have assured me that it is real and mutual <3 They are one of the realest, funnest family’s I have had the honor of meeting :)) The day we met, they were 4 children, 1 dad, and a pregnant mom <3 Now, they are 5 children deep (and gonna stop “when they come out ugly” LMAO) and getting out into their RV on the road next month, after a conversation we had at the first parkday I met them about my plans to hit the road, which they grew into their own lives :))) I am sad to lose their presence, but SO excited to see them head off on their journey. And I’d be missing a crucial bit if I didn’t add that a part of me wants to stow away in their closet (except it’s not big enough for me and all my kids and furried loves). When I am ready to hit the road, I will be their caravanning shadow :))) I love them to pieces, each of their 7 pieces <3 I am just THRILLED to see their new exciting journey ahead of them :) And to think it all grew from a conversation I had with them about roadschooling and introducing them to a few blogs, like The Organic Sister :)) It was really cool to see the family at the Organic Sister Gathering :)))


My family, Tara’s, and the Leapleys :))

Kassidy had SUCH a blast with all the older kids to romp around with. The Leapley’s older kids are some of her favorites in the whole world, and Kass and Tara’s son, Zeb got along famously. I couldn’t believe the instant connection :) Even on the drive home, as we had our long and deep talks that happen when we are driving, the conversation kept being redirected back to her enjoyment of Zeb :) He was so sweet and fun and generous (he gave Kass and the Leapley kids some YuGiOh cards, and he gave Kass his rip board!!!). At the risk of embaressing her, I just have to share a bit of his sweetness and her growing <3 Kass said, after talking with her friend Ava about husbands so much recently (they have their whole futures planned out: kids, animals, names, husband qualities, Alaska, jobs… so fun to watch it unfold), Kass said that Zeb would make a good husband someday. He is so kind and cute, too ;)
Speaking of amazing connections, I couldn’t believe how comfortable Najaia was with Tara. Jai is usually fine with strangers until they look at her or try to talk with her, in which case Jai draws inward and away from them, but something about Tara drew Jai in. She didn’t draw away from her invitingness, and even let Tara hold her and offer her things :)) It was a beautiful little union <3

As the day wound down, I was starting to get a real feel for the appreciation of a tribe. Our kids had SO much fun playing — obviously:


Could that picture get any better? That is the oldest daughter of Kim, who I am delighted to find I have more and more in common with :)))



He’s too cool for lots of things, like smiling or wearing his shoes on the feet they were made for :)))) I adore every bit of this boy <3

After a long hard day of play and exploration (as if those 2 things were seperate lol), Najaia took a much-needed nap :)))

And after she woke up, I managed to snag a pic of the 2 of them in one of Najaia’s new outfits from her Auntie MB, who runs a sustainable business in Oregon, called Earth Huggy <3

Better pics of the outfit coming very soon (now that the weather has warmed up).

I am always moved by tribe-type days, and I want more and more of them. I savor days like this, where the playing is child-guided and a joy to witness, and the adult conversation heals the soul and breathes air under it’s wings <3

This visit with Tara and the rest of the awesome families inspired my new big surprise that I can’t wait to share with you all (probably tomorrow). Until then <3


Welcome, Spring!

Today, I feel the freshness of new birth, of life, of warmth.

I celebrate the life in my life (my growing children, my changing home, my living puppy, my sun-worshipping cats, my verdant plants).

I organize the plans to make the most out of this spring with a garden (to take a load off of our grocery budget), and to create a child & puppy friendly backyard for all of my children (maybe I will create a special sun-basking spot for the cats, too!).

I started off this beautiful spring reviving the life of a friendship that has been resting during the winter <3 We sat in the sun catching up and eating cake for hours today, and I got my first sunburn for the summer (yay!). My other Scottish friends have the same experience of having to get that first burn that settles into a tan for the rest of the bright sunny days of the year :)

Something inside me must have known today was spring before I was reminded via a facebook friend’s status. A long delicious shower just sounded so good this morning (even though I am a night-time showerer), and then I decided to cut my hair short again. 6 years ago, my hair touched my butt, and it was blond… Alright, here is a picture.

Well, the blond damaged my hair, and a couple years after this picture was taken, in an attempt to cut off the damaged hair, I ended up with basically this:

A few months after my first short hair cut, so shaped differently, but you can see how short I went)

I went through phases where I was trying to grow it out again. Here it was a few weeks ago:

Me and my neice, Leilani <3

But, really, I love it short. So, today I decided to go short again… Well, I accidently went too short!

Before some chapstick, plucked eyebrows, and coffee!

So, today has been a day of finding fun ways to wrap my hair up (until it is the length I want, hopefully in time for summer)!

Scrap purple batik fabric

Braided strips of scrap batik fabrics and a few inches of elastic

A scrap from the curtains I made!

Another angle — gotta get all those batik fabric prints in the pics :))

I am excited about the hair adornments :)) And I am hoping that my poor shocked hair relaxes into a curl again (lol). More hair pics to come in the following weeks, I am sure :)


Life

Life is a big thing, isn’t it? I mean, it’s full of so much diversity — I am in awe when I try to fathom the breadths and depths of the diversity of life. Life is full of ecstatic highs and dark mucky lows, and it usually follows a cycle that goes something like “birth, living, death, rebirth.” This week has been a lot of that…

On Sunday of last week, I realized that my female puppy was sick, so I lined up some financial assistance for a vet visit and brought her in. That vet was painfully unhelpful, and I left more of a mess than when I had gotten there. So, I went to another vet, who seemed more capable of answering my questions and easing my anxiety about the whole thing. Both vets assuring me that it was serious but (although they couldn’t guarantee anything) she wouldn’t die in the morning, before I was able to come back for treatment. I knew she was so sick, and it broke my heart.

The next morning, she was indeed dead <3 Maybe some people won’t get how this impacted me, but I had loved them as much as any baby of mine. I was plagued with all the doubt and guilt and pain any mama would be. I raced my boy puppy into the vet (in place of his sister) and found out they had parvo. The vet was so very grave to tell me this. I’d researched it before when we thought that our female had it right after we had gotten her, so I knew a bit, but I wasn’t aware of the statistics that the vet shared with me: parvovirus is so serious that only 80% of dogs treated at the hospital made it, and a devastating 15% made it through home treatment.

Well, I knew he would make it. I saw him in our lives for a long time, so I was sure he was going to pull through, but I was afraid of how much pain he would suffer through and how much it would require from me. Today is Sunday, again, and he has started eating today (hasn’t eaten in 3 or 4 days), stopped tossing liquids back up yesterday, and has found a renewed interest in chasing the cats. We made it. Still recovering, but we made it <3

I mourned my girl for a couple days, crying buckets at the drop of a dime, but it got drowned out in the caring for Kai. The only one who misses her more than me is him. In fact, I could barely assess his state because he is so depressed about losing his sister. He was there for every minute. He knows how she was taken from us. I’ve processed so much of the guilt and sadness, and I feel just grateful for how she blessed our lives by gracing us with her presence for the short 4 months that we had her. Her death has spurred some rebirth in our lives, birth of renewed appreciation for Kai, birth of revisiting how I feel about vaccinations for my pets and other safety and quality of life stuff, birth of being reminded of how grateful we are for life and for living.

In addition to fighting for life with my puppy, I found myself fighting with a family member who I have always wanted to be close with but felt so much anxiety concerning. We have a long history (family – duh! lol), so there was a lot for me to revisit. It was such an amazing opportunity for self-reflection and practicing being true to me. Every scathing detail was exquisitely delicious, as I learned that I am more confident in myself than ever before and that nothing that could be said by said family member could harm my tender innards. There were more amazing lessons than I could remember (processed and integrated!) or express (without boring you to pieces). We will just say that some of my deepest fears of life bounced off of me like rubber bullets :) In fact, so much of the negative judgments that I once held about myself and am aware from others, I am now able to embrace and see as a success :))

For example, what once felt slightly like I fail at romantic relationships, I now see as my success at holding together a rich and loving relationship while I could and being healthy enough to let it go when the time came for it. The fact that me and my last love still talk almost every day and can process things that come up together along the way tells me that I am very good at having healthy relationships :)) Go me! lol There were many other things that came up for me and for my beloved family member that had this same kind of “ah ha!” inspiring impact on me. It has left me on a total life high for a couple days now :)))))
Unclogging blockage in my life is liberating beyond words. I no longer have all that old stuff pooling and festering inside me in regards to this relationship, old outdated things that are irrelevant to this life that I have personally designed. Who knows what this relationship may be from this day forward, but I am excited to say in the very least it will be real and it will be present. Also, it inspires me in my ability to revisit some estrangement between my mom and I.

In the course of my deep and mucky week, Mother Earth decided to manifest her own deep and mucky growth. My heart goes out to Japan right now. I’ve missed most of the details, but I wanted to share something I read back when Australia had some serious flooding in January. It shifted my perspective on these kinds of things and on life in general. It was written by Wild Women on facebook, and I hope it helps you find peace and healing, too <3

“Birthing Woman. Waters break, gushing everywhere. Mess. Pain. Transition sets in. Out of control. Panic. Will I survive? Howling agony, please let this be over. The birth. Joy above joys. Relief! Time to clean up. Celebrate. Could it be the Mother is birthing? They called the Lockyear Valley flood an inland tsunami. …It feels like S…he is birthing and we are her midwives, whispering support, offering love and tender care. The birth was tough. And now the clean up. What is she birthing? Perhaps deeper heart connection between human beings, an opportunity to rebuild with ‘environmentally friendly’ as the key word, different approaches to building and farming. A clean start. We will gain more understanding as time passes what the bigger picture is. Meantime, for those caught in Her wake, those affected by her labour, we offer our tears. She is not revengeful, mean or unjust, just when we stand in her path we become part of Her journey.”


Been Living

So, since I am not using Facebook for sharing my posts and life with loved ones via internet, I am going to do a little update here :)) Here are some pics and updates on the living we have been doing recently :)

Just a bit of playing out in front of the house (she LOVES getting all dolled up! — the boots were all her)
Returning home late from another day that snow (no pics from the actual snow, but Noble brought some home)
Trying on hats :))
Went up to my sister’s house to celebrate with family for my and Noble’s birthdays :)
some gifts I brought her, wrapped in fabric with ribbon strips leftover from my curtains — yay for recycling!
My first patchwork blanket I made for my neice :)
When did my daughte become the gorgeous young woman in this pic? I still remember when she was my neice’s age <3
Najaia loves being a girl in this family, too :))
My sister and I with our children and our dad <3
Proud Papa and his grandchildren <3
My motley crew :))
I adore my baby sister <3
My beautiful sister and her adorable pride and joy :))
Wearing her sister’s hat :))
“lions” to decorate the cupcake tops for Noble’s 4th birthday party <3

4 Years: Ode to Noble

Noble, born March 5, 2007 at 8:45 pm, 8 lbs 8 oz



hours after his birth — hence the date saying 3-6-07

My son turned 4 today.

4 years ago (4 minutes before I started writing this), I gave birth to him…

His was a wild birth. He was almost born in a bathtub :) After having had Jai at home, I sometimes wish I’d just had him in the bathtub :)) When I had been in labor with Kassidy, I had been sent home from the hospital 2 times because it was “inactive” labor, so I was determined to not get to the birth center too soon with Noble. I had been told by a midwife in the morning to just go about life as usual and call back when my contractions were consistent. They never got consistent.

But a wise dear friend of mine heard me having long close-together contractions on the phone (as I was on my way down to the bathtub) and raced over, even though I had insisted that they weren’t consistent and so I couldn’t be close enough for concern. I walked down to the bathtub (our’s was out-of-service, so we had to use one in an abandoned apartment for the week before the birth), and I climbed in, and I was suddenly in excruciating pain. I thought the pain was too bad to bear and I may end up needing an epidural (something I hadn’t used or even wanted with Kass) — now, I know I was in transition (between labor and pushing).

I was in tears at that point with pain. I was trying to climb out of the tub, when my friend and my son’s dad came into the apartment. We gathered up the kids and bags of pre-packed stuff, and headed down for the 30-45 minute drive. On the way down in my friend’s brand new Yukon, I felt the urgency to be where I needed to be. I kept urging her to drive faster. We called a couple people on the drive down. I was really feeling urgency.

Meanwhile, my mom was racing across the county, from the low desert, up the grade, across the country-side, and deep into the city.

We got to the hospital-based birth center, and my water broke about 5 minutes after climbing into the wheelchair (SO glad it didn’t bust in my friend’s new Yukon!). As it turns out, that was a popular time for birthing. The birth center was full and I was going to have to birth in the hospital with midwives (I was VERY unhappy about that fact, especially because I had planned to have Kassidy at that birth center almost 8 years before, but they had lost their lease and I ended up in a hospital). I was feeling the urge to push, and I kept telling the nurse who was escorting us around. Then we got down to the hospital floors and they said they were full, too, and I was going to have to birth in the ER! That is when the nurse called upstairs and pulled some strings.

We went back upstairs and got me into the queen-sized bed, I had 1 contraction on the bed, and it was time to push. And Noble was born in 15 minutes. It was an excruciatingly painful birth because of the stress, and it still makes me angry to know how unnecessary it all was — I started off beautifully laboring alone in birthland, and ended up wanting to curse people out for being so nice when they were torturing me. It was what spurred my unassisted birth 2 1/2 years later (to the day) — knowing I could just do me without needing permission or being messed with.

My mom showed up about 15 minutes after Noble was born, making a record-breaking 2 hour trip in about an hour! She tells a story about a gigantic moon in the sky as she was driving, and she knew Noble was on his way. (Interestingly, all 3 of my children’s births occur the day after the full moon.)

After his birth, I was in a baby haze, surrounded by friends and family. My best friend, Karina, had raced down for the birth, too :))

My oldest was bursting with excitement over her new baby brother <3 
I was very aware of how blessed I was for my family <3
I kept waking up during the night and looking at my babies sleeping, and I could have died of contentment <3
The next day my dad, his new family, and my sister came down.

It has been a joy watching him grow…

Follow the length of his dreads :)))
He is unfolding to reveal such depth and amazing character. He is so amazing to me. He reminds me so much of me. He is so familiar. We used to call him a mini me, because he truly has been so much like me. It has been a blessing to see him grow to be like his dad, too. I knew there was a reason I loved him ;) He is so interesting to me, fascinating for the ways we are different and intriguing for the ways we are the same. I feel like I learn about myself by experiencing him <3
Noble is the best big brother a baby sister could hope for! Najaia is more blessed than I can find the words for.
I wish Kass still felt like this about him:

He helps me to remember to slow down, because he likes things slow and simple. He isn’t a big fan of big crowds and lots of stuff. Today, he just wanted to connect with a few special people and play with a couple new toys. This year was the first year he enjoyed everyone singing happy birthday to him. I feel him coming out of his shell — sometimes, in fact, I forget that he was painfully shy until just after his second birthday. Now, he is playful and friendly and adventurous. He is sensitive to people and situations. He loves sneaking up on us (while I am asking Kassidy what those sounds are that we are hearing), and he loves being a lion, and he loves his action figures, animals, dragons, and dinosaurs. He loves to play alone or with a few friends. He is so easy going. He is such a joy.

Today, he is taller — he looked in the mirror and noticed he is as tall as a 4-year-old and was surprised that his clothes fit his 4-year-old body. He was so proud to be 4. A few short weeks ago, he didn’t want to turn 4 — he wanted to stay 3. I told him he could stay 3 as long as he wanted to. Today, he was ready to be 4. I’m in tears right now. I love him so much. I am SO.IN.LOVE with this boy <3

Happy birthday, my sweet golden boy <3


Dear Facebook Friends and Family,

I joined Facebook to connect with you, my loved ones, not to create or partake in any kind of dissention with you. I want to feel closer to you and all of the people I like and love, not drive wedges made of “differences” (even though I prefer to see it as the diversity of similarities).

As any of you can attest to, Facebook is very easy to lose one’s time in! I spend time all day posting statuses, pictures, and links to stuff I love, and checking all of your statuses, pictures, and interesting links out, too — not to mention all the whole-hearted commenting!! And Facebook has actually only been 1 large part of this giant internet center of gravity I’ve created.

So, I have hit my “too much” mark (well, I ignored it for far too long, and so am backtracking greatly!), and I have deeply renovated my internet time over the last few days. I’ve deleted memberships to every site or group online that I was in (except for Facebook), and I’ve unsubscribed to about 98% of the rest of my time online — it’s just my blog, Facebook, a couple local homeschool groups, and a handful of friends’/beloved blogs. I want to live life from the inside out with my kids, and I want to be present with them. I’m sure you can understand and probably relate <3 (it’s why I love you :))

So, I’m not going to be posting statuses and pictures to Facebook anymore, only SOME updates from my blog. Back to the connection, not dissent bit from the beginning:

I know my blog (and my interests) aren’t for everyone – and they aren’t meant to be. So, I am not going to continue sharing every post I make on my blog onto Facebook — if you want to see the juicey stuff, please subscribe to my blog (if you can’t figure out how to, contact me and I will help you :))).

Otherwise, I will only post to Facebook updates on my blog that are what I call “snapshots of our life” (basically the statuses and pics) :) I think some of you will want to know what we are up to (the way I will be stopping by Facebook at times to check in on you), so I will post that.

My goal is to make your journey into my internet expression of our life (my blog) more comfortable for you. I hope this works :)) I care very much about my connections with the loved ones in my life, and I want to post everything on here so people who aren’t on Facebook can stay updated on us, too :) I just love having a “one-stop shop” for everything :)) So, I hope this helps us to stay connected. And please feel free to leave comments on my blog posts — I will make it available for non-bloggers to be able to :)

Peace <3 See you around <3


When Jai Turned One

So, Najaia turned 1 last Sunday. I feel like I cannot get enough of celebrating her first birthday. I want to keep celebrating and sharing and reminiscing about her birth a year ago. It was a huge deal for this family, for me. Bringing Jai into this family has created more love between me and my kids than I ever thought possible. Jai’s birth brought so much love to me from Tribemamas — I’ve never felt so loved and valued in my life <3 I LOVED being pregnant and giving birth and look forward to it again. My freebirth was one of the hugest things to happen in my life — I cannot find the words to express the self trust I found during my unassisted pregnancy and birth. I wanna tell the story and retell the story to everyone who wants to hear. I feel strong, like an Amazon woman, and feminine, like a goddess. I feel wild and sacred and sturdy like an oak tree. I want to keep feeling that way, which is probably why I can’t get my fill of thinking about her birth during this time. It was so beautiful and peaceful. I feel like I was a birthing goddess, even though at the time my perfectionist self only thought of how it could have been better. Now, all I can think about is the success and think of how it has paved the way for my future births. What an experience! When I get a chance, I will post her birth story in my journal. Until then, I just wanna crank up the music, paint beauty all over the place, and celebrate! (oh, and eat cake — told you I can’t stop celebrating!!)

A pic from her first birthday party :))

Let It Snow

Monday, we drove a couple hours up into the mountains to the snow. The kids had so much fun :)) We brought a friend of Kass’ along, and the girls took off to sled while I wrestled with the puppies (who LOVED the snow) and the baby (who did NOT). Noble didn’t remember being in the snow before, and he wanted to do everythig he has seen on movies. It was adorable seeing him do things all on his own, like laying in the snow and making snow angels :)) Here are some pics :)


Excited to FINALLY go up to the snow :)

 

She would have enjoyed it better if I could have slowly introduced her to snow, instead of trying to not get dragged away by excited puppies :))





Trying to get them to pull her… Didn’t work out as expected :)))

The snowman Noble wanted to make before we left :)

He has a mohawk :))

He was so proud!

Glee

Creating a Legacy: Najaia’s Free Birth

This is the very long, raw, uncensored story of the birth of my 3rd child. This is cut and pasted from another venue, so if something doesn’t make sense, please ask for clarification…

I’m starting with “The Impact of Najaia’s Birth”, because it was what I wrote first…
Creating a Legacy: Najaia’s Birth (2nd Edition)

I wrote a version of Najaia’s birth the morning after she was born, and I am glad that I have it, but it was a part of a process of the birth, so the one I want to share now will include parts of that one that are relevant, but a more current understanding of her birth experience and how it has impacted me. Part of the process of her birth was learning just how much before and after the birth are parts of the birth experience, too. Birth is so much more than just a physical act of bringing a baby into the world. This is my third child, but I have learned so much from this experience, it’s hard to find the words… but I will try

This experience was more than just birth to me; it was life. It was the creation of a legacy of self-trust for my family, and it was raw and wild and real–it wasn’t the spiritual Zen experience, channeling birth goddesses and ancient ancestors, that I had hoped (although, apparently, it looked like it from the outside); it was a manifestation of real life: “the blood, the shit, the pain, the ecstasy, the sweetness, the glory” (excerpt from the poem, “I Am” by a freebirth sister on unassistedbirth.com). Each of those are so symbolic to this birth, and combined they tell a story:

The blood, to me, was the large amount of blood that I lost after the birth but trusted that I was fine concerning, and also the blood clots that I passed after birth that symbolize, to me, uncertainty and interdependence [I had thought they were the placenta coming out in pieces, so we called Kim, a fellow freebirth sister, and asked her what she thought I could do to get the placenta out–just to be clear, I was not concerned about the placenta coming out in pieces, but I just desired some added support on how to get it all out, but found out they were not the placenta but were blood clots, which I had been unaware of]–uncertainty and interdependence are indicative of life and I embrace them in a freebirth, especially because people think the only way to have a safe freebirth is if you know everything possible–it’s a little more realistic to not know everything, and I have found that is okay. The shit was SO raw, the raw part of life and birth–I was scared to “poop” while I was pushing (oh-so modest me) but overcame that QUICKLY (I laughed in the tub thinking how much I could care less about the shit, and I still laugh thinking about how embarrassed I thought I would be but how I ended up really feeling), and it was also the reason Kass changed her mind about climbing into the pool with me during the actual birth LOL. The pain–OH, I cannot express the pain that I was in, that I was not expecting, and what it meant, but I will get back to that. The ecstasy… I had a few contractions that were almost orgasmic, and I could TOTALLY see how birth could be orgasmic; it was amazing. The sweetness–well, she is sleeping on my lap nursing while I type this &lt;3 And the glory was the moment she was born, the moment I had given birth, and it is the power and the legacy of this birth.

This birth was empowering beyond measure (I keep realizing how deeply I was impacted by it), humbling, amazing, “no big deal”, momentarily scary, extremely challenging, and (the part I missed in the first edition of this) so very sacred. There was so much more pain than I had anticipated, and it had left me feeling, afterward, like I hadn’t “done as good” as I could have (1st edition), but I am over that now (2nd edition). I understand that there was SO much residual stuff, from the hardships and challenges in this pregnancy that I thought I was over but came up during the birth process, and I am actually proud of myself for how well I rose to the occasion over and over–from the mental workout of psyching myself through every single contraction, to tapping into my body to know what was happening and what I needed to do, and being able to still work at comforting my kids’ possible fears in between contractions. I fuckin’ rock, and at one point I told myself that a few times in between contractions The pain could have easily been more than I could handle, but I kept myself in alignment with my goals, and I am so proud of myself for that. I know why I had the pain–the push of wanting to give birth (I’d been in labor long enough, I wanted it to be time, so I mentally was pushing it) and the pull of not being ready (that residual stuff I was talking about earlier combined with the fear of more of the pain I was experiencing).

So, the experience was VERY mental and VERY physical. It really did hurt so bad (some people may say “duh” when they read this, but my labor and birth with Kassidy did not hurt at all–in fact, when Kass’ head was half-way out of me, I turned to my mom and said, “This is not as bad as they said it was going to be.”–I REALLY had anticipated and realistically could have expected no pain), and with every contraction I was processing a new issue–I couldn’t seem to get out of my head! It was very frustrating, which added to the stress and compounded the pain… not a good combination. It was challenging doing all that mental work and physically processing, too, during every contraction. I had chunks of contractions where I was at peace and it showed. Some contractions hurt a lot more than others; some you’d never know outwardly that I was having a contraction because it was so dealable. It wasn’t always the intensity of the contraction that determined how I could handle it; oftentimes it was just how clear my head was, which was usually hard to duplicate, and I never knew what to expect with the next one nor what direction it would take. (No wonder, combined with lack of sleep, after she was born it felt like a dream and actually took days for reality to settle in–I’d used everything I had and had nothing on reserves!) Another reason I am impressed with myself is that even with how mentally and emotionally vulnerable I was, when I was trying to figure out why I felt like I wasn’t dilating that last bit, I had a moment where my mind suggested maybe she was transverse, but I was able to tune-in to my body and know that wasn’t true, feel my belly and prove it, and be reassured that it was safe to trust my body and our journey. I never worried (or really even questioned) whether I could do this or if something was wrong–I am impressed with that fact, now that I realize those were/are people’s biggest fears about freebirth. Some mamas have called me a birthing goddess–I am OH-so flattered by that!!!! But I am not a goddess (it was my aspiration with my spiritual Zen hopes)–I am a human, and I understand why they say the gods envy us. This experience was something very mortal, which made it as empowering and impactful as it was.

A couple months ago, I had a very premature “reflection” of my freebirth: Part of me wants to exclaim, “I did it! I did it! I did it!” Another part wants to say, “Of course you did.” It is a dichotomy I have been very much feeling since Najaia’s birth. Some times or days I feel like I am just a fuckin’ freebirthin’ rockin’ mama… and some times or days it has felt so common and normal. I guess the part that feels so exhilarating is contextual: being able to get past that fear and mistrust this society embeds in us. Some of the cool stuff is stuff I would have done regardless of my “assistance status”, like the work, the processing, the listening to my body for direction and position… but the parts that were uniquely freebirth, like not knowing at any time how dilated I was and not having someone to tell me when I “could” push–they feel SO empowering to me (I LOVE LOVE LOVE that I was able to just BE with those parts of my labor, even if at some times I thought it could have been easier if someone had been able to just tell me), and yet, in another society, in another era, in another life, isn’t that just normal? Although I totally see how any woman is capable of freebirth, I completely understand that it is not for everyone, especially with the norm in this country of not trusting oneself (or Mother Nature) and of relying on external experts (I have dubbed myself an “inpert” since my first draft of this birth story, btw . Freebirth is not something that I did–it’s a bright red screaming thread in a tapestry I am weaving for my family and generations to come, a legacy of self-trust that I want to live and embed in my children (especially my future-birthing daughters). Freebirth was not the fairy tale I had dreamed it would be–it was hard, it was challenging, it was do-able… and I feel strong(er) because of it.

Since Najaia’s birth, I have felt a calling toward really being a freebirth advocate, and I am doing it through raising awareness–I love telling people about it, love knowing that I am “living proof” that this is a real, viable option for women and something they may want to consider (not that they HAVE to, but that they can), and I hope that I can help make a difference in a woman’s birth experience by sharing this, the way some very special mamas made this a reality in my life by sharing with me.

For the past few weeks, I keep having this clip from a song from the movie Brother Bear stuck in my head: “This has to be the most beautiful, the most peaceful place, I’ve ever been to. It’s nothing like I’ve ever seen before… When I think about how far I’ve come, I can’t believe it…but I see it.” I woke up with that in my mind the early morning after Najaia’s birth, when I was looking at my 3 sleeping children in my bed. Wow… There were all these things that I had wondered about and looked forward to, during my pregnancy, and now they are happening, and it is just surreal. I am in awe, just stuck in the moment and in love with the big picture, thinking, “This is my life.” This is such a beautiful amazing adventure. It is a kind of peculiar relief that my family is complete–like now the real adventure begins! I have this darling little baby and my amazing toddler and my spunky pre-teen (she just informed us last night that this is what she is, at age 10). We are a rad family Life is good stuff. My body feels amazing–funny what “losing” 20+ pounds overnight does for one’s energy level and such. Noble and I went to the park yesterday (Najaia was in the sling I made for her the night before), and we just played and had fun, and I feel like I can be the mama I want to be now–now that I am not big pregnant in the middle of a heat wave. It feels like a whole new lease on life, though! I can get my house done, and I can get us out of the house to do things exciting! I am just so excited that I can finally participate in life, rather than be looking forward to it I feel like my body is my own, because I am not having anymore babies. I am grateful for all the parenting and sustainability research I did, because I am ready to live it. I gave birth to Najaia, but I feel like I gave new birth to me, too. I am on a freebirthin’ mama high!

Now the actual story:
My birth story actually starts years before. I had my daughter when I was 20, and I didn’t feel ready at that time to have a homebirth (honestly, I just hadn’t explored it enough, and couldn’t afford a midwife), but I knew that I wanted to have one later. With my son, we lived in an apartment, and I was afraid of the sound factor (if I knew how AMAZING a homebirth was, I wouldn’t have worried about that fact, but also, once again, we couldn’t have afforded a midwife). When I got pregnant with my 3rd and last child, I knew this had to be a homebirth…. but, again, I could not afford a midwife. I had heard of unassisted childbirth (UC), and although it felt like something I could embrace as a birth option, I just couldn’t imagine it for myself. However, when I found that I could not afford a midwife, a friend (celticreverie) mentioned it, and in explaining why I didn’t feel comfortable with it (mostly, that I needed someone to lean on during the birth, that I was not concerned about problems because I knew my body grew and birthed healthy babies), I realized that I was much more okay with it than I had originally thought. I started doing some research on it, and I realized the potential for empowerment that it held [in fact, anyone who has read The Continuum Concept–I just realized that it ended up feeling like I was fulfilling my “continuum” and continuing to develop healthfully–gawd, I wish I had done this sooner]. Not only did I find the empowerment aspect of it, but I first learned just how safe and responsible it was. In fact, I fully believe that it is the safest option for normal birth, because without some “expert” in the room, the mother assumes her rightful role as expert of her bosy and birth, and can fully atune herself to her body and her baby and their birth path. So, I planned an unassisted home birth in water for this birth. (I also had planned on having a waterbirth for both of my children and was unable to for whatever reason, so I was determined with this one to have my water.)

On Wednesday, September 2nd, I started feeling contractions, but I didn’t realize they were contractions (just that I felt pressure in my pelvis/cervix) until that night when I was posting something on CafeMom, titled “Not-quite Contractions”. I’d probably had about 10 of them throughout the day, but it was during that post that I decided to feel my belly and realized that it was rock-hard: a contraction! I texted my friend, Sandy (who I had met here on CafeMom about 2 years prior to this birth and my sister, who were both going to attend the birth, just to let them know I was aving contractions and would let them know in the morning how I felt. I went to sleep that night expecting to labor all the next day and give birth that night, like had happened with my previous birth. I felt the contractions through the night while I dreamt of being wrapped in the blessings and love of the mamas I have grown so close to, from the CafeMom “group” I started, The Radical Mamas’ Tribe–we call it the Tribe, and that is where/how I had met and knew Sandy (she had come down to visit a couple times before the birth).

I woke up the next morning (Thursday, Sept 3) still having contractions. They felt intense because there was an edge of pain in them (I think that was because they were inactive contractions), so I called Sandy and she began making the necessary arrangements to come down (it was a 3-hour drive). In the meantime, I called to check on the status of my pool I ordered over the weekend with the intention of birthing in. I had called Tuesday (the day I was supposed to have received it) and they had said it was shipped out, so I had intended to get the tracking number so I could contact Fed Ex and find out where it was to pick it up from them, but the company I ordered it from told me that it had not been shipped out yet, which meant there was NO way I was going to get it delivered that day. I became very upset and stressed out–a real mess. My contraction stalled and died down as I made arrangements and prepared for the 3 hour round-trip to go get it from their warehouse inland in the desert in the middle of a heat wave that was breaking records all over the county… ugh. We used the A/C, though, and it ended up being kind of a nice relief (I had been stressing about the kids bickering most of the day, and my brother volunteered to drive me to get the pool), but I can count on one hand how many times I had a contraction for the rest of the day and night. Sandy had shown up while we were off getting the pool, so we just took the rest of the day to enjoy each other’s company and have fun with the kids (she has a son a week younger than Noble, my 2 1/2 year old son). As the sun started to set and my conractions had not picked up, I was stating to feel very bad that I had called Sandy to come down too early, but she assured me that she was going to stay until the birth and that her husband back at home had told her the baby would not be born until the next week–SOOO not funny LOL Sandy was SO awesome–she spoiled Kass and I with home-grown sprouts (which Kass loved so much and Sandy later sent Kass a book on how to grow her own and a couple packages of starter packs!) and other raw and healthy foods She LOVES us and took such good care of us &lt;3 I cannot begin to describe the bond I feel toward this loving *sister* I am blessed to have in my life &lt;3 Our kids get adore each other, too &lt;3

So, Sandy had pumped up the pool so it would ready when we were, and that night my 10-year-old daughter, Kassidy, filled it with warm water while I posted my birth affirmations around the bathroom. When the pool was done, we climbed in together and talked about birth and just connected with each other. Kass asked if she could be in the pool when I birthed Najaia and if she could cut the cord (something I was really looking forward to doing, since I hadn’t gotten to with my first 2, but felt it was more important to give that gift to Kassidy), and of course I said yes. She asked me about one of my birth affirmations, “I am creating a legacy of childbirth”, and I had the honor of explaining what a legacy is and how I was starting one (since my own mother had been intervened with until they would not give her more time to birth naturally and then conned into repeat c-sections). [An amazing part about this extraordinary bonding experience was when I realized the next day that this WAS part of that legacy ]

The next morning (Friday, Sept 4), I woke up and felt 2 really great contractions. They didn’t have that pain-edge, and I realized that they were active and that the other ones had been inactive. I was SO excited about these contractions because I could feel that they were the real deal, that they were going to do the job for me, and as I continued to have thm throughout the day (albeit few &amp; far between), they gave me confidence in my pain-manageable birth–I was able to completely let go of my fear of pain completely (this was my biggest fear because Noble’s birth had been so painful, followed by my fear of my reservations of bringing a 3rd child into the world impacting the speed and progress of my birth, followed by my fear of people distracting me from focusing on my birth and me getting irritated and interrupting my flow, followed by my fear of pooping during pushing with my friend there and a video camera on it). By this point, my younger sister and I had talked and she realized she was not going to be able to come for the birth because of work and needing to sleep. It was just going to be me, Sandy, and the kids (my brother took off at first whiff of birth–he doesn’t handle his loved ones in pain very well at all and left when we got back with the pool to his friend’s place until the day after Najaia was born). Also, I had been losing my mucus plug for the past day or so, and I even had it on the last tissue I used befoe giving birth.

As the sun went down, the contractions had not progressed, and I was starting to stress about how anyone can give birth with a toddler (the distraction and responsibility). My house was a disaster, so I had straightened up my room then went downstairs and started doing some serious cleaning in the kitchen and living room, which REALLY kicked my contractions up. I went upstairs and nursed Noble to sleep, then cleaned my bathroom really good (I had taken the birth affirmations down earlier), emptied the pool that the boys had been playing in and out of all day, then took a shower and doned my birth garb (lol) of a white tank top and a sarrong and my BlessingWay necklace which had beena gift from my fellow Tribesisters, and then I relaxed in bed (maybe this was when I nursed Noble to sleep?). The contractions were coming really good and each contraction made me very happy I actualy even had a couple of contractions that were on the verge of being orgasmic, and I thought, “This is going to be great.” I went ahead and got up and started to re-prepare my birth shrine–I set up the birth affirmations (this time, I put one type on one wall and another type on another wall–can’t explain what the “types” were, just that there were different themes to them) and put the candles and my Gaia statue on the counter, then did a video for Najaia showing her my birth shrine, then tried to fill the pool but could not lift the heavy buckets, so I had to go wake Sandy and ask her if she could fill it (I felt bad waking her up, because it was just after midnight and the last of the kids had just fallen asleep and she had just laid down to rest her eyes, but she just jumped right up and gladly filled it). I laid back down in the bed, but it did NOT feel as comfortable this time. I struggled to get comfortable and just focus on allowing my contractions to come and open me up to birth my baby. I had my eyes closed and when I opened them I saw Sandy lighting the candles and turning off the lights She had asked me how warm I wanted the water, and we agreed she could fill it up most of the way and then once I got it, finish it off to my temperature needs (that heat wave had left me skeptical that I would want hot water). By the time I climbed in, heat sounded like it would feel good and I was having back pains (probably from all the cleaning, but I thought she was posterior, which she could have been), so Sandy poured the last few bucketfuls of hot water straight onto my back, which felt DIVINE!

In the water, I felt most comfortable sitting back on my heels with my knees spread far apart, and then I would lean forward onto my hands during a contraction and focus so much on opening up. My big thing was opening up–every visualization was about opening, and I also visualized her coming down through a turtleneck sweater (the cervix stretching). Sandy put on my CD (Ray Linch’s Deep Breakfast), and I just sat in my pool and *was* (irregular form of the verb “to be”) with my labor and impending birth. Sandy was sitting back updating our friends via Facebook with he iphone (which she had been doing since she got there and continued to do throughout the birth path). At one point during this time, I remember watching Sandy on the floor petting and just totally loving on my cat, Sabastian, who hadn’t come upstairs for weeks during the heat wave, but obviously knew something was going on–I remember watching how wonderful Sandy was with Bash and thinking I could not possibly love this woman any more than in this moment–boy, was I wrong!!! I really didn’t want to have back labor and I thought it was because she was posterior (Kass had been posterior, so I “knew” posterior baby meant back labor, and she had been posterior all through my third trimester), so Sandy rubbed some herbally-medicinal oil on my lower back, giving me a massage. I decided I wanted to get down on all fours and wiggle my butt my in the air to get her to turn so I could have a comfortable remaining labor, but since the kids were on my bed, I decided to use my brother’s (sorry, Ben LOL). I climbed up on all fours and started rolling my butt and hips around in circles, and it felt sooooooooooooo good. This was when I started having to vocalize. I ahd to go to the bathroom (which happened often), so I got up and went into my brother’s bathroom, but a contraction started (they were erratic and inconsistant through my whole labor–just like with Noble’s labor), so I just stood rolling my hips in a wide circle. As I was rolling my hips in circles, I imagined each circle sweeping around the edges of my cervix opening it wider and wider. It felt so good that after I left the bathroom, we set up the vinyl tablecloth on the floor with towels on it, and I did that and walked around in circles for quite a while. Sandy started videotaping, so we got a lot of footage of this time &lt;3

The vocalization at this point was low groans and “hah hah hah”s and “mah mah mah”s, and at this place in my labor, I was doing it as kind of a chanting affirmation: “I want this baby, I want this baby, I want this baby” sounded like “hah hah hah hah, hah hah hah hah, hah hah hah hah”. Sandy brought me a glass of ice for my water and a tuperware of freshly cut watermelon (my favorite food–she knew this &lt;3). She was so unobtrusive about it, too, just slipped in and made only enough sound to let me know what she had done so I could partake in it. I did the circles for a while, then went into the bathroom (my brother’s bathroom, as my toilet was inaccesable from the pool), where Bash followed me. It hurt so bad to even just try to sit down, and I had almost no breaks in between contractions, which were hurting soooo bad. I felt bad, but I was pushing Bash away–in the meantime, Sandy had come back upstairs and was looking for me (I saw this on the video LOL) and she found me and took Bash out of the room.

I went back in the room and climbed back into the tub (and wished the water could be a bit deeper so I could submerge my back). I was aware of few *times* (as in clock) during my labor, but I know it was around 4:40 when I felt like I was about 2 contractions away from being ready to push. We called a dear mutual friend of our’s from the Tribe, Stardove, who wanted to be on speakerphone when I pushed, and we woke Kass up. I had felt like I was so close to pushing, and maybe I had been, but once I was a coupe cntractions deeper I felt like I wasn’t completely-completely dilated because I didn’t feel open enough and when I tested pushing, it didn’t feel like I felt like it should. This was when the labor started to get painful and serious. Sometimes my legs were shaking, like they did when I was pushing with Noble (and probably Kass). Every contraction was a struggle between wanting to just give birth already and being afraid of having the new baby–I was having trouble surrendering, and also afraid of the pain if I surrendered because it was hurting so much already. So, for the next 2 ours-ish, I tried to visualize and complete opening up, as I rode through the very painful contractions and softly “hah hah hah” pushed when I felt compelled, to sustain me–sometimes my body felt compulsive about wanting to just clamp down and push, but the soft pushes satisfied that urge and didn’t hurt as bad as trying to actually push did. I was getting louder and louder with my vocalizations, but the boys were still sleeping not 5 feet away, so I couldn’t have been THAT loud. At one point I got very vocal and during a contraction I yelled at my cervix to open with a loud deep moan. For more depth on the mental stuff during this time, read “The Impact of Najaia’s Birth”.

As soon as Kass had woken up, I felt the need to not freak her out, to give her an experience she wouldn’t be afraid to repeat someday, so when she told me that it looked like it hurt, I explained that it was just hard work. that’s all. Also, I found myself being the comic relief at times, like once after a pretty intense “hah hah hah” contraction, I turned to Kass and said, “This is pretty funny stuff, huh?” We all laughed (even Stardove on the phone), but I couldn’t use that sound for a few more contractions, because I was afraid it would be funny and I would laugh which would hurt and I’d crack and lose it. This was also when I started feeling empowered. I was saying freebirth rocked and that I fuckin rocked I asked them to read some of the birth afirmations, and I was REALLY feeling one in particular (it was an excerpt from a poem by a fellow freebirthing sister, called, “I Am”): “the blood, the shit, the pain, the sweetness, the ecstasy, the glory” (from memory–hopefully I got them right and in the right order!). That one was SO profound for me (which I explain more of in my “Impact” part of this birth story). We videotaped part of this time, but realized we were running out of videotape, so we turned it off to save room for the actual birth. I also remember, during this time, searching my birth affirmations for some inspiration to help me through these contractions, but they were SO not applicable – hahaha. The pain felt like too much. Also, at one point, I kept feeling up inside of me to see if I could feel how dilated I was (I am SO uneducated on this–didn’t even know what was my cervix! so that didn’t help) or if I could feel the head, but I couldn’t. Se I rested my hand at the opening of my yoni and welcomed my baby to come down. I kept saying, “I welcome you.” I think it was around this time that I started to realize how contrary I was actually feeling to this, that I was actually still quite scared of bringing her into the world, so I tried to process this and work through it so I could very much welcome her into the world.

Around 6am, I was having a contraction when Sandy and I heard Kass say, “Hi, Nobi.” I freaked out in the middle of that contraction and was starting to really stress, but Kass was a PRO with him! In fact, I found peace again through chanting, “He’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine” with “hah hah, hah hah, hah hah”s, and those were some of my easiest contractions to ride. Noble’s presence REALLY required me to “rise to the parenting occasion” to not freak him out. I smiled a lot during contractions and was very affectionate and told him I was having his baby sister (he watched birth videos with us, so I figured he knew what I meant) and invited him to join in on my “hah hah hah”s or “heh heh heh”s or whatever vowel fit. At one point during a contraction, Noble turned the volume knob on the music up REALLY loud and I couldn’t help but yelp loudly in surprise and pain (my poor ears, and my poor contraction)–he ran off down the hall and was crying My poor little dude &lt;3 That was tied for “worst contraction” with the second half of the one when Noble woke up. I was alright, though… we all were. When I got up again to stand and roll my hips in circles (I was getting desperate for my cervix to finish opening, so I could birth already), I asked him if he wanted to dance with me.

I can’t remember if I got back into the pool again and was just so miserable, but I hit a point where I was tired of the painful contractions and just wanted to be done. I climbed up on the bed and did the all-fours booty wiggle, begging the baby to roll over. Noble climbed up onto the bed next to me wanting to nurse! Then I got back into the pool, and either shortly after or immediately decided to start pushing. Part of me felt like I wasn’t all the way dilated, but a bigger part felt like I was far enough and didn’t care at that point. The first couple pushes HURT (I was probably forcing the last of my cervix to open or get out of the way), but the pushing felt GREAT and soooooo right (after those first couple). Around this time, Sandy’s son, Eli, woke up, and so the boys were off playing, requiring Sandy and often Kassidy, so I was mostly pushing alone. It took a few contractions before I felt the head move down into the birth canal, and I yelled, “Head!” Sandy and Kass came running over and I think I told them it wasn’t out yet, that I had just felt it inside of me (the reason I say I “think” is because Stardove did not hear me say anything–she thought the head was out and panicked a bit when she wasn’t born in the next couple minutes… Yes, Stardove had remained on the phone for the whole 2 hours!!!!!). Pushing is the best part of labor–you can do something with the energy inside of you (channel it), the time in-between contractions is a real break, and it means it is almost time to hold your baby! Also, for me, it meant being totally out of my head (I had been mentally processing stuff I can’t quite put into words with each contraction–more details in my “Impact” part).

During this time, I kept feeling for the baby’s head, and the first time I felt it was absolutely amazing!!!! I called for Sandy and Kass, and Sandy went to get the camera. Kass was standing there smiling so big. I couldn’t take my hands off her head–I felt something on it and was trying to figure out what it was… “HAIR! She has hair! Oh my god, she has a LOT of hair!!!” Kass got very excited about this, and I asked if she wanted to feel. She looked at the condition of the water (remember my fear about pooping in the water, well I got over that fear fast) and said she would wait–hahaha. I couldn’t stop feeling the baby’s hair It was time to push again, and Sandy was there with the camera. Kass was trying to work the video camera (Sandy helped her set it up). It was still pretty dark in the enclosed bathroom and Kass was telling Sandy to take more pics because the flash helped the videocamera to see. I pushed hard to get the head out, and I was rubbing and stretching out my yoni so that I wouldn’t tear. It seemed like I sat there for a long time with the head out–Sandy was taking a ton of pics. And then it was time to push again, and I pushed HARD to get the body out. She floated up face-down. I caught her, turned her over, and pulled her up to me. She was born at 7:01am.

[The afterbirth parts may be slightly out of order.] As soon as I looked in her eyes, I thought how gorgeous they were and the name Kadara jumped out at me, but I pushed it away because I don’t want it to be her first name, but her middle–this all took a split second. I was immediately amazed with how beautiful she was (funny how amazing it is to finally see what she looks like after wondering for so long, you know?). We called for Noble and told him that he had a baby sister–he wanted to climb into the pool with me, and I did’t deny him. I kept commenting on the fact that she had so much hair. Kass was amazed by the birth and said something like, “You just had a baby, and all you can talk about is her having hair?” (Both my babies were bald, so this was amazing to me!) Noble had taken off his diaper and climbed into the pool, and Kass was crying in amazement, saying this was the happiest she had ever been in her life. Someone handed me the blanket I had set aside to wrap her in, and I remmbered we needed to sterilize the scissors to cut the cord, so I asked Sandy if she wouldn’t mind doing that. Noble and I marvelled at her up close, and Kass from a short distance. I told Noble that she came out of my yoni, and a little bit later he asked if we could put her back–it was so funny because that is such a typical older sibling question, even if he meant it more factually than that he was sick of her and wanted her to go back now.

I was having some cramps and the urge to push, but when I pushed the cord was still going up inside of me. I pushed about 3 times. I asked Sandy to call a fellow freebirthing friend of our’s from the Tribe, because I thought it was the placenta coming out in pieces, and so I wanted some ideas from her as to what I could do to make sure and get all of the pieces out (I was not worried about it being in pieces, because it was only a problem if all the pieces didn’t come out), especially the piece where the cord was attached! Kim suggested that it wasn’t the placenta coming out in pieces but blood clots–they were VERY large blood clots and lots of them, but they came out. Sandy and Kim somehow got disconnected, but I was okay. I laid in the pool with Najaia for ahile waiting for the placenta to come out and dozing off between those painful freakin afterpains–it hurt to try to sit up, so we just laid there and rested. At some point, we called my mom to tell her the baby was born. At about 8:00, we decided to go ahead and cut the cord. We tied it off with a string MB (a fellow Tribesister) had sent for another purpose for Najaia, but I hadn’t gotten it in time, and then Sandy shielded Najaia’s skin while Kass cut the cord At this point, I was ready to get out of the water.

Kass grabbed a new, dry blanket for the baby, and I handed Najaia to Kass, who had wanted to be the second one to hold her, while I climbed into the shower. Once in the shower, I gave a tiny push and the placenta fell out. Kass got me a bag to put it in. I washed up in the shower, got out and got dressed, and climbed into bed. Sandy was holding the baby, so I took the opportunity to nurse Noble, who fell asleep immediately. I then scooted Noble over, got Najaia back from Sandy, and nursed her. We both dozed off for a few minutes. My mom showed up with delicious food for everyone. Life felt unreal at that point–between the lack of sleep, hard work, adrenaline and hormones and goodness-knows what else…
I can’t remember the details of the rest of the day, but I was awake for most of the day during visits and also slept during some of those same visits. I cannot begin to express how supported I was during this birth and shortly thereafter (in no particular order, except the first 2):

Sandy, foremost, who put her life on hold, drove 3 hours to me, pampered me with amazing food and even better companionship &lt;3, and was prepared to keep her life on hold and patiently wait for Najaia’s birth. She was the perfect birth companion–completely unobtrusive, perfectly responsive, helpful in all the right ways, and documented most of the labor and got the most amazing pics of the delivery and afterward. She emptied the tub and tidied up and brought me some laundry soap. Even though she was EXHAUSTED, she waited until Annette came before she left. She is beyond amazing! Every moment I just kept thinking, I love you more than I did a moment ago &lt;3 My mom used to ask us, when we were kids, “Have I told you recently how much I love you?” Every time I was overwhelmed with love and thankfulness for her, I asked her this (even after she had left and I couldn’t stop thinking about her).

Kass ROCKS! She was so amazing to bond with during this time, and I am SO grateful at how voluntarily helpful she was (filling the tub, helping with Noble when I woke up, holding the baby whenever I needed to get up and do something).

Stardove stayed on the phone for over 2 hours listening to my birth experience. She also kept the Tribe updated on the details for days, by stalking Sandy’s Facebook account. During those days, she was so excited that she attached her laptop to her hip, stayed up until she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore, and waited with baited breath &lt;3

Many Tribesisters were stalking the posts, sending Blessings and energy through various forms, and pasted poems for her birth &lt;3 So much love &lt;3

Karina got me the gas cards so I could go get my pool and a card signed by loved ones at my old school (even went to 3 different stores to find a card with a mixed baby on it), and came over the day of her birth and helped and stuck around and talked &lt;3

My mom brought us all crepes for breakfast (along with food for the fridge for later) and posted a very sweet status message on MySpace about having an abnormally darling new granddaughter.

My sister came over and brought food for us to eat later and yummies for the time Her boyfriend took Noble outside to play for a while, so he could get some energy out and fresh air and such.

Annette came over for a few hours, and we talked for a little while, and then I got some rest.

It was amazing…..


A Few Pics From Last Week

Whilst (I just love that word — it may be a recent favorite :)) blogging my heart out this week, I managed to not post these pics on here last week, so I thought’ I’d share now :)) Ah, the moments of our life :))

My oldest daughter is now the proud owner of a mohawk.
My baby attended a masquerade ball in our bathroom…
…with Wolverine (who came as Spiderman)
I ran to the store early in the morning and came home to this… MELT MY HEART!
And we had so much fun at the park :))


A Day of Love

There are many perspectives on Valentine’s Day, and I’ve shared any of them at some point in life. Currently, I look for opportunities to celebrate life, and I welcome opportunities to remember the importance of connecting with loved ones. I took this Valentine’s Day more seriously than any other I have lived through :) In fact, I am declaring this Love Week in our home. We are celebrating 7 days of love. Yesterday was the big day for me to share with my children how much I love them, and I am taking one person from my life who I love deeply and want to connect with, and reaching out to them each day of this week.

I had a theme for my love gift to my daughter: self-love. I had the great idea of writing love letters to ourselves, and I had a great little “celebrate self” idea (write an adjective on a small post-it-note and stick them on the mirror she looks at herself in, in a heart shape). I went a little wild with making her bathroom a self-lovin’ shrine:

This one is a quote from this song that goes along the whole top of the room!

After her special valentine, I made some envelop-shaped goodie bags for the kids:

Then we went to the beach and hung out with a dear family from our radical unschooling group:

When did she suddenly become so grown and beautiful?

“wild child”, for Kassidy from her friend :))

Free Birth

In honor of my baby’s first birthday, and the 1 year anniverary of my free birth, I am going to share a lot of information on free birth…

Birth is one of my biggest passions in life. Please feel free to read my unassisted birth story, but beware it is raw and real :)) After prepping for and experiencing my unassisted birth, I plan to someday be a laymidwife, or a hands-on birth advocate of some kind — details for a later post. For now, lemme share some info I have collected and stuff I have written on free birth for the past 2 years.

What is free birth?

Good news: I think you get to decide for yourself! Many people have opinions on what it means to and what “qualifies” as a “free birth”, ranging in interventions and hinderances and plans and outcomes and attendees. My idea of a free birth is one where unassisted birth is a valid foundation and then the mother builds upon that with choices that tailor her pregnancy and birth. This is my definition — please feel free to formulate your own if mine doesn’t do it for you ;)

I think it is important, like in other areas of life, to question one’s fears to see how much they are making the decisions, which is why I find unassisted birth information important. Not only is it possible for any of us to have an unassisted birth (regardless of our plans, so it might be beneficial to be prepared), but the philosophies are focused on eliminating dependency on fear of childbirth, interventions, and “expert” attendants – then the mom can make true choices. One thing I learned from researching unassisted birth is that WE are the experts. Research and people holding degrees can prove or disprove a theory or bit of information over and over – listen to your insides and see what feel right to you. It is a precarious situation one finds themself in when they are both trusting themself and questioning their assumptions, but therein lies the answers you are looking for :)

Without further adoo (or however it is spelled), here is the info on unassisted birth. Believe it or not, this is just a smidge of what I read — just Unassisted Childbirth 101. It is a compilation of information I found most pertinant, while I was doing my researching during my pregnancy. Happy reading!:

I cut and pasted this from another venue. If a link doesn’t work, let me know, and I will correct it.

The Truth About Birth
I enjoy giving birth. I find it exhilarating and exciting, sexual and spiritual, magical and miraculous! It is POWER in its purest form, and for me, it is the ultimate creative act.

I prefer to give birth either alone, or with my husband and children. All four of our children have been born this way. David caught the first one, and I caught the other three. To those who have been raised in a culture that views birth as inherently dangerous and painful, this may sound like absolute insanity. There was a time when I would have agreed, but that was before I knew the truth about birth.

It was English physician and writer, Grantly Dick-Read, who first opened my eyes to the safety and beauty of birth. Dick-Read, who wrote and practiced in the first half of the twentieth century, is widely credited with being one of the fathers of natural childbirth. Simply stated, Dick-Read believed there is a loving, intelligent consciousness that is behind and within all life. This consciousness knows how to grow a baby inside of us. We don’t have to consciously “assist” it, figuring out how to grow fingers and toes, eyes and ears. We simply have to trust that as long as we get fresh air and exercise, shelter and food, the fertilized egg within us will grow into a human being. And because nature or God is efficient – it completes what it starts – that same reasoning can be applied to the act of birth.

In other words, we are not suddenly abandoned at the end of our pregnancy. There is literally a birth “response” that propels our babies from womb to world with very little conscious effort on our part. The problem is, there is something even more powerful than the birth response, something that can override it entirely. That something is known as the fight/flight response.
Dick-Read explained it in this way: when a woman is in a state of fear, messages are sent to the body telling it there is a danger out there that must be fought or run away from. Blood and oxygen are instantly sent into the arms and legs enabling the frightened woman to fight the danger or run away. In order for this to happen, however, blood and oxygen must be drained from other organs which the body considers nonessential for fight or flight. This is why we turn white when we’re afraid. The body assumes that our leg muscles need blood and oxygen more than our face does.

Unfortunately, when it comes to fight or flight, the uterus is considered a nonessential organ. According to Dick-Read, the uterus of a frightened woman in labor is literally white. Because it is deprived of “fuel” – blood and oxygen – it cannot function correctly, nor can waste products be properly carried away. Hence, the laboring woman experiences not only pain, but a multitude of problems. The solution, he believed, was twofold: not only do women need to stop being afraid, but doctors need to stop interfering in the process. Laboring women do not need to be poked, prodded, and drugged. Instead, they need to be calmly encouraged, or simply left alone so their bodies may work unhindered.

Animals intuitively understand this concept. This is why they seek seclusion in labor. They “know” that when a birth is interfered with, the labor may stop or the baby may die. This is as true for domesticated animals as it is for animals in the wild. Purina’s Handbook of Cat Care advises owners to pet the laboring cat

reassuringly and leave her on her own. She may stay in the box; on the other hand, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t. The best thing to do at this point is to do nothing. Keep quiet and do not attempt to help her – it’s her problem. Mother nature usually takes over at this point and it is amazing to see how she goes about doing what comes naturally.

Unfortunately, this book is not on the required reading list in most medical schools! Doctors are taught to intervene in birth, and intervene they do.

Why Choose an Unassisted Childbirth?
Many women who support home birth have asked me why I and other unassisted birthers object to having a midwife at our births “just in case.” Modern physics has proven that the very act of observing something changes it. Birth is essentially an emotional/spiritual/sexual act. And just as most couples would find it hard to relax and have sex with others in the room, many of them feel the same way about birth. Actually, some couples do choose to have sex in labor. When a woman is sexually stimulated, oxytocin pours through her system, stimulating the contractions. Pitocin, which is often administered in the hospital to speed up contractions, is artificial oxytocin.

Not only, however, do some couples find the presence of a midwife or doctor inhibiting, they also find it unnecessary. Women’s bodies were designed to give birth. When a woman is physically and psychologically healthy (free from fear, shame, and guilt), babies can often be born easily. As Grantly Dick-Read, author of Childbirth without Fear writes, “If left alone in labor, the body of a woman produces most easily the baby that is not interfered with by its mother’s mind or the assistant’s hand. If left alone, just courage and patience are required. Faith, if she is a believer, is the secret to having a healthy baby and being a happy mother.”
Some women actually prefer to give birth completely alone. Of course, most of them would say they weren’t alone – God, their innerself, or the larger consciousness, was with them, guiding them each step of the way.
Unassisted childbirth is empowering for the woman, her partner, and her baby. Women who have given birth with little or no assistance often describe it as the most fulfilling experience of their lives. With no one around to tell them what to do, when to push, or which position to be in, many women find they know how to give birth.

Unassisted childbirth is free!

Although some women find the presence of midwives or doctors comforting, others find it inhibiting. It is up to each one of us to decide for ourselves who we want to be with us in birth.

Is Unassisted Childbirth Safe?
One of the greatest myths perpetuated by the medical system is that hospitals are the safest place to give birth. Stories abound of women dying in childbirth before the advent of modern hospitals. And yet, few people realize that women were not dying due to the fact that childbirth is inherently dangerous, but rather because of the living conditions at that time. Poor women were generally underfed and overworked during pregnancy, while wealthy women were often deprived of fresh air and sunshine because brown skin was considered socially unacceptable. Wealthy girls were corsetted from the age of eleven, so that by the time they turned fourteen, their pelvises were literally deformed. These physical factors, combined with various psychological ones (fear, shame, and guilt) led to the problems that some women encountered.

Throughout history, normal, healthy women have rarely died in childbirth. In fact, when birth moved from the home to the hospital in the 1920s, the infant and maternal mortality rates actually rose. A major study done as early as 1933 showed that hospital births were not as safe as home births. Studies done in the last twenty years, prove this is still the case. (Mayer Eisenstein, MD, The Home Court Advantage, 1988.)

When a laboring woman goes into the modern-day hospital, she is surrounded by medical personnel and machinery. Often she is told what to eat (generally nothing), what position to be in (generally flat on her back, which narrows the pelvic outlet and prevents her from utilizing the natural gravitational force), and when and when not to push (which interferes with her own instinctive knowledge of birth). Her progress is charted and measured and she is treated more like a machine than a thinking, feeling, intelligent adult.

If her labor is not progressing at the speed at which the hospital has arbitrarily decided it should be, she is often given drugs to speed things up. The drugs, however, may make her contractions more painful, which in turn, cause her to take more medication to deal with the pain. Not only does this medication prevent her from fully participating in the birthing process, it also crosses the placenta, adversely affecting her unborn baby.
Sometimes a woman’s body simply shuts down after all this intervention, and the woman is told she needs a cesarean section in order for her baby to be born safely. Unaware that the intervention she received actually caused the “complications” in the first place, she often consents “for the good of the baby.” Nearly one in four babies in this country are now born by cesarean section.

Many women who have given birth in the hospital report dissatisfaction not only with the way they were treated, but with the way their babies were treated as well. Babies are often taken away from their mothers immediately after birth to be weighed, measured, tested and cleaned. Eye drops are administered “just in case” a mother has a venereal disease, and Vitamin K is administered because babies are supposedly born “deficient.”

When a woman gives birth at home, she is free to eat what she wants, assume any position she wants, and push or not push depending on how she feels. When no one is telling her what to do, she is able to “tune in” and listen to “the still, small voice within.” The same loving consciousness that knew how to grow her baby inside her perfectly, knows how to get her baby out safely and easily, if only she will let it. With no one shouting commands at her, a woman is free to relax, and naturally birth her baby. After the birth, there is no one there to separate her from her baby. She can hold and nurse him as long as she wishes. Women all over the world are rediscovering the fact that birth works best when it is interfered with least.

In the past several years I have received hundreds of stories from women and couples who have successfully given birth without medical assistance. Their stories speak for themselves. No one, however, regardless of their “expertise,” can guarantee that a baby will be born safely. Some babies die. It’s simply nature’s way.
http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com (Laura Shanley)

Changing Fear/Tension/Pain into Faith/Relaxation/Pleasure
by Laura Shanley
Giving birth in a culture that continually depicts labor as painful and dangerous is a feat in itself these days. Everywhere we look we’re shown images of women screaming while giving birth, and masked doctors heroically saving the day. TV medical dramas abound with women being rushed into operating rooms for emergency C-sections, and sit-coms are notorious for showing laboring women bitching at their guilt-ridden husbands for making them endure the “trials of labor.” Nowhere is birth depicted as a pleasurable experience. It’s no wonder that most women fear it.

Some women, in fact, are so afraid of birth that they literally can’t conceive. I spoke with a doctor recently who told me that she was infertile. “My husband and I have had numerous tests and there is absolutely nothing wrong with us physically,” she said, “but I’ve always been terrified of giving birth. I’ve known since I was a child that I was never going to give birth. Do you think my fear has actually kept me from conceiving?”

I’ve spoken with other women who have been able to conceive but unable to give birth vaginally. They too have wondered what role fear played in their experiences.

Still others have given birth vaginally but endured a great deal of pain. One woman said to me, “My sisters and I were all C-section babies. For me, it was a triumph just to give birth vaginally. Maybe next time I’ll be able to eliminate the pain.”
So, as much as some women may criticize me for saying that one way of giving birth is more desirable than another, or that there are goals to strive for in birth, I truly believe there are. And the goal I’ve chosen to strive for is a painless, drug-free, medically unassisted home birth.

Red flags go up – even among unassisted birthers – when I talk about painless birth. Most women have pain in labor and they’re defensive if I say that birth doesn’t have to hurt. Some women feel that I’m “blaming” them for their pain, but that certainly isn’t my intention. Given the culture that most of us have been raised in, pain, unfortunately, is actually to be expected in most cases.

However, I don’t see birth as inherently painful, and I know there will come a time when labor will be enjoyed rather than endured. But before that can occur, there must be a change in the consciousness of humanity, and ultimately that change has to start with the individual.

If we truly wish to experience a painless birth, it helps to know a little about the nature of pain, including its function and cause. Pain is a sign telling us that something is wrong. It doesn’t happen indiscriminately. It only occurs when we’re doing something we shouldn’t be doing. The pain is a message telling us to stop.

In the case of a laboring woman, it is obviously not a message to stop laboring. What then, could the pain be telling us? According to Grantly Dick-Read, author of Childbirth without Fear, fear is the source of pain in labor. No other natural bodily function is painful, he writes, and childbirth should not be the exception.

When a person is afraid, messages are sent to the body telling it there is a danger out there that must be fought or run away from. Blood and oxygen are instantly sent into the muscle structure, enabling the frightened person to strike out or run. But the extra blood and oxygen must come from somewhere, so the body drains it from organs it considers nonessential for “flight or fight.” This is why people turn white when they’re afraid. The body knows that the arms and legs need that blood and oxygen more than the face does.

Unfortunately, the body considers the uterus a nonessential organ when it comes to flight or fight. According to Dick-Read, the uterus of a frightened woman in labor is literally white. It doesn’t have the fuel it needs so it cannot function the way it was designed to, nor can waste products be properly carried away. Consequently, there is pain. So, to eliminate the pain we must eliminate the fear.

Of course, sometimes that’s easier said than done. Fear runs deep in our culture and many of us could spend a lifetime (or two) purging ourselves of the fear we’ve developed. Even the most “enlightened” people have had childhoods that weren’t perfect. And even a child who is raised by fearless parents, still has to live in a culture that is constantly emphasizing the “dangers” of being alive. I’m reminded of a statement made by the late Eric Sevareid. “The biggest big business in America,” he said “is not steel, automobiles, or television. It is the manufacture, refinement and distribution of anxiety.”

And yet, eliminating fear is not impossible, for there is something that is much more powerful than the most all-consuming fear – FAITH. Faith is believing that all is well. Faith is knowing that we’re not alone in the universe. Faith is understanding that the consciousness that created us does not want us to suffer in birth or in life. Faith is trusting that our bodies were designed to give birth safely and painlessly. Faith is accepting the fact that we are the creators of our lives and our births.

Faith is not the opposite of reason. Having faith does not mean that we sit back and do nothing during our pregnancy. When we have faith, we understand the psychological origins for the majority of pain and problems most women encounter in labor and we do our best to face and conquer our fears. We don’t run to “specialists” for “blood work” or urine tests or vitamins, for we know that with good food (neither too much, nor too little), fresh air, exercise, and the proper beliefs, our babies will thrive.
Having faith is the first step towards eliminating the fear/tension/pain cycle that most women experience in labor, for faith leads to relaxation, and relaxation leads to pleasure.

There is no doubt that the energy of birth is powerful. But its power can be like the wind that scatters the seeds of the willow tree, or a sunrise that bathes the sky in a beautiful yellow light. This is my vision of birth. Someday, I know the rest of the world will share it with me.

Pasted from http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/inspired/faith.html

The Importance of Relaxation
by Grantly Dick-Read, M.D.
Excerpted from Childbirth Without Fear
Any stress to the mother stimulates the adrenal glands to pour out catecholemines. As a result, muscle sphincters tighten down making uterine contractions less effective and sending blood away from the uterus to the arms and legs preparing the body for fight or flight. All of this prevents an adequate supply of oxygen to the big contracting muscle – the uterus.
There are three muscle layers composing the uterus. The outer muscles contract to push the baby down, through, and ultimately out of the uterus. The middle muscles contract to squeeze the blood out of the walls of the uterus and then relax to allow the blood vessels to fill up again with a fresh supply of blood.

But when the inner circular muscles contract they close the outlet, maintaining the uterus in its unemptied shape. Thus, these inner circular muscles must be loose and relaxed when the long muscles contract to open the womb and push the baby out.
If a woman is frightened during labor this inner muscle layer contracts, then the muscles of the uterus and the muscles that hold it closed are working against each other.

Whenever there are two big groups of muscles working against each other they soon begin to hurt and in a short time the pain becomes very severe. We speak of this as the fear-tension-pain-syndrome of childbirth. A woman who is afraid and unconsciously resisting the birth of her baby tightens the circular uterine fibers which prevents the progress of the birth and increases muscle tension within the walls of the uterus. This causes nearly all of the pains and distresses in otherwise normal labor – which describes the labor of about ninety-five women out of a hundred.
Reprinted from Midwifery TodayE-News (Vol.1 Issue 15, Apr 9, 1999)

Pasted from http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/inspired/grantly.htm

Excerpts from
“The Epidural Express: Real Reasons Not to Jump On Board”
by Nancy Griffin
(Mothering, Spring 1997)
The main cause of pain in a normal childbirth is . . . the ‘Fear-Tension-Pain Syndrome.’ . . . [O]ur biology provides us with powerful instincts during birth. The first is the need to feel safe and protected. All mammals will instinctively seek out a dark, secluded, quiet, and, most of all, safe place in which to give birth. While birthing, mammals give the appearance of sleep and closed eyes to fool would-be predators, and they breathe normally. Some (those who don’t perspire) will pant in order to cool down, but humans will most easily achieve a relaxed state through closed eyes and abdominal breathing. This relaxation slows down the birthing mother’s brain waves into what is called an alpha state, a state in which it is virtually impossible to release adrenaline, the “fight-flight” hormone. Physical comfort becomes critical, along with the need to have a “nest” ready for the baby. Hospital environments often unintentionally disrupt the birthing atmosphere by introducing bright lights, lots of people, noise, and fear-inducing exams and machines.

The uterine muscles are beautifully designed to deal quite effectively with danger, fear, and stress in labor. The uterus is the only muscle in the body that contains within itself two opposing muscle groups–one to induce and continue labor and another to stop labor if the birthing mother is in danger or afraid. Emotional or physical stress will automatically signal danger to a birthing mammal. Her labor will slow down or stop completely so that she can run to safety. In modern times, this goes haywire. We can’t run from our fears–which may include the “horror story” our best friend told us about her birth–or even from our hospital or physician. Instead, we may release adrenaline, which causes the short, circular muscle fibers in the lower third of the uterus to contract. These muscles are responsible for stopping labor by closing and tightening the cervix. The result is that we literally “stew” in our own adrenaline. At the same time that the long, straight muscle fibers of the uterus are contracting to efface and dilate the cervix, the short, circular muscle fibers of the lower uterus are also contracting to keep the cervix closed and “fight” the labor. The result? The very real pain of two powerful muscles pulling in opposite directions each time the birthing mother has a contraction.

By learning to deeply relax mentally, physically, and emotionally; actively dealing with fears about birth; and choosing a birthing environment that feels safe and protective, birthing women will not have to experience the traumatic pain caused by the ‘Fear-Tension-Pain Syndrome.’

Pasted from http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/ucstories/griffin.html

I Believe…..
That birth is inherently safe. The same loving, intelligent consciousness (All That Is, Goddess, God, Nature) that knows how to grow an egg and a sperm into a human being, knows how to get it out. Our job is simply to relax and trust. Birth is not a function of the conscious mind any more than digestion is.
I Believe…..
That the problems women sometimes encounter in birth can be traced to three main causes:
Poverty – lack of food and poor living conditions

Outside interference – doctors and sometimes midwives poking, prodding, testing, drugging, cutting, etc.

Inside interference – primarily fear which triggers the fight/flight response and shuts down labor, but also shame and guilt
When these factors are eliminated, most women can give birth easily, either alone or with friends and family.
I Believe…..
That our bodies and our babies are responsive to our thoughts. The best way to ensure a good pregnancy and birth is to think positively, face and overcome our fears, and believe in our own abilities.
http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com

purebirth-australia.com
A Different Mindset
Unassisted Pregnancy & Childbirth is a totally different mindset to the current views our Westernised culture has on pregnancy and childbirth. Here’s a closer look at the freebirthing mindset.
Natural Body Function
Pregnancy and childbirth are a natural function of the woman’s body. Other natural body functions involve breathing, bowel movements, eating etc and we can consciously control them or do them without thought or control.
We do not think about breathing all the time, we just do it. We don’t concern ourselves over whether or not we will successfully be able to eliminate our wastes, we just do it as we need to do it.
We expect our bodies to work as they were meant to. We expect our bodily functions to be successful as a matter of course. We don’t “hope” for success, we just expect it. And for the majority of time, we don’t have any issues.
Childbirth is no different. When it is time, we will give birth. There is all there is to it. We trust that childbirth is a natural body function. We trust that it will be fine, and if it is one of those rare times where it isn’t, we will seek assistance just like we would if we ran into trouble with one of our other body functions.
Mother is the Primary Expert & Authority
Without other sources of authority or qualified experts present, the mother becomes the primary expert where her body, birth and child are concerned. This is how it should be – women need to know they can look to themselves and do the necessary things as becomes necessary. No more, no less.
For some this is a leap of faith. For others this is simply freedom to access their intuitive powers and knowledge without having to fight for it, explain or justify their decisions or actions.
Many freebirthers want and demand to be the sole authority present at their births and the full responsibility and accountability that comes with this freedom. To most this is preferable over the illusion of shared responsibility with a caregiver that will never suffer the real consequences of a bad decision.
True Natural Physiological Birth
To have a truly natural and physiological childbirth, a woman must be truly unhindered, uninhibited and free to go with the flow of her birthing energies. It is next to impossible to have a birth that has no interventions or influences (internal or external) in the medical model of childbirth – and that includes homebirth with a midwife.
Freebirthers believe in natural physiological birth and that birth was designed to work. If childbirth was so fraught with risk and complications that nature could not resolve in the natural process of birth then reproduction would come to a screaming halt. Humans as a species would have died out by now if our reproduction was intrinsically flawed.
Interference with the physiological process of childbirth is what causes so many complications seen in childbirth in the westernised world. Is it really a wonder why so many people are ingrained with the sense that childbirth is risky and a “what if” is most likely to occur? Luck has nothing to do with a body function being successful.
Safest Birthing Option
Most freebirthers believe that unassisted childbirth is the safest possible option for birth. Homebirth has consistently been proven to be safer than hospital or birth centre birth. It is not much more of a stretch to see how freebirth can be safer than homebirth with a midwife as the mother will look to herself for information about what is happening first, rather than rely on a midwife that only has external signs to go by.
Positive & Most Responsible Option
Free pregnancies and births are usually very positive experiences as the mindset of freebirthers tend towards the confidently positive rather than negativity or doubt. This strongly and positively influences women’s birthing experiences.
As for responsibility, it is the most responsible thing a woman can do. Every pregnant woman should be prepared for the chance of freebirth. She may not make it to hospital in time. Her midwife may not make it to her home in time. She may be stuck somewhere without assistance to birth. Freebirth preparation is the ultimate birth preparation and responsibility regardless of which choice women end up taking for their birth.
Pasted from http://www.purebirth-australia.com/pregnancy/freebirth-mindset.html

Trusting in Birth
Childbirth is a normal, physiological process – a natural function of the female human body. Other normal physiological functions include sleeping, eating, taking a crap, breathing, etc.

All those other processes could be considered risky – for example, everytime you eat, you run the risk of choking to death on something, or falling ill from the food. But for the majority of the time, for the majority of us, we are able to eat without falling sick nor choking.

Take eating… We don’t take any preventive “just in case” measures everytime we eat. We simply eat without thinking about it, assuming that we will be fine.

So, why do we have problems trusting in the birth process, and that everything will be fine? Its different for each person, and to work through it, you need to know your own “why’s” and “becauses”.

Trust in birth. There is only one thing vital to the birthing process and that is a mother giving birth. Everything else is just decoration.

The true journey and progress is made within each individual mother and with each of her unique pregnancies and births. This is something only the woman giving birth can do, not anyone else and it would be arrogant to think that a birthing woman can’t do what she is already instinctively doing without support or assistance.

There is nothing to fear in birth. One should not be fearing complications, pain, inability to birth, intervention, unwanted presences, etc yet a lot of women have something to fear and that hinders the birthing process.
Women who freely choose to have a freebirth, often have worked out their issues beforehand and are left with a deep trust in birth and themselves.

Trust in it like you would in your ability to eat and your body’s ability to eat and process the food.

To give birth is to complete the cycle of creating a life, and it should be as sacred as the act of creating it.

A Different Mindset
Unassisted Pregnancy & Childbirth is a totally different mindset to the current views our Westernised culture has on pregnancy and childbirth. Here’s a closer look at the freebirthing mindset.
Natural Body Function
Pregnancy and childbirth are a natural function of the woman’s body. Other natural body functions involve breathing, bowel movements, eating etc and we can consciously control them or do them without thought or control.
We do not think about breathing all the time, we just do it. We don’t concern ourselves over whether or not we will successfully be able to eliminate our wastes, we just do it as we need to do it.
We expect our bodies to work as they were meant to. We expect our bodily functions to be successful as a matter of course. We don’t “hope” for success, we just expect it. And for the majority of time, we don’t have any issues.
Childbirth is no different. When it is time, we will give birth. There is all there is to it. We trust that childbirth is a natural body function. We trust that it will be fine, and if it is one of those rare times where it isn’t, we will seek assistance just like we would if we ran into trouble with one of our other body functions.
Mother is the Primary Expert & Authority
Without other sources of authority or qualified experts present, the mother becomes the primary expert where her body, birth and child are concerned. This is how it should be – women need to know they can look to themselves and do the necessary things as becomes necessary. No more, no less.
For some this is a leap of faith. For others this is simply freedom to access their intuitive powers and knowledge without having to fight for it, explain or justify their decisions or actions.
Many freebirthers want and demand to be the sole authority present at their births and the full responsibility and accountability that comes with this freedom. To most this is preferable over the illusion of shared responsibility with a caregiver that will never suffer the real consequences of a bad decision.
True Natural Physiological Birth
To have a truly natural and physiological childbirth, a woman must be truly unhindered, uninhibited and free to go with the flow of her birthing energies. It is next to impossible to have a birth that has no interventions or influences (internal or external) in the medical model of childbirth – and that includes homebirth with a midwife.
Freebirthers believe in natural physiological birth and that birth was designed to work. If childbirth was so fraught with risk and complications that nature could not resolve in the natural process of birth then reproduction would come to a screaming halt. Humans as a species would have died out by now if our reproduction was intrinsically flawed.
Interference with the physiological process of childbirth is what causes so many complications seen in childbirth in the westernised world. Is it really a wonder why so many people are ingrained with the sense that childbirth is risky and a “what if” is most likely to occur? Luck has nothing to do with a body function being successful.
Safest Birthing Option
Most freebirthers believe that unassisted childbirth is the safest possible option for birth. Homebirth has consistently been proven to be safer than hospital or birth centre birth. It is not much more of a stretch to see how freebirth can be safer than homebirth with a midwife as the mother will look to herself for information about what is happening first, rather than rely on a midwife that only has external signs to go by.
Positive & Most Responsible Option
Free pregnancies and births are usually very positive experiences as the mindset of freebirthers tend towards the confidently positive rather than negativity or doubt. This strongly and positively influences women’s birthing experiences.
As for responsibility, it is the most responsible thing a woman can do. Every pregnant woman should be prepared for the chance of freebirth. She may not make it to hospital in time. Her midwife may not make it to her home in time. She may be stuck somewhere without assistance to birth. Freebirth preparation is the ultimate birth preparation and responsibility regardless of which choice women end up taking for their birth.
Pasted from http://www.purebirth-australia.com/pregnancy/freebirth-mindset.html

Why chose unassisted birth
(clips from various sites–all cited)
a desire to retain control over one of life’s most emotional, intimate and primal processes is paramount.
Pasted from http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/07/27/AR2&#8230;

the most inconvenient hindrance is having to expend your limited energy during labor to try and make caregivers understand that you want to be responsible for your own birth, and that you do not want to submit to their procedures and routines. You deserve to have a beautiful, unhindered birth, which is difficult to come by when some other caregiver is interrupting your concentration and disturbing your peace so that you cannot hear that inner voice which confirms truth.
Pasted from http://www.unhinderedliving.com/responsibility.html

Women are tired of their wishes and beliefs about birth not being honored and respected. They realize that many hospital procedures which doctors are required to adhere to are more about avoiding malpractice suits than about what is really best for the woman and baby.
Pasted from http://www.unhinderedliving.com/unassisted.html

We, as spiritual beings, have the capacity to experience the transformative power of birth that connects us with deeper understanding of life.
When Love is an integral part of the birthing field, a woman has access to the power of creation that is working through her. The more power there is in her field the less force she will need to use, because Love is a highly coherent field. And visa versa: the less power she has, the more force it would require to deliver a baby.
Pasted from http://www.birthintobeing.com/

one where someone else’s view of birth is not dictating the birth
Pasted from http://www.cafemom.com/group/40954/forums/read/9081584/What_would_y&#8230;

I knew that birth was a door into myself, if I treated it that way. I knew I needed to be alone with myself.
I believe it is every woman’s right to give birth the way she wants to.
Pasted from http://www.childbirthsolutions.com/articles/pregnancy/unassistedbir&#8230;

if a family is attracted to Freebirth as a way to avoid a recurrence of birth disappointment at the hands of a perinatal professional, I invite them to rather heal that and find a positive motive to Freebirth. As the bumper sticker states, what we resist, persists.
Pasted from http://www.birthkeeper.com/Freebirth.html

riding the birthwave of the future
it is up to you to create that excellent, healing, powerful experience
Pasted from http://birthlove.cyclzone.com/pages/stories/unassisted.html

if we change OUR way of being in Birth, we will demand by our very presence and approach the respect we deserve…and maybe, just maybe that will touch every other area of our daughters’ experience as Women in the world.
Pasted from http://www.shebirths.com/wotg_course.htm

The body needs to be the one in control. There are thousands of years of primal instinct coded into the woman’s body.
Pasted from http://webmail.aol.com/42951/aol/en-us/Suite.aspx

No one else has the information that the mother and baby do because it is not happening to them. This makes the mother the only true EXPERT AUTHORITY present at her birth. She has access to information that the care provider will never have access to.
That information may not be able to be communicated in logical, reasonable words and sentences.

She may not be able to explain that it is right and okay for her to do what she is doing and that to fight it would be to cause problems with birthing.
Birthing is a natural physiological process, designed by millions of years of evolution.
Pasted from

we are finally understanding the long-lasting effects of verbal/emotional abuse, which most often does not have an immediate physical effect, and recognizing it’s significance in the lives of those touched by it, the same applies to Birth. Being “healthy” isn’t just about a strong heartbeat and physical post-birth healing. It’s about HEALTH in all areas of our being-and our baby’s.

[cont’d “why”]

undeterred by the worries of others

We tend to be self-conscious when we are watched, especially by strangers, and this can prevent us from birthing as freely as we could were we not being observed. When we are only with our loved ones, or completely on our own, we are less inhibited. We do not have to worry about embarrassing ourselves, nor do we have to feel like we are participating in a spectator sport. We can birth as we were meant to do, surrounded by love and acceptance.

Pasted from http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/133301/why_do_people_chose&#8230;

Those who birth unassisted for religious reasons do so because they believe it is natural and will bring them closer to nature and the gods. They want to explore their own creative power and get in touch with their inner priestess. Some want to be the goddess of their own life and follow their own path. One may simply want to get in touch with their hearts and ground themselves to the Earth. Most women who do it for religious reasons are seeking enlightenment, but that is not the only factor behind religious unattended birth. Unassisted childbirth can be a great way to reconnect with your own intuition, and it can help build confidence in oneself which can have a profound impact on family relationships.

Birth itself is considered profound by most, though for others it is considered no more profound than passing a bowel movement. Some women simply see birth as a normal part of life that doesn’t require a lot of fuss to be made. They may birth while everyone else is sleeping or at work or school, without calling anyone to assist. The moment you meet your child is always beautiful and life-changing, but the act of delivering a child feels ordinary to many people who chose to birth unassisted. They just see it as a normal life experience that doesn’t have to be witnessed.

We want to heal from being coerced, manipulated, and deceived into consenting to unnecessary, harmful medical procedures. We need to be free of those experiences.

a birth attendant is not needed; a baby will come no matter who is present!

Chosing to birth unattended is about learning to trust your instincts and take complete responsibility for the life of yourself and your child.

Women who chose this path come from a variety of backgrounds and have many reasons. Most women don’t have just one reason for doing it but an entire mental list. The choice is very personal and often very important to those who make it, so much that they risk disdain from others for following their hearts down this road.

Arwyn from MDC says, “I think labor has the potential to be social, to be sexual, to be spiritual, to be orgasmic, to be sacred, to be ordinary, to be painful, to be scary, to be revolutionary, to be so many things. I don’t think it’s necessarily one more than any other – I think it’s up to each woman to pursue the aspect she most wants/identifies with/is called to. For some, that means they want just their partner there, or they want no one there, or they want all their women support there. I think there are ways to give birth that are more safe, or less safe, and prepared UC is one of the safer/safest ways, but women are more than capable of weighing their options and making an informed choice about which path is right for them.”

Pasted from http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/133301/why_do_people_chose&#8230;

believes in childbirth as a normal, non-agonizing, natural act, and that’s something every woman could benefit from, whether she births at home or in a hospital. Replacing the fear with faith just might deliver women from the throws of childbirth agony and into the open arms of the miracle they helped to create.

Pasted from http://www.pregnancytoday.com/articles/birth-procedures/unassisted-&#8230;

According to the technocratic model, typical of North America and Europe today, birth is a potentially pathological process and only ‘normal’ in retrospect. Labour and delivery are the work of an obstetric team rather than the woman herself. Each pregnant woman is evaluated in terms of risk categories, and from early pregnancy on she is turned into a patient, someone who is the object of medical care, concern and screening. There is often little continuity of care and a large number of different, and often anonymous, specialists may be involved. Emotional and spiritual aspects of birth are usually ignored or treated as embarrassing.

The social model, in contrast, defines birth as a social event and normal life process. It entails hard work that is done by the woman, her close family, female friends and other women in the neighbourhood, including a midwife who is well-known in the community. Her helpers are almost exclusively women. She has continuity of care and a continuing relationship with those who are providing care. The mother is seen as passing through a major life transition in which spiritual forces must be invoked to support her and evil spirits and negative psychological influences kept at bay. Emotional and spiritual aspects of birth are central to the experience of everyone participating.

Pasted from http://www.sheilakitzinger.com/BOOKs/rdb.htm

Most of us have been taught that scientific, medical information is more legitimate than a birthing woman’s own knowledge, but I don’t believe that for a minute. Doctors and midwives might know alot about birth, but it is mothers who give birth.

Pasted from http://www3.sympatico.ca/ramonalisa/birthingfree.html&gt;;;;

Safety
Childbirth and the Car Analogy
So you want to know how safe childbirth is really?
Let’s look at the cultural conditioning of what childbirth is believed to be.
Most births take place in hospitals today and many people say that they had birth complications and that ‘things had to be done’ to assist in birthing. They take this to mean childbirth is inherently risky, and to give birth is safe if you do it in hospital with medical assistance at the ready.
That however, is n ot indicative of real physiological childbirth. Birth in the medical model, especially in hospital, is anything BUT natural or as Nature intended.
Birth works but the interference has already begun long before the interventions of birth occur.
Interference in the form of our belief structures, the accepted ‘facts and norms’ of society simply because it is that way for many, many people, the mass media, our cultures, our upbringing, our fears and even our less than optimal lifestyles.
If you want birth to be safe, there are many factors to consider, the most important being the trust and guidance of your instincts.
Just like gaining confidence to drive a car safely through learning, education (both external and self), instinct, reflexes, experience etc, you can also gain confidence that you can birth safely.
It is all within your reach if you so desire it.
If you want to keep going along the track of thought in comparing birthing with driving a car; consider this:
Birthing is a natural physiological process, designed by millions of years of evolution.
Driving a car is not. Technically, it c ould be considered an unnatural form of transport that came about with advances in civilisation. As for modern childbirth as opposed to physiological childbirth, the more our civilisation has advanced medically, the further it has gone off track from what childbirth really is.
Birthing as we were designed to birth, is safe. True risks, deaths or unresolvable complications ARE rare. Eg. Extremely short cords preventing baby from descending, complete true placenta previa, etc are rare.
Placenta previa and accreta are becoming less rare due to scars in the uterus from increased c-sections today. We are hearing about more and more complications of childbirth that have nothing to do with the risks of physiological childbirth and everything to do with the risks of hindering physiological childbirth.
Driving20a car, as it was meant to be driven, is not as safe as giving birth as birth was meant to be given.
True risks, deaths or unresolvable complications ARE NOT rare in driving a car. Why? Because you can’t control what other people do in their own cars. You could be the world’s safest driver, yet be hit and killed by some speeding idiot.
Likewise, giving birth in an environment where you are subject to unnatural hindrances and influences on your birth is a car accident waiting to happen, especially if you opt to give birth as you were NOT meant to – under the influence of drugs, with instruments, observation, sterility and stress.
Medical technology and assistance has its place in emergencies and in rare complications of physiological childbirth, but does little to safeguard childbirth itself from complications.
Pasted from http://www.purebirth-australia.com/childbirth/childbirth-safety.html

I realize that there are people who can cite terrible stories about births in which the mother and baby almost died, and were saved by medical intervention. And for every one of those stories, I can suggest to you several reasons why that birth trauma could have been avoided.
asted from http://www.unhinderedliving.com/unassisted.html

They are not things that just “happen”….they are caused by something. In most cases, we can eliminate the cause.
Pasted from http://www.unhinderedliving.com/unassisted.html

No machine, such as an electronic fetal monitor, and no person other than the birthing woman can really know what is right for that woman. Only by looking within herself and consulting her inner wisdom through intuitive insight can the woman know what is right to do in her particular situation. Sometimes, she may sit down, close her eyes, and actually seek this insight in order to solve a perceived problem in the birth. But most likely, as the following birth story will depict, that which must be done is instinctively or intuitively made clear to the mother at a time of emergency, without her actively seeking such information.
Pasted from http://www.unhinderedliving.com/intuition.html

The reason that hospital birth, or any birth attended by a doctor or midwife is inherently dangerous, is that it causes the woman to not trust or listen to what her body is telling her to do, and it causes her to listen to others and accept their assessment of her situation when there is no possible way they could know what is best. By doing this, many complications often occur. The medical establishment tries to convince us that only through medical tests or the experience of professionals can a mother really have a safe birth….but it is reliance upon those very experiences which can actually cause complications. Your body knows what to do….if you will trust this process, and not try to second guess what your body is telling you, just trust it, you will avoid complications the majority of the time.
Pasted from http://www.unhinderedliving.com/intuition.html

in taking responsibility for your own health and birth, you have to do the research. Yes it’s work. Yes, it would be easier to rely upon a medical professional who has been to school and supposedly knows what is best. But the reality is, what they suggest isn’t always best in your particular situation, and only YOU can tell for sure. So don’t be lazy, do your homework! All the information you need is out there.
Pasted from http://www.unhinderedliving.com/intuition.html

there are no guarantees in birth- either unassisted, or hyper-medically assisted.
Pasted from http://birthlove.cyclzone.com/pages/stories/unassisted.html

You came from a long line of women who gave birth beautifully. Women today are the height of human evolution, every one of us is a result of our perfectly birthing ancestors. If we have small pelvises, so did they- there is no such thing as cephalopelvic disproportion. If we have really long pregnancies, so did they- there is no such thing as post-term pregnancy- there is “just right”.
Pasted from http://birthlove.cyclzone.com/pages/no_fear.html

When you KNOW what you are losing by allowing yourself to be treated like a “patient”, when you stop allowing fear of “what could happen” dictate your choices, and start walking your path toward your Birth strong, aware and awake–things are very very different.
make the switch from the “patient” mindset to “expert” mindset
Pasted from http://www.shebirths.com/wotg_course.htm

The Safety of Childbirth
Safety in childbirth is measured by how many mothers and babies die and how many survive childbirth in less than perfect health.

Studies done comparing hospital and out-of-hospital births indicate fewer deaths, injuries and infections for homebirths supervised by a trained attendant than for hospital births. No such studies indicate that hospitals have better outcomes than homebirths.

So what of unassisted births? No official studies have been done to date yet on this.

Laura Shanley passed the following stats for unassisted birth:
Intended UCs March 1999-March 2000
Total: 54 babies
8 born in the hospital (one was a C-section)
2 born at home with a midwife
44 born at home unassisted
The 8 women who went to the hospital said they essentially went due to fear, pain, or lack of support from their husbands. One woman was losing her vision and thought it best to go.
The C-section was a breech. The woman went because she was in a lot of pain. The doctor gave her the option of either a vaginal birth or C-sec and she chose the C-sec.

The 2 women who called midwives were a little nervous during the birth. Both their midwives were very good, and non-interventive.
With the UCs, there were 2 transfers after the birth. One woman was losing too much blood (VBAC), the other gave birth prematurely and thought it best to take the baby to the hospital.
Both women were happy they had had a UC, as were the other 42. So the outcomes were very good. These stats are from all the women who have contacted me in the past year and said they were intending to have a UC.

Misc info
Variations & Complications of Pregnancy & Childbirth
Sometimes childbirth doesn’t go smoothly. In the medical mode of healthcare, when childbirth doesn’t go smoothly, the woman is labelled as having a “birth complication(s)”.
Every birth is different however, and just as there are normal variations in height, size, weight, eye colour etc in humans, there are also normal variations in childbirth.
True birth complications are truly rare variations that do not resolve themselves during the birthing process – such as complete placenta previa.
Pasted from http://www.purebirth-australia.com/childbirth/birth-variations.html

by introducing negative thoughts and fear into the pregnancy, it creates a lot of anxiety which is not good for you or your child, and the more you dwell on a particular outcome, the more you bring it to reality. Your mind controls your body, and whatever thoughts or beliefs you introduce into your mind, if dwelt on, can have a negative impact on your pregnancy.
Pasted from http://www.unhinderedliving.com/prenatal.html

If you choose to do some or all prenatal care, be aware that it is possible you may have some unresolved fears over a particular area Eg. Trying to determine position of baby – not quite trusting in your ability to give birth without assistance regardless of position.
Part of preparing for birth involves processing your fears surrounding birth, so be consciously aware of what you are doing.
Pasted from http://www.purebirth-australia.com/pregnancy/unassisted-pregnancy-c&#8230;

Babies born to mothers who have remained upright throughout their labors rarely need to have nose or mouth suctioned because the fact that they have been head down the whole time means mucous has been draining from the nose and mouth throughout the entire delivery. As the baby descends through the birth canal, his chest and lungs are tightly squeezed so that any fluid or mucous is naturally expelled.

If you are remaining upright during your labor and delivery, you will not need one, and you will probably not tear either.
Pasted from http://www.unhinderedliving.com/delivery.html

any induction is a poor substitute for patience: be warned that natural inductions can cause long, erratic, difficult labors, and are not at all proven safe for the baby. They increase the probability of the baby passing meconium in utero, and the likelihood of having to transfer to the hospital for the birth. Midwife Gail Hart shares her wisdom about letting births happen in their own time in Midwifery Today’s “The Birthkit “(Autumn, 2000): “There is a sort of chemical ‘combination lock’ that starts labor. Everything has to be lined up just right to ‘unlock’ a good labor pattern. When we interfere with that, it can be as frustrating as using the wrong combination of numbers to open a locked safe.” Remember that every day inside of you is a precious gift that only you can give to your child.
Birth complications, especially in the first time mother, are often the result of helpful tampering with something that simply needs time and privacy to unfold as intended.
“Each expulsive sensation shapes the head of the baby to conform to the contours of the mother’s pelvis. This can take time and lots of patience, especially if the baby is large. This shaping of the baby’s skull must be done with the same gentleness and care as Michaelangelo applying plaster and shaping a statue. This shaping work often takes place over time in the midpelvis and is erroneously interpreted as ‘lack of descent’, ‘arrest’ or ‘failure to progress’ by those who do not appreciate art.
“I tell mothers at this time ‘It’s normal to feel like the baby is stuck…. the baby’s head is elongating and getting shaped a little more with each sensation…. it will suddenly feel like it has come down.’ And this is exactly what happens. Given time to mold, the head of the baby suddenly appears- this progression is not linear, and does not happen in stations of descent. Often the mother can sleep deeply between sensations and this is most helpful to recharge her batteries and allow gentle shaping of the babe’s head. The baby is an active participant and must not be pushed and forced out of the mother’s body until he/she is prepared to make the exit.
Birth isn’t about hard, grueling work, it’s an act of surrendering; of releasing, and opening up.
pelvic exams are one way to slow down a labor, if not stop it altogether
Pasted from http://birthlove.cyclzone.com/pages/no_fear.html

BIRTH IS NO LONGER THE SACRED JOURNEY IT ONCE WAS. C-sections are as high as 75% in some countries, and in North America, Cesearean Sections have increased by over 400% in just 15 years. CLEARLY this procedure is NO LONGER being used SOLELY as a last resort-to save the lives of Mothers and Babies! Consider this: The risk of dying from a C-section is 2 to 3 TIMES that of dying from a Vaginal Birth! With so many lies, deliberate omissions, and misconceptions prevelant in mainstream society, it isn’t suprising that many women feel that opting for a planned C-section is the better and safer of their options! Women are being led to the operating table, fully believing they are doing the best thing for their babies or themselves- when in only 3-10% of the cases, is this the truth. (that means that 90-97% of the time, it’s a LIE.)
Far too many women have become voiceless patients told what to do and when, what stick to pee on, what to eat, and on what day they will have their babies removed from their abdomen. As post partum depression rates go up, the question begs to be asked: “Are women missing something when they have unnecessary or unethical C-sections?” The answer won’t be found in a medical book-in fact, most OB’s will even DENY the obvious connection between a Birth Passage that did not go as the Mother had hoped, and their subsequent depression!
AND WHAT ABOUT THE BABIES!!? Babies who are taken by C-section, without the benefit of any labor are more prone to lung and breathing problems, higher rates of asthma and tooth problems, not to mention the damage to their initial “imprint”-those first few moments on Earth that tells them that they are safe-loved, and welcome. NO MOTHER would wish their baby to experience any kind of unnecessary trauma- but for some reason, we have been conditioned to believe that they don’t experience trauma until after Birth-how could we believe that they aren’t “awake” yet!? Their Birth Passage has a profound effect on their foundation- what they believe about themselves and their place in the world. In addition to all of the recognizable trauma from C-sections, Mother’s who have medical Births may have a difficult time breastfeeding, which can then rob the infant of the best nutritional/bonding opportunities, and the mother of incredibly important hormonal releases and bonding time!
Pasted from http://www.shebirths.com/wotg_course.htm

the births women mostly give in hospitals are not the births that women are intended to give- they are stark reflections of modern medicine
Pasted from http://birthlove.cyclzone.com/pages/no_fear.html

many hospital procedures which doctors are required to adhere to are more about avoiding malpractice suits than about what is really best for the woman and baby

Pasted from http://www.unhinderedliving.com/unassisted.html

Childbirth is Safe for Today’s American Women, but Why?
July 28, 2007 by
Heather B.

Low Maternal Death Rates Aren’t Just Because of Hospitals & Technology!
Those who are against homebirth and freebirth often have the same arguments. They say that parents who chose these births are thrill-seekers who don’t care about the well-being of their babies. A favorite statistic to quote is the fact that some 500,000 women die yearly around the world from childbirth complications. These arguments are severely lacking in foundation and evidence. There is much that the naysayers purposely leave out and exaggerate. To really understand the dangers of childbirth and the safety of birthing location, we need to examine the most common causes of maternal death across the world and why they are not so rare here in America today.

We need to know more for the number 500,000 to tell us anything about the safety of birth. How many women each year give birth? Where do most of those maternal deaths occur, and what is different about that country from America? What are the most common causes of death? How many of those deaths were truly preventable? The presence of this data would enable us to calculate percentages. Those percentages can give us a far better idea how safe or dangerous childbirth is than a lone number. The truth is, the numbers aren’t quite so dismal for Americans.

Less than one percent of maternal deaths occur in developed countries. Most take place in developing nations. Some believe that’s only due to their lack of technology. However, there are many differences between the United States and these other places. In developing nations, poverty is very common. There is not always clean drinking water or enough food to eat. Women may spend all day working in fields under the hot sun. Women in these countries are often malnourished and overworked, increasing their risk of complications and death. Poor sanitation is another large factor contributing to how dangerous birth in these places can be. It’s not all about technology and prenatal care.

When considering the causes of death, we need to remember a few things. For one, cases where women died after abortions are counted. Moreover, ectopic pregnancy–when the egg implants outside of the womb–is another major cause of death. It can typically be identified by severe pain and bleeding. That causes about 13% of maternal deaths worldwide. Usually these pregnancies don’t last very long, and the mother’s body makes her quite aware that something is wrong. It has little to do with the subject of freebirth, as rarely do these pregnancies result in birth. Accidental deaths and those from incidental causes, like violence against women, may also be counted.

Women most commonly die during pregnancy or childbirth of infection (13%), preeclampsia (12%), hemorrhage (25%), sepsis, and obstructed labor (8%). Indirect causes make up 20% the maternal deaths, and these include preexisting conditions such as diseases and malnourishment. The last 8% are classified as other causes, some of which are unpreventable like amniotic fluid in the bloodstream. The frequency of these occurrences in the US are much lower than they are around the world. This is because Americans are less likely to be poor, malnourished, overworked, or to have unsanitary living conditions. Puerperal fever sepsis, or childbed fever, is contracted due to lack of sanitation. We’ve all but eliminated that in America because of our better hygiene.

Maternal mortality ratio is the number of maternal deaths per 100,000 live births. (Now remember, this isn’t including stillborn deaths, nor do we know how many of the live births were multiples.) The countries with the two highest rates are Sierra Leone and Afghanistan, at 2000 and 1900 respectively. Iceland and Austria have the lowest ratios, at 10 and 4 respectively. The US MMR is 17. That means that for every 100,000 women that give birth, only 17 die. That’s a percentage of 0.017% maternal deaths, far less than 1%, which was maternal death rate in the early 1900s. Back then one mother died for every 100 births; now one mother dies for every 10,000 births. The rate is much higher for African-American women.

This is attributed mainly to C-section usage (which actually triples risk of maternal death), obstetric labor management and prenatal care, as well as better sanitation. However, when we look at hospital birth vs. homebirth, the number of mothers dying after homebirth with midwifery care is even lower. This suggests that the hospital environment and obstetric approach to pregnancy and birth make maternal death more likely. Studies have shown that technological interventions like C-sections greatly increase risk of maternal death. One would have to conclude then that other factors play a bigger role in these better outcomes. We have significantly more knowledge, better hygiene practices, and take better care of ourselves physically, nutritionally, and emotionally. We now know not to smoke and drink during pregnancy, for example.

We know that infection and sepsis, accounting for 13% of maternal deaths, can be prevented with good sanitation. Another 13% of maternal deaths are the result of complications from abortion. Another 20% of maternal deaths are from indirect causes, which are also less likely in our country due to better nutrition, sanitation, and overall healthiness. The remaining 55% of deaths are caused by preeclampsia, hemorrhage, obstructed labor, and other causes such as embolisms. I can’t examine those “other” causes, being that there are so many–too many to list and cover! We can, however, take a peek at these more common complications.

A significant number of deaths are because of hemorrhage, which is extensive bleeding. Risk of hemorrhage can be lowered by being well-nourished, breastfeeding after birth, avoiding blood-thinning medication, and birthing at home. Hemorrhage is three times more likely to occur in the hospital. It is even more likely after a C-section or pitocin. Hemorrhage can be treated adequately at home with many herbs, uterine massage, the trendelenberg position, urinating often, and oxygen administration. Sometimes medication or surgery is needed, which requires a hospital. While hemorrhage causes about 17% of maternal deaths in the US, only 5% or less of women will be afflicted with postpartum hemorrhage. Most cases occur after hospital births, particularly interventionist ones–which proves that death because of hemorrhage can’t always be prevented.

This is attributed mainly to C-section usage (which actually triples risk of maternal death), obstetric labor management and prenatal care, as well as better sanitation. However, when we look at hospital birth vs. homebirth, the number of mothers dying after homebirth with midwifery care is even lower. This suggests that the hospital environment and obstetric approach to pregnancy and birth make maternal death more likely. Studies have shown that technological interventions like C-sections greatly increase risk of maternal death. One would have to conclude then that other factors play a bigger role in these better outcomes. We have significantly more knowledge, better hygiene practices, and take better care of ourselves physically, nutritionally, and emotionally. We now know not to smoke and drink during pregnancy, for example.

We know that infection and sepsis, accounting for 13% of maternal deaths, can be prevented with good sanitation. Another 13% of maternal deaths are the result of complications from abortion. Another 20% of maternal deaths are from indirect causes, which are also less likely in our country due to better nutrition, sanitation, and overall healthiness. The remaining 55% of deaths are caused by preeclampsia, hemorrhage, obstructed labor, and other causes such as embolisms. I can’t examine those “other” causes, being that there are so many–too many to list and cover! We can, however, take a peek at these more common complications.

A significant number of deaths are because of hemorrhage, which is extensive bleeding. Risk of hemorrhage can be lowered by being well-nourished, breastfeeding after birth, avoiding blood-thinning medication, and birthing at home. Hemorrhage is three times more likely to occur in the hospital. It is even more likely after a C-section or pitocin. Hemorrhage can be treated adequately at home with many herbs, uterine massage, the trendelenberg position, urinating often, and oxygen administration. Sometimes medication or surgery is needed, which requires a hospital. While hemorrhage causes about 17% of maternal deaths in the US, only 5% or less of women will be afflicted with postpartum hemorrhage. Most cases occur after hospital births, particularly interventionist ones–which proves that death because of hemorrhage can’t always be prevented.

Maternal deaths are much more likely to occur in the hospital than at a homebirth. This is because risky intervention and hindering restrictions are more common in the hospital. The interventions that are heralded as the reason for our lower MMR actually increase the risk of maternal death. Complications are less likely to occur in homebirth, as the environment and approach are different. Many complications can be treated at home with women very rarely needing to transfer to the hospital. A midwife is as capable as a doctor, and an educated mother can be just as capable as a midwife. The hospital is as available to homebirthers and freebirthers as it is to anyone, and they can transfer if necessary–usually in plenty of time to save all lives involved.

The risk of maternal death is very low in the US anyway, because our standard of living is so much better. Not only does birthing at home in and of itself put a mother at a lower risk of death, it also means a lower risk of postpartum depression. The babies are usually much healthier after homebirths and freebirths. The experience is usually much more enjoyable to everyone, not nearly as traumatic (or as expensive). Homebirthers & freebirthers are protecting themselves from the interventions that make maternal death more likely, while still on the lookout for complications that could put them at risk. They are not thrill-seekers, as these birth choices are no more risky than any other type of birth. In fact, they may very well be more safe.

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Unassisted Childbirth: What If Something Goes Wrong?
April 28, 2007 by
Heather B.

This is the number one question people ask about unassisted birth. Even those who are planning one worry about this. The truth is that 90% of labors will be complication-free. For every 1,000 live births, only 6.50 infants will die in the first year of life. This includes SIDS, accidents, adverse reactions to vaccines, preemies, etc. The chances of your infant dying are very low. The stillbirth rate in the US is 1 in 115 births, a little less than 1%. The main causes are infection, defects, retarded growth, gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, maternal drug use, postdate pregnancy, physical trauma, placental abruption, radiation poisoning, Rh disease, and umbilical cord accidents. Few deaths occur due to problems during labor & delivery.

Many people assume that if a woman’s baby dies during an unassisted birth, it is her fault for not having had a doctor on hand. This is completely untrue. Most infants that die at home would have died in the hospital anyway. The vast majority of stillbirths occur in utero before labor begins. Many are related to problems that can’t be treated, only managed–or that can’t be managed at all. Even prenatal care will not save an infant from dying in utero. A doctor is likely to recommend preterm birth if an infant’s life seems to be in danger during the pregnancy, which is usually equally dangerous for the infant.

There are times when probably arise during labor that can threaten the life of the child. Some of these can be handled at home, and some will need hospital treatment. Mothers learn to recognize these conditions, handle them, and know when to go to the hospital. These labor complications are just as likely to cause death in a hospital as they are in the home, so long as the mother has done her research. Most problems can be handled by a mother simply following her instincts. Rarely does a death occur because of the mother’s actions, but because of things that are out of her (or anyone else’s) control.

In the hospital, the only sign that a fetus is in danger is discolored amniotic fluid or decelerations in the fetal heart rate. These signs can be recognized at home, too. A mother is perfectly capable of telling if her amniotic fluid is green. She can listen with a Doppler or fetoscope, and if something seems wrong, she can go to the hospital–calling ahead to warn them. It usually takes 15 minutes to prepare for a C-section in the hospital. If they are preparing while the mother is on her way, they can C-section her as soon just moments after her arrival. Sometimes, it will be too late–but this could happen even if she were in the hospital. Some mothers will not attempt an unassisted birth if the hospital is too far away for this reason.

One sign that something is wrong is excess bleeding during or after labor. This could mean problems with the placenta, such as placenta accreta or placental abruption, which puts the child in danger of oxygen deprivation and the mother in danger of hemorrhage. It could also mean that the mother is already hemorrhaging and could bleed to death. If it occurs during labor, a mother should go to the hospital. She should not take any blood thinning medication for pain. There are herbs that can be used to help manage the bleeding. If it occurs after birth, the mother may be hemorrhaging. Many cases can be handled, again, with herbs and maternal rest. If the bleeding is severe or continues, if the mother begins to seizure or feel faint, she should be taken to the emergency room immediately.

Placenta previa is a condition in which the placenta covers the cervix, blocking the baby’s exit. The mother can usually feel during labor that the baby is not coming out. She can often feel the placenta during a vaginal check. Spotting during pregnancy can be a sign that the placenta is covering the cervix. This can also be spotted by listening with a Doppler or fetoscope. A mother can learn to differentiate between heartbeat, cord sounds, and placental sounds. She can also palpitate her stomach to feel the location of the placenta. Most of the time the mother will be aware of this condition before labor begins. This is a condition that will require a C-section. It affects about 0.5% of all labors and is not an emergency. Mothers are more likely to hemorrhage with this condition, but usually the baby is delivered fine by C-section.

Another labor emergency is cord prolapse, when the cord is presenting before the infant. If the mother can feel the cord at her cervix, or if it drops into the birth canal before the baby, she is going to need a C-section. The cord can become compressed, cutting
off the oxygen supply to the infant. She should try to push the umbilical cord back inside her. An ambulance should be called. She should lay back on her elbows, with her legs and backside elevated as far as possible. This position will utilize gravity to keep the baby from pressing down on the cord. If birth is imminent, and the baby is coming out, she should continue delivering. Otherwise, she needs to wait for the ambulance and go to the hospital for a C-section.

Shoulder dystocia occurs when the baby becomes stuck in the birth canal, his shoulders refusing to come past the pelvis. The baby is at risk of fetal distress, because the cord may become compressed and deprive the child of oxygen. This should be handled as quickly as possible but is no reason to panic. Many times the baby can be dislodged if the mother changes position: squats, rolls around a little, stands up, gets on her hands and knees, or just moves her body sharply. She can lay on her back and flex her legs to her shoulders, which widens the pelvis. If this does not work, someone can attempt to gently dislodge the baby. Hands should be placed on the shoulders, and the baby should be turned gently–sort of corkscrewed out. Another method is to try to dislodge one shoulder, then the next. The attendant can also squeeze the shoulders trying to make them a little smaller. If this fails, someone should call 911 while the mother continues trying to deliver. This is usually resolved without need of a C-section, but it can become an emergency–even in the hospital.

Another common question asked is: What if the baby isn’t breathing? If the baby is purple, red, or pink, or pale, keep the child warm. Hold him skin to skin. Talk to her. Rub his back to stimulate him. Lay her face down over her thigh with her bum higher than her head to facilitate mucous drainage. Give her a moment. If she doesn’t perk up, begin administering CPR if she does not start breathing. Flicking the feet, applying a cayenne tincture on the lips, or even giving the baby a good hard slap can help her breath. If the baby is pale blue, white, limp, or seems almost dead, suction the nose, start CPR, and call 911. Many mothers rent an oxygen tank so they can give the child oxygen if necessary.

An inverted uterus is rare. It occurs when the uterus inverts and comes down the birth canal after the baby. This can be solved by balling your hand up into a fish, gently sticking it into the vagina, and pushing the uterus back up past the cervix. This is very painful. Inverted uterus increases the mother’s risk of hemorrhage. Mothers suffering this complication should go to the hospital.

If there is meconium in the water or if the water is discolored, your baby is at an increased risk of infection. However, this is not a guarantee that anything is wrong. The baby should be born and washed up. If he seems to need medical attention, take him to a clinic right away. This is not a complication or emergency. With treatment after birth, the baby should be fine even if he did inhale a little meconium.

Most people are afraid that the cord will be around the baby’s neck. This is not an emergency, and it’s not uncommon! The cord is around the neck about 30% of the time. Usually it causes no damage and is loose enough that the mother can simply unwind it, or somersault the baby out of the cord as he emerges. If it is tight enough, it may be cutting off the baby’s oxygen supply. In this situation the parents would cut the cord and then push the baby out as quickly as possible. Many unassisted birth stories include the mother mentioning that she had to unwind the cord from around the child’s neck. My own son was born with his cord loosely around his neck. The doctor simply cut it, and that was it! The cord shouldn’t be cut unless necessary though, as it keeps providing oxygen to the infant.

Tearing is less common at home in the hospital but can occur anyway. Most tearing is mild and will heal on its own. Many mothers handle severe tearing by holding the skin together and applying superglue. However, some mothers do have severe tearing that heals all on its own. The mother can go to the hospital for stitches if she likes, but this is no reason to panic.

Many things we perceive as complications are just normal events that aren’t extremely common. Many events during the labor can be handled by a mother on her own, and she can even learn to evaluate her risks of complications. Most mothers will solve these problems using what they’ve learned by researching and by relying on their instincts. Many times, if a mother’s actions cannot save the child’s life, neither would the doctors except in rare situations (birth defects, premature birth, etc). There are true emergencies that do require hospital and even C-section delivery. Mothers planning an unassisted birth learn to recognize these emergencies and know how to handle them. They also know when they should and should not attempt to deliver their baby at home. The simple answer to the question “What if something goes wrong?” is “The birthing couple will be prepared to handle it.”

Pasted from http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/223018/unassisted_childbir&#8230;

Common fears about/of childbirth

Baby not Breathing
A common fear of homebirth whether it is unassisted or not, is that the baby will have breathing problems.

After a baby is born, they start undergoing the transition from dependence on the placenta to dependence on lung breathing for oxygen. This may take up to 7 minutes to establish proper breathing for some babies. Other babies start breathing regularly immediately.

It is vital that the umbilical cord is NOT CUT until the baby is breathing fine and the placenta has been birthed or the cord is limp, cold and white. The cord and placenta are a source of oxygenated blood for the baby even though it may appear to have stopped pulsing.

Establishment of Newborn Breathing
The physiological event of how newborn babies start to breathe on their own has nothing to do with the need for air, and if oxygen flow was restricted, the baby would start gasping for air from body reflex due to high carbon dioxide levels. (You can see this if you pinch, clamp or cut the cord right after birth – DON’T DO THIS!!)

The actual reason babies start breathing is thought to be a combination of biochemical changes and physical stimuli – cold, gravity, pain, light, noise, etc which cause excitation of the respiratory centre.

This may be a reason water birthed and some home birthed babies do not always start breathing immediately but take a couple of minutes before their first breath. See the Ennings modified APGAR for waterbirthed babies here.

It is normal to breathe on and off until the switch over from uterus environment to breathing with lungs is complete – this can take anywhere from 1 minute to 7 minutes for normal breathing patterns. Before breathing can even occur, the baby needs natural drainage of his/her airways – if laid on the mother with the head below the body, all the gunk will either be swallowed, coughed or sneezed or otherwise drained out.
An excerpt from “Emergency Childbirth: A Manual” by Dr. Gregory White; [I have this whole manual and plan to share some exerpts from it]
“The normal baby is pink or purplish, has a good deal of tension in his muscles, tends to hold his arms and legs rather stiffly, and resists external efforts to move them. He will make a face when his face is touched. If held with the face down and to the side as previously described, to allow him to cough out any mucus that may be in his throat, and stimulated gently by rubbing of the attendant’s hand up and down his spine, the normal baby will breathe and cry within 3 or 4 minutes and can be put aside in a safe place while the attendant returns to the care of the mother.

The baby who is born pale, pale blue, or white, and limp, with no expression in the face, no movements in the limbs, no tendency to resist outside efforts to move his arms and legs – this baby is already seriously embarrassed and may need help in breathing.

This baby’s mouth should be wiped out with a clean cloth to start with. Some high ranking experts in the field believe that this is all that can or should be done. They have reasons for thinking that any baby who can take his first breath will do so; that any baby who can not draw the first breath himself cannot have it done for him.

Mouth to mouth artificial respiration, recommended by the American Red Cross is also suitable if the attendant is trained in this method as applied to infants.

In the occasional case where the baby fails to rally, other methods would not be more likely to produce success.

Meconium in Waters
The appearance of meconium in the amniotic fluid is due to the baby adapting to low oxygen supply by eliminating waste from the bowels so that oxygen supply can be re-routed to more vital organs such as the heart, brain etc.

It can also be due to a breech presentation and stimulation of the buttocks by the pelvic floor muscles.
In itself, meconium does not mean fetal distress or that there is a problem. It is simply a physiological defense mechanism of the baby in response to low oxygen supply – something that occurs during the childbirth process.

In the medical model of childbirth care, there is a misconception that meconium in the waters presents a danger to the baby due to MAS – meconium aspiration syndrome where the baby inhales meconium. New research suggests that meconium is not the cause of MAS.

Suctioning due to Meconium
The practice of suctioning the mouth and throat of the baby after the head is birthed is is now considered useless.

The routine intubation and suction of the trachea just after birth in the case of meconium staining has been shown to confer no benefit.
Other Resources
Have the year 2000 neonatal resuscitation program guidelines changed the delivery room management or outcome of meconium-stained infants?
CONCLUSIONS:Since the implementation of year 2000 NRP guidelines, the rate of DR INT for tracheal suctioning has fallen significantly without a change in overall respiratory complications. Results of this study support the efficacy of year 2000 NRP recommendations.
Oropharyngeal and nasopharyngeal suctioning of meconium-stained neonates before delivery of their shoulders: multicentre, randomised controlled trial Lancet 2004
“Interpretation Routine intrapartum oropharyngeal and nasopharyngeal suctioning of term-gestation infants born through MSAF does not prevent MAS. Consideration should be given to revision of present recommendations.”
Meconium Isn’t the Problem; Induction Is – by Gail Hart of http://www.midwiferyeducation.org
Meconium (mec) is not a problem- unless mec is a symptom of severe distress. And then the problem is the distress- not the mec. With good fetal heart tone and a normal labor, even thick mec is rarely a problem.

Meconium is more common in labors which are induced, by any and all means of induction, and it’s debatable whether mec is even more common in post-dates labors since induction is often a confounding factor. I recently came across a study (as follows) that looks at the liklihood of whether heavy mec is actually a risk for meconium aspiration. It’s older, but large- it looks at almost a thousand babies with “thick or moderate meconium”. All sorts of things were found to contribute to the rate of mec; but only a couple babies out of a hundred actually developed meconium aspiration syndrome- MAS- even though the entire group had mec (39 out of 937).
Induction was a strong link to both meconium waters and to meconium aspiration syndrome- but (and this surprised everyone) POSTDATES was not found to be a factor in the babies who developed MAS: MAS was distributed equally among all gestation groups. MAS was correlated with thick mec primarily when there were other risk factors present- need for resucitation, poor heart tones, or ceserean delivery.
Induction of labor was the strongest association with MAS. We know that we see more mec in induced babies, and we know we see more MAS in induced babies. A logical guess may be that we see more mec in post-dates babies simply because post-dates babies are far more likely to be induced than are 40 week babies.
This study confirms what most of us have seen: that meconium is “rarely a problem”- even when it is thick.
No Benefit Seen With Suctioning During Birth of Meconium-Stained Neonates SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters Health) Feb 11, 2003
Suctioning during delivery of infants who present with meconium staining apparently does not prevent meconium aspiration syndrome. These findings, presented at the meeting of the Society for Maternal-Fetal Medicine, contradict current practice guidelines.

Lead study author Dr. Edgardo Szyld, of the Hospital Diego Paroissien in Buenos Aires, Argentina, believes that “we should consider revising the current recommendations” of suctioning these infants during delivery.

A total of 2514 infants with meconium-stained amniotic fluid were randomized to oro- and nasopharynx suctioning or to no suctioning just before delivery of the shoulders. Of those infants suctioned, 3.5% developed meconium aspiration syndrome (MAS), as did 3.6% of those not suctioned. Five newborns died in the suctioned group, and three in the group not suctioned.

No differences between the two groups were observed in the frequency of thick meconium, C-sections or need for resuscitation.

A single study back in the 1970s was the foundation for the recommendation of suctioning when meconium staining is evident, Dr. Szyld said. Recommendations to suction, set forth by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) makes the practice “widespread–and it’s done around the world.”

However, he said, the current study shows that suctioning before the shoulders are delivered does not prevent meconium aspiration or its complications.

“The data presented by Dr. Szyld’s team provides convincing evidence that suctioning probably does not” alter outcomes, Dr. Laura E. Riley, chair of ACOG’s Committee on Obstetric Practice, told Reuters Health.

“Because suctioning has been beaten into clinicians for so many years, I’m not sure the current findings are really going to change clinical practice,” Dr. Riley said. “Still, I think the findings may provide some reassurance to clinicians that when meconium aspiration syndrome occurs it probably didn’t have anything to do with how adequately the infant was suctioned.”

While Dr. Riley believes that the researchers succeeded in showing that suctioning is probably unnecessary, she said they didn’t address “whether suctioning may actually have harmful effects, such as causing facial trauma.”

Bleeding & Post Partum Haemorrhage
After birth, there should not be much bleeding at all. A steady stream of blood with no appearance of the placenta is usually a sign that there is something wrong.

When the placenta initially separates, there is what is called a “separation gush” – this is anywhere from a few tablespoons to a half a cup of blood that emerges as the placenta detaches. Other than the separation gush, there should be no gushes at all when you are lying or sitting still.

There will be small gushes from pooled blood in the vagina after being still for a period of time. This is okay and somewhat like the small gushes that pad-wearing women get during their periods when standing after sitting for a period of time.
How Much is Too Much?
More than 500ml of blood (more than 2 cups) at once is considered too much by many homebirth midwives, and this excessive bleeding is called postpartum haemorrhage or PPH.

Keep in mind too that there might be some amniotic fluid as well, mixed in with the blood. Symptoms that a mother may experience with extreme blood loss are; fast pulse, light-headedness, shortness of breath, weakness, feeling faint, sick or ‘off’. Towards the extreme end of the scale, mothers may pass out from blood loss and it is best to take steps before this starts occurring.

Fear and adrenaline causes your heart rate to go up, which causes you to bleed more!

Feeling tired after giving birth is normal since it can require some physical exertion for some women, but feeling sickened, weird, wrong or “out of it” is not normal, and is not always due to blood loss. Feeling like that is a very good indication that something adverse has just happened and to keep a close eye on your body’s cues.
Understanding Why Bleeding Occurs
The mother’s body pumps blood through the many small blood vessels that connect the placenta to the wall of her uterus. That blood gets cycled through the placenta, and into the baby via the umbilical cord. In normal births, the uterus clamps down and closes those small blood vessels after the placenta detaches.

Preventive Measures:
Bleeding & Haemorrhage (PPH)
Preventive measures you can take during pregnancy, labour/birth, and afterwards to prevent or avoid bleeding problems.

Preventive Measures to take in Pregnancy
Good Iron & Vitamin C Intake: Since anaemia can contribute to PPH and excessive bleeding or severe problems due to blood loss, maintaining a good iron intake is important. In the second half of pregnancy, towards the third trimester, there is an increase in blood volume and because of this, the iron found in the blood is diluted which affects iron level tests.

As long as you feel your iron intake is healthy, and you are not anaemic, there is no need for iron supplementation which are not always good for the body.

The best sources of iron are found in dark green leafy vegetables, liver, heart and beets. Blackstrap molasses is also a good vegetarian source of iron.

Drinking a tea of yellow dock root, nettles, dandelion and kelp will provide you with an excellent source of iron that is readily absorbed by your body. If there are concerns about anaemia, take yellow dock root tincture daily, three times a day.

Also if you’re concerned about iron and are intent on improving your iron levels, take vitamin c (sodium absorbate) to aid absorption.

If you are taking too much vitamin C, your body will let you know by giving you the runs (diarrhoea!), just cut back the dosage gradually and in increments until your stools firm up, then continue at that dosage.

Good Vitamin K Intake: In the third trimester, be aware of your vitamin K intake and try and eat lots of Vit. K rich foods. This nutrient aids blood clotting, controls bleeding and is beneficial for the baby’s stores of Vitamin K.

Red Raspberry Leaf, Nettles & Alfalfa: This taken in either the tea, tablet or extract form daily from 32 weeks on, helps to tone the uterus and strengthen it. A finely toned uterus makes it easier for the uterus to do its work in clamping down on those open blood vessels after the placenta has detached.

Those herbs help to prevent PPH, bleeding, provide lots of valuable nutrients needed by the pregnant woman and support the pregnancy. Those three herbs are often taken with dandelion as well which helps with water retention.

Preventive Measures to take in Labour
Urinate Often: A full bladder can hinder labour and birth, as well as prevent the uterus from clamping down during the third stage.

Avoid Excessive Pushing: Avoid excessive or forced pushing, and breath-holding. This can rupture tiny blood vessels in the mother’s body, damage the placenta, tire out the uterus, and even cause bloodshot eyes! There is no need to push if you are having a natural labour and birth – your body will do it gently for you.

Avoid Epidurals & Other Drugs: There are many side effects to drugs whether they be for pain or for augmenting labour. Some of those effects can directly damage how the birthing process was designed to work, and can cause problems that lead to more intervention or excessive bleeding or PPH.

Have a Natural, Intervention/Interference-free birth: This is a good start to ensuring that the birthing process goes as it should.

Be Calm: Remember that fear and adrenaline causes rapid heartbeat/pulse, having the fear hormones cycling in your body as you give birth or afterwards can cause you to bleed more than you need to.

Preventive Measures to take After Birth
Breastfeed your Baby: Breastfeed your baby as soon as possible after birth. The sucking reflex is strongest in the first hour and will not be as strong again until a few hours after birth. As soon as your baby will take your breast, breastfeed! This will tell your body that the baby is out and breastfeeding safely. Natural oxytocin is released into your body and your uterus contracts down. If the placenta is still attached, this tells your body that it is OK to release the placenta.

Have a Physiological Third Stage: Be patient and wait for your placenta to detach and come out. Do not force or hurry it out. Do not clamp or cut the cord until after the placenta is birthed (or go for a lotus birth!)

Eat the Placenta!: Yes, I know it sounds disgusting but it works. This is one of the BEST ways to tell your body the placenta is out and to STOP pumping blood into it. You don’t even have to eat it. Just hold a piece of placenta under your tongue or in your cheek.

You can chew it or swallow it whole, or simply hold it in your mouth until the bleeding slows down. Eating the placenta will provide you with a huge hit of energy, nutrients, stop PPH and PPD (post-partum depression) dead in their tracks. Animals eat theirs!

Urinate!: If the placenta is slow in coming out or you feel you are bleeding too much, go and pee!

Don’t Bleed!: I’m actually serious here. Don’t bleed. Tell yourself that everything is fine and that you will not bleed. Once you birth the placenta, tell your body to stop bleeding immediately. Visualise the small vessels closing inside you and no bleeding.

Periniums & Tears

If you have torn, be reassured in knowing that tears heal quicker and easier than the cut of an epistomy, WITHOUT needing stitching. Most tears involve less tissue damage, are less painful and do not often go very deep; Many tears won’t need stitching as the jagged ends knit well together.

[goes on to list home remedies for pain and healing]

These are just a few examples, but there are many more. There are actually very few reasons to need to transfer to a hospital.